


(learn) to say goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

by minshuas



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Minor Character Death, One-sided past Wonhui, Supernatural Elements, being human AU, side pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-13 22:26:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 82,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14757444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minshuas/pseuds/minshuas
Summary: A ghost, a werewolf, and a vampire try to live together and pretend to be human.That's it, that's the joke.





	1. ep 1 + 2

**Author's Note:**

  * For [historiologies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/historiologies/gifts).



> A VERY, VERY BIG THANK YOU to my beta cat. i've made you deal with more than you ever should have had to deal with. you've pushed me so far and encouraged me to do my best. without you, i probably wouldn't have been able to finish this in time. i owe you so much for being so caring and so so supportive. thank you for being with me through this... <3
> 
> one day i will update this summary w the playlist i made while writing this and a couple other goodies, but i'm so exhausted now. 
> 
> at 9:31PM on 05/25/18, i finished the last 15k of this desperately. please, please try to enjoy it....... finally, i get to sleep

one **.**

“Joshua?” Anxiety floods Wonwoo’s system, blocking out everything else. For the first time in a century, his thirst is replaced by a feeling of humanity. It pushes him forward, through the scratching branches and tangled roots towards where Mingyu is.. He’s not fast, but he needs to reach Joshua before the unthinkable happens. If he had just kept his mouth shut, then Joshua wouldn’t be stumbling through the forest to his foreseeable death. Both of them know how extremely dangerous this could be for them. It could result in any of them dying: Mingyu, Joshua, or him. But Joshua never thinks logically when it comes to Mingyu. That’s a human fault: they often think they are invincible, but they are more likely just foolishly brave. They are especially foolishly brave when love is involved. Love has, for centuries, ruined people by making them act desperately. A person will do anything for the ones they love. 

Joshua will do anything for Mingyu. 

“Joshua? Where are you?” His voice doesn’t carry like he wishes it would. His nose doesn’t catch the scent of pumping blood even though he’s usually hyper-aware of it. “Joshua!” It would be foolish for him to stop, but he doesn’t know which way to turn. There’s no telling if he’s getting closer to or further away from Joshua. Plus, he isn’t quite sure where Mingyu is, if he’s changed already. All he knows is that he has to get to Joshua before Mingyu does, because love is such a human emotion that sometimes Mingyu and Wonwoo can’t handle it, even though they feel it. “Joshua!” There’s a breeze, but he can’t catch a scent from it. He might not be anywhere near Joshua, or he’s too close, which means he’s too late. 

That cannot become reality though, because in every world, he has to reach Joshua before Mingyu or everything he’s worked so hard to have will be gone in an instance. Mingyu won’t be able to live with himself if he ends up laying even a single hand on Joshua, but in his state, he won’t be able to help it. The full moon shines overhead and somewhere to his left, he hears Mingyu howl. At least, he hopes that it’s Mingyu. If Joshua is anywhere out here, then he’d be heading towards the sound too, even though he knows how dangerous it could be. Their lives aren’t secrets to Joshua, but he still doesn’t understand them. He doesn’t understand how inhuman Mingyu can become, how inhuman he’s become tonight. It might be hard for most people to believe, but once a month, Mingyu forgets himself and becomes animal. Joshua  _ knows  _ that, yet he still is trying to save Mingyu from himself. 

If only Wonwoo had kept silent. He had no right to tell Joshua how Mingyu caged himself up once a month, but the scars on his body told a story that he felt Joshua needed to know. Werewolves never were meant to be caged in with only themselves to attack. No, Mingyu should be hunting in the depths of the forest. He should be chasing animals, not himself. But that’s no one’s fault. It is hard for a werewolf to account for his actions while transformed. Mingyu is young for a werewolf, so he still has so much to learn, but he knows that he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. It’s Mingyu’s biggest fear: to kill someone or change them into the monster that he’s become If only he knew how to contain himself properly so he could be both himself and the wolf. But then again, that’s why it’s a curse and not a gift. If life were so simple that he’d never have to worry, then his whole existence wouldn’t matter. There wouldn’t be any vampires or werewolves. 

In the distance, Wonwoo can hear Joshua calling out to Mingyu. He can only move so fast, but he needs to make it to Joshua before Mingyu does. Hope is the only thing carrying him because he knows that if he doesn’t make it in time, then he’s only putting himself at risk too. Werewolves are dangerous creatures and all they know is destruction and hunger. No one can teach them to behave. Actually, the only thing that Wonwoo can do for Mingyu is keep him locked up until they figure out something else that is still safe for the public. Why can’t Joshua understand that this is for Mingyu’s safety too? If he hurt someone, then he wouldn’t ever be the same. How doesn’t Joshua see that? 

There’s a small clearing which is where Mingyu keeps himself in the mouth of a cave, caged up behind decaying bars. It isn’t the safest place in the world. Wonwoo knows that they are taking a risk by putting him somewhere and trapping him in, but there is only so much they can actually do. He can’t transform in a building because the same risk exists there, plus buildings are usually closer to the population. Out here, at the very least, he’s only a threat to hikers and hunters are the only threat to him. None of Wonwoo’s kind would search all the way through the forest for one werewolf. But now this is dangerous because Joshua is standing so close to the metal bars that keep Mingyu from hurting anyone other than himself. One scratch from him and Joshua will be changed forever, but only the lucky just got scratched. More often than not, werewolves struck to kill. Mingyu would not be an exception now. 

“You have to get away from him,” warns Wonwoo, but Joshua doesn’t even spare him a glance as he takes another cautious step towards Mingyu’s cage. There is no way for him to free Mingyu without a casualty occurring. The forest, however unknown to the wolf, is still its home. Wonwoo and Joshua have no business being here. “If he gets out of there, all he’ll do is kill us both!” More than anything, Wonwoo wants to live, but Mingyu and Joshua are the most important people in his life. If he just leaves them right now, to save himself, then he’ll be able to find people to replace them, but that’s never been how he’s lived. He’s not a person of morals, but he knows better than to abandon people. Once upon a time, it had been him who had been abandoned. 

Joshua possesses a stubbornness that Wonwoo typically likes, but now it is dangerous. “You are risking your life  _ and  _ mine, doesn’t that matter to you? What would Mingyu do without us?” Anything. He’d say anything to get it right so Joshua would stop inching closer to Mingyu’s growling form. He lurches towards the bars, towards Joshua, and it startles Joshua enough for him to momentarily stop. “How he is now… he can’t be aware of us, he doesn’t know us. We can’t try to help him in the ways we want to, we have to help in the ways we can.” There’s no way to stop Joshua because he doesn’t think this is the right way to help Mingyu, Wonwoo understands that much. Watching him come home hurt and bleeding every month isn’t right, but finding a successful routine for a werewolf takes time and dedication. Mingyu has to keep the whole city safe and he’s decided that the only way to do that is to lock himself in. To Wonwoo, that had made sense, but now he understands how it isn’t for the best. This isn’t a long-term solution for them to rely on. Even if Wonwoo is the one who has lived for almost a century, he might not always know best. 

Still, he knows that this isn’t the way to go about finding a better solution. “He can’t keep hurting himself!” Joshua doesn’t turn away from Mingyu’s line of sight. Where he’s standing is so dangerous. If those bars broke, then Mingyu could reach him in a matter of seconds. He wouldn’t be able to survive now that he’s so close. Wonwoo’s far enough away to run, even though he knows he might not make it either. Werewolves are incredibly fast and lithe creatures. “I can’t keep letting him hurt! I can’t believe you just thought this was okay! He trusted you and you’ve just been letting him hurt himself more and more every month!” It is foolish to care about something so trivial. Wonwoo thinks that it is very human of Joshua to be concerned with a werewolf’s wellbeing. Any other human would be driving bullets through him because of how hideous and terrifying he is. He’s a monster straight out of a nightmare, but Joshua is still looking at him like he’s his entire world. 

“If you let him out, he’ll kill us. He won’t be able to live with himself then.” Yelling across the distance is so dramatic, but Wonwoo can’t risk his life by getting any closer. Plus, he’d never admit it, but Mingyu scares him. The way he is right now isn’t at all like when Wonwoo acts monstrously. Vampires don’t morph or change shape, instead their eyes become the darkest black one’s ever seen. It is a ghoulish sight, but it doesn’t even compare with seeing a werewolf up close.  Something like that… shouldn’t exist in this world. Vampires, werewolves, ghosts, all the main characters of horror stories, should only exist as fiction. But the world is forever surprising. 

Again, Mingyu throws his body against the bars and they bend underneath his weight. For some strange reason, Joshua doesn’t move. He acts like he’s not scared of him, but Wonwoo knows how hard his heart is beating right now: he can feel it in his mouth. It makes his stomach churn sickeningly because he knows that he doesn’t want to hurt Joshua. There’s no part of him that wants to drink from him, but his whole being craves him. It always has. 

The longer Joshua and Wonwoo stand here, the harder Mingyu fights to escape. Eventually, he’ll break free because he’s too strong. When he breaks free, Joshua will be his first target. The bars creak as he slams his body against them again and again. Joshua doesn’t retreat, but Wonwoo knows that that is their only option. If they don’t leave, then Mingyu won’t even have to chase them. They’ll be caught, right here, in the open. “Please,” Wonwoo doesn’t like to beg, but he can’t lose them here, not like this. “Please, let’s leave. If we start running right now, we’ll be able to make it far enough away that if he gets lose, he might not find us. Don’t be an idiot, Josh.” Mingyu’s gaze wavers towards Wonwoo before he continues throwing himself onto the bars. As though he’s stuck in place, Joshua doesn’t move. He can’t look away from Mingyu, but there’s no fear in his gaze. Wonwoo can’t understand it. All he knows is that when Mingyu breaks free, if he gets in between them to save Joshua, then he’s just as dead as Joshua is now. 

The cage’s opening gives a little too much. With another final push, he’ll be free. “Joshua!” Wonwoo yells, rushing towards him. It’s going to be too late. Wonwoo has lived too long and seen too much to not know how this will end. 

Just before reaching Joshua, Mingyu stops. There’s a war raging inside him, almost like he’s vaguely aware that it is Joshua standing before him. Wonwoo knows better, but there’s a hopefulness inside Joshua. He takes a step forward just as Wonwoo reaches for him. Then, they are both being thrown through the air towards the trees. 

While he doesn’t know where Joshua lands, he knows that he’s taken the hardest hit. Mingyu’s claws had sunken into his skin which means that they might not have hit Joshua. That’s all Wonwoo can hope for now, as he clambers along the forest floor, clutching his side. His whole body hurts, but he knows that he has to find Joshua now. If he’s injured, then Wonwoo has to get him to the hospital, and if he’s dead, then… Then Wonwoo has to be ready to deal with the morning after with Mingyu. “Joshua?” He tries to be quiet, but there’s no point anymore. Off in the distance, Mingyu howls up towards the moon. The wolf that he is is probably happy to be free. No longer is he captive in his body, instead, he has the whole forest as his playground. How long will it be until he finds them? 

The scent of blood is suddenly heavy. It is enough to make Wonwoo’s mouth water. “Wonwoo?” There’s so much blood that it is staining his body. All he can smell is Joshua. It challenges Wonwoo in a way that he’s never been challenged before. He knows that he has to ignore his cravings, but it has been so long for him. He doesn’t want to wait any longer to drink. Joshua is right here, skull broken open from the impact, and Wonwoo knows he isn’t going to make it. In a sickening twist of fate, he can feel Joshua dying. “I can’t see? I can’t see.” His voice is too calm and too quiet. Wonwoo can’t stand the sight of seeing one of his closest friends broken and bloody on the floor. It makes him hungry and sick. How can he help?

“How can I help?” It is more to himself than to Joshua. He can’t even be sure that Joshua hears him. There’s so much blood that it is pooling around Joshua’s body and making his skin shine in the moonlight. Soon, he’ll be dead. If Wonwoo doesn’t do anything, then they’ll lose Joshua here and it’ll be Mingyu’s fault. It shouldn't have to be Mingyu’s fault. It doesn’t have to be Mingyu’s fault. 

He knows better than to make such a drastic decision for Joshua, but he can live with these consequences, even if Mingyu will hate him. Slowly, his teeth sink into his own palm until blood appears. It hurts, but no more than it had when he was human. If anything, it hurts less now that he’s this monster. Once he’s bleeding, he places his hand over Joshua’s mouth to let him feed from him. It’s sloppy, but he only has the memory of his own change to act on. It has to be this simple, because if it isn’t, then he’s gone and lost Joshua completely. Softly, he can feel him latch onto his skin, but hesitantly, as though he’s not sure of what’s happening. It is so wrong of Wonwoo to do this, but there’s no other way to save him. They are too far away from a hospital to save him from the type of injuries he has. Either Joshua changes, or he dies. There are no other options for them here. 

After awhile, Joshua detaches himself from Wonwoo, but it is only to scream in agony. This is a pain that Wonwoo remembers. His heart will stop and his body will shut down, but after that, he will slowly come to life again. It feels like a Frankenstein job of fixing things, but he can’t let Mingyu become a killer. But Wonwoo? That’s all he’s ever known, so it can’t hurt him to add Joshua to his list, even if he’s not really killing him. Here is when Joshua’s life ends, but it also begins. Except, this isn’t a gift. Wonwoo could never see it as a gift like the ones who recruited him do, but it is better than death, than being murdered by the person he loves most in the world. It would take some time, but Joshua would be able to get used to this life, just like Wonwoo had. Maybe, one day, he’d be thankful to Wonwoo, but that’s something he could never ask of him. 

The pain will pass after awhile. Wonwoo had been struggling with consciousness for three days. Expectant faces had loomed over him, excited to watch his transformation. If he closes his eyes, he can still remember that in the haziness of everything, Junhui’s eyes had pierced through him and asked him to stay forever. When he finally woke up, he had been alone, but he knew where to find them. Because he understands this process so intimately, he’s not going to leave Joshua. The most important thing is to wake up with people ready to help. As soon as he wakes up, all he’ll be able to think about is the thirst. That’s how it is for all newly recruited vampires. It is too easy to get lost in that thirst, and once lost, people get hurt. Innocent people end up dead and drained in back alleys and on playgrounds and Wonwoo knows better than to curse Joshua like this, but he can’t lose them. Mingyu would never be the same without Joshua and Wonwoo… It’s selfish, but he can’t go back to Junhui. 

He needs them, even if it is in the wrong ways as much as the right ones. 

☄

Mingyu finds them in the woods, drying blood staining the forest floor. Sleep isn’t a necessity for vampires, but Wonwoo feels drained. It’s most likely the gash in his side that’s making him feel so sickly. Werewolves are usually toxic for vampires: their bodily fluids alone are enough to poison and potentially kill a vampire. The history between them is deeply rooted in animosity and danger. In a world they should stay together in, their past drives them apart. Junhui’s clan couldn’t stand to be around werewolves, but they didn’t hunt them like some others were known to. In Britain, dog fighting rings were setup to pit werewolf against werewolf in fights to the death. Here, werewolves are safer, but not by much. There are vampires to the north and south that eliminate any werewolves who get too close to their cities. They claim to be safeguarding themselves, but Wonwoo knows they are greedy for power and rooted in the old ways. 

Beside him, Joshua twitches. His fingers are trying to grasp for something, but Wonwoo hasn’t been able to figure out what. Maybe it is Mingyu that he’s wanted this whole time, or maybe the thirst is already burning his throat. Thinking about Joshua makes Wonwoo’s own throat burn uncomfortably. For decades, he’s been off blood, but he knows that any mistake could have him spiralling. Humans are prone to too many accidents. He knows that Joshua had threatened his sanity numerous times while living together. That’s something they won’t have to worry about anymore. 

“Hey,” Wonwoo sounds pathetic, like he’s just been beaten up and left in the back of an abandoned alleyway. And if he sounds pathetic, then Mingyu looks it. He’s fighting between anger and worry and confusion. None want to address the truth of the situation, but it’s so obvious. Even if Mingyu has never seen a changing occur before, he still can figure out what’s happening to Joshua. The dried blood around his mouth should tell the whole story. 

Anger wins out. It always does with Mingyu. 

His foot drives hard into Wonwoo’s uninjured side and he wishes that he would play soccer with his head instead. The pain is enough to have him gasping for air, but he welcomes it. If self-loathing was a contest, then he’d get first place and the runner-up would be Mingyu. They both know the damage they’ve inflicted on Joshua, or at least, they understand the effects of their damage. “How  _ dare  _ you –” Again, he kicks and Wonwoo’s skin welcomes the attack. “You had  _ no  _ right…” The confusion is starting to take over, but the anger is still there. He picks Wonwoo up by the shoulders of his clothing and just as he’s about to throw him against the nearest tree, he notices it. The claw marks. 

Suddenly, it makes sense, even if it is the last possible reality that he wants to accept. 

Stunned, he drops his hold on Wonwoo. “ _ No _ ,” he whispers, eyes trailing over to Joshua and the blood splattered all around him. “No,” he whispers again, shaking his head and stepping back. If he runs, then Wonwoo won’t be able to catch him, but he knows that his loyalty to Joshua will win out. He’s the one who forced Wonwoo’s hand, so he’ll stay. Leaving Joshua isn’t an option because he knows that this is his fault as much as it is Wonwoo’s. Both had a hand in his ruin. That’s what monsters did to humans: they ruined them. 

“He found out why you kept coming home with scars. I couldn’t stop him from leaving and by the time we were here, it was too late. He wouldn’t go home. I couldn’t let him die, Mingyu. I knew you’d never have hurt him if you had known it was him. I couldn’t just let him die because he loves you too much.” Wonwoo knows what it is like to be killed figuratively, out of love. Junhui wanted to keep him forever, so he’s the mirror image of him now. “I know it wasn’t the right choice, but it was the only one. We would have lost him forever.” 

There’s a question in Mingyu’s fiery gaze. He doesn’t understand where Wonwoo factors into this. To Mingyu, there’s never really be a ‘we.’ Werewolves and vampires are selfish creatures by nature, but Mingyu’s never needed anyone other than Joshua and his family. He had chosen to live with his problem instead of running away from them. He’s still in contact with his parents, but there’s an island of secrets between them now. Visiting them is hard for him, especially when he’s a different person inside now, but he knows how to keep his life balanced. As long as the wolf is far away from humanity, he can be human for twenty-nine days out of thirty. 

But Joshua couldn’t deal with the secrets between them. He made uncovering them his business, even though it shouldn’t have been. If Mingyu had kept this life hidden from Joshua, then he wouldn’t have been chasing him through the forest to make sure he didn’t hurt himself. It isn’t his fault for being honest, but at the same time, he could have prevented this by keeping it from him. This life is complicated, infinitely complicated. Every decision could be the wrong one: the one that destroys someone. Letting Joshua know about the supernatural was the wrong decision because in every reality, it would have ended up like this. He’s too blind to the evil that runs through both Wonwoo and Mingyu. Joshua has never thought of them as an ugly scar on humanity, instead, he had thought that blending was possible. Without a second thought, he believed that a vampire wouldn’t kill him in the middle of the night. Without fear, he had started a transformed werewolf in the eye and still felt overwhelming love. 

Out of all the people in the world, it should have never been Joshua. 

Mingyu’s gaze drifts back to Joshua. There’s so much pain in his expression. “How long is he going to be like that?” It is obvious that he’s scared to ask. Maybe he doesn’t want the answer or maybe he’s scared of Wonwoo. 

The comatose state of a newly recruited vampire never lasts more than a couple days. Wonwoo knew vampires who changed in a night and others who took four days to change. It never was consistent. The older ones believe that it has something to do with trauma, both physical and mental, of the event. Wonwoo didn’t know, even though he had his own personal experience to go off of, he could never be certain of why it had taken him three days to regain consciousness and reintegrate with the world. 

“Not more than a couple of days,” Wonwoo decides to answer him. Keeping him in the dark will only be disastrous. The most they can do now is be honest with one another. This is a situation they are in together, even if Mingyu doesn’t want to admit that. “It has been long enough that I think it is safe to transport him. He’s too heavy to carry by myself because he might thrash.” Mingyu isn’t sparing Wonwoo a glance, but he’s listening to him. “If you want, we can make it back to the car and take him home.” 

“Okay,” Mingyu nods, squatting down to pick Joshua up. “Do we need to keep him like this?” 

Honestly, Wonwoo doesn’t know. There had been no one to care for him, but Junhui had watched him like he was some science experiment. His life had been stolen from him and then treated with the roughest hands. “I think it is fine to hold him however… we just need to make sure he doesn’t move too much. I don’t know how much pain he’s feeling right now. There will be periods of relief alongside extreme, constant pain. He’s not screaming, so I think if we transport him quickly, it’ll be fine.” He mirrors Mingyu, going towards his head to help carry him, but before he can pick him up, Mingyu folds him into his arms. He’s carrying him alone, bridal style, towards the car. Wonwoo has no choice but to trail behind them. 

☄

“Do we need to get him blood? Can he feed off me or something?” Mingyu had insisted on driving, but Wonwoo knows how dangerous he is in this type of emotional state. There’s too much about vampires that is unknown to him. Humans, he had been one, so he understood Joshua, but now he’ll be a stranger. Wonwoo wishes that it wouldn’t be like starting from the basics again, but in a sense, it will be. “How can we get him blood without killing anyone? Can you take some from the hospital? Will that work? Does it need to be fresh? Can you get it fresh?” The constant questions cause Wonwoo to swerve towards the median. Crashing their car won’t destroy them, but Mingyu wouldn’t be questioning him anymore. The answers are simple enough: Wonwoo actually can answer him. Well, he could if Mingyu would stop long enough for him to get a word into the conversation he’s having with himself. 

Blood from the hospital will work, but it won’t be good enough. “I can get some. I’ll look on the roster to see if there are any donors today. That’ll be the easiest way to go about it. The fresher it is, the better, but it alone won’t curb his thirst. We’ll have to watch him closely. Sometimes the thirst controls us more than we control it. Especially while he’s in so much pain… Drinking makes all that pain go away, but he can wait it out with the blood I take from the hospital, as long as we are here for him.” Gently, he guides the car back towards the middle of his lane. Buildings loom taller as they get closer to the city. “Also, he can’t ever drink from you. Your blood will kill him.” 

Werewolves don’t usually group together the way vampires do. Information that they need is harder to share. If a vampire attacked Mingyu, then he wouldn’t have known that his blood could poison them. That gives the vampires an upper hand against werewolves, as though their sheer number doesn’t already give them an advantage. Wonwoo knows that it would be wrong to keep this a secret from Mingyu, especially now that Joshua is changed. If he tried to let Joshua feed off of him, then Joshua could die. But Wonwoo doesn’t think that he’d try. The smell of Mingyu’s blood is unappetizing enough to throw a red flag, but for a newly recruited vampire, Wonwoo isn’t sure what he wouldn’t try. Wonwoo knows that when he was recruited, he would have done anything to conquer his thirst, especially when drinking made him feel euphoric. All of the pain, sadness, and loneliness disappeared. When he had drank for the first time, he felt complete again. It was almost like being reborn without any of the burdens that had been weighing him down. He was still Wonwoo, but he was forever infinitely different. 

“Okay.” Mingyu says, then looks out the window. The silence between them is cold enough to freeze Wonwoo down to his core. There’s a lot weighing on Mingyu’s mind and unloading it all will take some time. “I won’t leave his side, if that’s what it takes. He can be clean, like you, right?” There’s a broken tune in the hopefulness of his question. It is almost like he knows that it is practically impossible to raise a vampire without the expectation for them to kill. It is their one instinct: hunting. Werewolves have the same one, but they operate in different ways. 

Plus, it isn’t as though werewolves are any better at keeping others safe. Their window of opportunity is just narrower because they aren’t constantly plagued by their curse. 

Turning into the city causes Mingyu to lapse into total silence again. In the backseat, Joshua groans and it makes Wonwoo hurt. If he had just left Joshua there to die, then maybe Mingyu could have found happiness again, but it wouldn’t be beside Wonwoo. No matter what, he’d blame this situation partially on Wonwoo. If only he had been able to stop Joshua from turning the car around to go after Mingyu. It should have been obvious that he’d never learn how to let things be. Humans are so foolish that they risk their lives for others. Wonwoo should have known that Joshua would have been willing to die for Mingyu, if it meant keeping him safe. Maybe that’s how it just should have been. Did Wonwoo make a mistake by not letting him die? He definitely went against fate, if there’s even such a thing as it. Joshua should have died in that instance, but instead, he’s going to live forever. Did Wonwoo do the right thing?

Another groan from the backseat causes Mingyu to shift uncomfortably in his seat. It has to be hard to watch Joshua writhe in incredible pain. Wonwoo doesn’t know the feeling, but he knows someone who does. How was it for Junhui? If anything, Junhui probably enjoyed it because he thought all his dreams were going to come true. Little did he know how broken he’d made Wonwoo. All of his life’s struggles were nothing compared to Junhui destroying him. Wonwoo had trusted him, and he had abused that trust brutally. Never would Wonwoo be able to think of Junhui in the same light. He was incredibly selfish and acted of his own volition, putting Wonwoo in danger. 

Just thinking about Junhui makes Wonwoo feel sick.

He knows he’ll be hearing from him soon. Changing Joshua is against their rules, especially because Wonwoo is not a recruiter. Even when he did get along with the older vampires, he never had been in charge of hunting. All this time, he’s always just been in charge of covering up the murders. Playing the role of the coroner is usually left to an easily manipulated human, but Wonwoo had studied all the sciences he could in his years of life. Knowledge fed him more than misery ever could. Being the coroner allows him to stay in contact with his society while also keeping him at a distance from it. He doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to do. His only job is to lie. 

They are ten blocks away from their apartment when Joshua starts screaming. Because it is only eight in the morning, the streets aren’t so crowded, but there are still people who glance around to make sure they aren’t in danger. No one wants to play the hero without sizing up the threat. Nobody could imagine this threat, or, at least, they wouldn’t want to believe it if they did. Mingyu whips around in his seat with shaking hands. They don’t know what to do, how to help, but they want to. He acts like they are detached from his brain. His hands have desires that his brain doesn’t comprehend. Wonwoo knows that he can’t take his attention away from the road. Nothing would be worse than them getting into a wreck with so many people nearby. If anyone got injured and Joshua woke up, he’d start a massacre. 

“What do I do?” Mingyu asks, fingers brushing against Joshua’s twitching hands. “How can I help?”

That’s what Wonwoo had asked himself before he had done the unthinkable. “You can’t.” He says, but he doesn’t know if he’s answering Mingyu or himself. “He just has to ride it out. We are almost home. Once we are there, we can tuck him into bed and wait for him to wake up. If he screams, then so be it. The pain’s too much for his body.” 

The reality of the situation is sickening, but Mingyu has to understand it. If they want to take good care of Joshua, then they have to be on the same page. Wonwoo can’t know what to do while Mingyu just sits there, twiddling his thumbs. “What happens after we get home, Wonwoo?” There’s a hardness in his voice that Wonwoo recognizes immediately. It is the anger that he’s trying to swallow: it has solidified into a lump in his throat. It isn’t right for him to be so angry at him, but it isn’t wrong either. The whole situation is difficult to comprehend. 

“Nothing, really. He wakes up changed and we feed him. I’ll leave you two together to get the blood so we have some. I’ll make sure to cover my tracks. All you need to know is that he’s going to be thirsty and in pain when he wakes up. You’ll need to keep him in the house by distracting him. Lie to him if you have to because he’ll think about doing it to you. This will change him at first, Mingyu, but it won’t last forever. You have to trust me.” He turns onto their street with shaky hands. “Try to get him to shower. He’s covered in mud and sweat.” There’s no certainty if he’ll wake up while Wonwoo is gone, but he wants Mingyu to be prepared for the worst. He knows that Mingyu doesn’t trust him, but he has to believe him. If he wants to help Joshua, then he’ll believe him for now. Later, he can take his anger out on him, but now, they need to be neutral with one another. 

Mingyu doesn’t say anything, just looks out the window until Wonwoo puts the car into park outside their building. Then, he’s rushing to pull Joshua out of the car, to get away from Wonwoo, to hide Joshua away from prying eyes. It is obvious that Mingyu needs time alone, but being alone with Joshua isn’t the same as being truly alone. Wonwoo can only hope that Mingyu doesn’t hurt himself while he’s gone. He didn’t mean to hurt Joshua, and he didn’t lose Joshua. With time, things would heal back to the way they once were. It just needs some time. That’s all. 

☄

“What did you do?” That’s what Mingyu says as soon as Wonwoo picks up. Working the graveyard shift is tiring, but Wonwoo thinks it is suiting. What vampire isn’t active in the dead of night? Usually Wonwoo, but that didn’t really matter because when is he ever active. But it is definitely too late in the night to be dealing with Mingyu. 

He hopes Joshua woke up. It doesn’t make sense with what Mingyu is asking, but he wants it to be about Joshua. It has been almost four days and Wonwoo’s getting nervous that he’s done something wrong. However, he’s sure that Joshua is still alive because most of the time he’s screaming. There’s nothing behind his gaze though, and that’s the problem. Wonwoo can’t ask for help from anyone either because he knows that they’ll only chide him for enlisting someone without their recommendations. 

Maybe he doesn’t need sleep, but Wonwoo feels exhausted. A century is weighing heavy on him. “What do you mean? I’ve been at work all night, so I have no idea what you’re talking about.” The smell of blood and death coats the walls around him, but he doesn’t feel thirsty. If anything, he just wants to finish his report on the body laying before him. It’s been here for two days and he’s nearly drawn his conclusions. The job isn’t terrible, but he hates when it isn’t his own kind murdering. Human-on-human murder challenges him to think in a new way. He got the job without the appropriate accreditation, but he’s more than qualified to be here. It just might not be the perfect job for a vampire, especially when he always has ulterior motives. 

“We had a note on our door. I popped out to check the mail and when I came back I noticed it. You didn’t see it earlier?” It makes Wonwoo wish he could strangle Mingyu. The way he speaks matter-of-factly, like Wonwoo should just know and notice everything, annoys him endlessly. “We’re being kicked out due to noise complaints that haven’t been addressed properly.” 

_ Joshua _ . “Then we’ll find somewhere else to live. They have to give us twenty-four, right? Just start packing our things and when I get home, I’ll finish the job. In the morning, we’ll find somewhere.” Moving is part of Wonwoo’s life. If he stays too long in one place, then people will start to notice that he doesn’t age. It is understandable that Mingyu is upset about this, especially when Joshua doesn’t need to be moved until he wakes up.  

“Fine,” he says. In the background, Wonwoo can hear Joshua stir and groan. He tries to convince himself that he sounds closer to consciousness than he did yesterday. It is the hardest pill to swallow, but he has to. Traveling with Joshua is going to be hard if he’s not awake yet. There’s not anywhere they can just put him, aside from the hospital, and Wonwoo doesn’t trust Junhui enough to leave Joshua with him for even a couple of hours. Mingyu might try to argue with him on it, but if he knew him, then he’d understand Wonwoo’s hesitance.

Quietly, just as Wonwoo moves to hang up, Mingyu speaks. “When’s he going to wake up?” 

Wonwoo wishes he knew for sure. “Soon, Mingyu. Try to get some sleep.”

Then he laughs, and it almost sounds like an unbroken Mingyu. Wonwoo could close his eyes and pretend that everything is okay. Joshua doesn’t have to be writhing in pain on their couch. Instead, Joshua could be sleeping away right beside Mingyu while Mingyu obnoxiously checks in on him to make sure he’s not going to be out the whole night. If only it could be a week ago with Joshua dancing in his underwear in the kitchen and Mingyu joining in because he can’t resist Joshua for even a second. Wonwoo hates that his life takes the best things and ruins them. 

He hates that the best things in his life had once been taken from him too, by someone as selfish as he is. 

“Impossible,” Mingyu sounds so tired. They haven’t been sleeping for days and it is dangerous for Mingyu to get this way. It’ll only make his next transformation more painful on his body. “I’ll try to get all the rooms packed up.” 

“Okay.” There’s no argument left in Wonwoo. “I’ll be there to help soon.” 

☄

It’s five in the morning when Wonwoo finally makes it back home. All of his paperwork had been filed away and his request for a transfer to any hospital in Seoul was given to the front desk. It’d be approved, because Junhui’s never been able to deny him, but there would be questions. That’s what he wishes he could avoid. “Home,” he announces, closing the door behind him. 

A very familiar face turns to greet him. “Welcome,” Joshua says with his hands gripping a picture frame. The photograph is ancient, from when Wonwoo had been alive. Vampires can’t show up in photos, so this is all he has left of himself. It is the tiniest bit of his history that he dares to keep. What will Joshua want to keep? How long will he actually end up keeping it before it turns sour in his mind? Mingyu steps into the living room from the hallway with another picture frame in hand. “Thanks,” Joshua says to him, then turns back to Wonwoo. “We only have the living room and the kitchen left to pack up.” He says it like he’s not been unconscious for five days. 

Wonwoo can’t stop the overwhelming flood of happiness that drives him towards Joshua. He’s pulling him into his embrace before anyone can react. “You’re up…” There’s a hint of disbelief in Wonwoo’s tone. Maybe exhaustion is weighing on him so heavy that he’s just imagining Joshua packing away their stuff with Mingyu. “We’ve missed you so much.” Now that he’s closer, he can smell the faint trace of blood on him. Cold blood will never do for vampires, but for a newborn, anything is better than nothing. If he doesn’t have the memory of warm blood sliding down his throat, then he won’t fantasize about it. “I’m so sorry.” 

The apology is desperately said, but Joshua just laughs and holds him close. “I missed you too, Wonwoo. It’s all okay now.” It’s too good to be true. Wonwoo knows that it is way too good to be true. No one just wakes up as a vampire without being a hurricane of desire and ugliness. Joshua can’t just wake up and be back to normal. His humanity had been stripped away from him by the two people he trusted most in the world. His problem had been giving all that trust to two creatures who couldn’t ever be blindly trusted. Mingyu’s and Wonwoo’s hands only know how to inflict pain. It was only a matter of time before they hurt Joshua. 

“He woke up just two hours ago. I gave him almost all the blood we had in the fridge.” Mingyu breaks the moment up. There is still anger between them because Joshua is different, even if he doesn’t seem like it. It will take awhile before they find normality again, especially because Wonwoo’s giving Joshua forever. Before, they had had similar fates, but now Wonwoo and Joshua are the similar ones. He’s taken something from Mingyu that he can’t ever replace. “He insisted on helping me since it is technically his fault we have to find a new place to live. I was trying to get him to rest.” His words are curt. Joshua can clearly feel the tension in the air. It makes him tense up, puts him on edge. He hadn’t asked Wonwoo to change him, but he wishes that this is exactly what Joshua had wanted in that moment, then Wonwoo could stop feeling like the villian. 

Gently, that’s how Wonwoo has to tread now. He moves away from Joshua, stepping back. “You should be the one resting.” It’s matter-of-fact, but he tries to keep the pent up anger out of his tone. Fighting with Mingyu will never reap positive results. He’s completely independent and loyal and when he fights, he goes straight for the throat.

“Go to Hell,” Mingyu turns back to collect the rest of the things from the hallway. 

Joshua purses his lips before heading after him. Maybe the tension is good for him because it keeps him occupied for now. He doesn’t have to focus on the pain or the thirst because he has Mingyu to worry about. Wonwoo knows that they will have to stop fighting sometime, but this morning isn’t the time. So, he busies himself in the living room, collecting all of their memories carefully. Glass is wrapped in towels and blankets so it doesn’t shatter while all the other knick-knacks find themselves in one box marked ‘living room.’ When Mingyu and Joshua finish with the hallway, they move into the kitchen, avoiding Wonwoo. 

It isn’t the first time he’s been treated like this, and he doubts it is the last. 

A knock at the door interrupts them. Wonwoo knows who it is before Joshua even opens the door. He can tell because his knees start to shake as he approaches the door. “Hello?” It’s his voice. It makes Wonwoo feel sick immediately. He wants to close the door on him, but everyone knows better than to do that. “Oh, and who are you? I wasn’t aware that Wonwoo had been enlisting others without our permission.” His tall, lanky body crowds the doorway. Mingyu steps in front of Joshua protectively and Wonwoo has to take over. There’s no telling what Mingyu could say or do to Junhui. What Junhui could do to Mingyu is even scarier to imagine. 

“I didn’t enlist him.” He schools his expression, voiding it of emotion. “He was dying and he’s been my roommate for a couple years now. I thought this was better than letting him die. I was going to talk to you about it later.” 

“Before or after you were going to talk to me about your request to work in Seoul? Does it have to do with him?” Junhui closes the door behind him and looks around at his surroundings, taking them in. “You’re moving?” 

“We have to,” Joshua says, unafraid. He’s always been like this. “Too many noise complaints.” 

Junhui hums thoughtfully, crossing his arms. “We could have offered you a safe place for him to change. Then you wouldn’t have to be moving.” There’s laughter in him that’s threatening to spill out. Part of him thinks Wonwoo is just a huge joke. That’s the way it has always been with them. “Do you need help taking the boxes out? I could call Jonghyun and Seungcheol…”

“No,” growls Mingyu. “Keep your freaks away from us.” 

“Says the werewolf living with two vampires,” Junhui scoffs. He never used to be like this, but as soon as Wonwoo had run away, he changed. His darkness only grows with the more distance in between their feelings. “Where are you moving to? You know you can’t just move to Seoul without letting me know. How am I supposed to protect you if you don’t tell me?” His job is making Wonwoo feel uncomfortable and monitored. He’s so good at it, but only because he’s the one who injected the tracker into his skin. Sometimes, Wonwoo thinks there might literally be one. Sometimes, he thinks he can feel it right behind his left ear.

“Anyways, I can approve this, but you have to let me know when you change someone  _ and  _ when you move. We don’t take kindly to our own kind turning against us. At the very least, we can be civil with one another. I’d like to think of us as neighbors, at the very least. Plus, I’m your boss.” All Wonwoo wants is to get Junhui away from him. He’s already taken control of the situation with just his words. Can Joshua and Mingyu understand the power that he radiates or is it just his effect on Wonwoo? Either way, he wants him to leave. The longer he stays, the harder it is for Wonwoo to breathe. He wishes that he had never invited him in years ago, then he wouldn’t be able to enter now. 

He’s so foolish for believing that they could be on good terms ever again. 

“I did tell you. I requested to be transferred, so moving isn’t a secret. We don’t know where exactly in Seoul we are going, but we wanted a change of scenery. Just let us go, Junhui. I’ll make sure to see you at the hospital and let you know where I’m at so you never have to lose track of me.” It is like, because he created him, he’s invested in him. Wonwoo wishes he could have that part of him back just so Junhui wouldn’t feel responsible for him. Cutting Junhui out of his life is the only healthy change he needs to make to be happy. Well, that and getting Mingyu’s forgiveness. That would make happiness easier to hold too. 

Junhui’s gaze falls on the bare walls. He shrugs. “Deal. I’ll be seeing you later, in Seoul then. It’s very nice to meet you…” He extends a hand towards Joshua, but Mingyu growls at him before Joshua can meet him halfway. It is for the best that Joshua doesn’t get closer to him. It is so dangerous for them to get close to one another. Just the thought of it has anxiety pooling in Wonwoo’s gut. “Down, mutt.” Junhui scowls at him with the most hateful expression Wonwoo has ever seen playing on his face. He can’t even be civil with Mingyu to hide his true ugliness. Wonwoo sees how he wants to attack him, but there’s something restraining him. Wonwoo thinks it might be him, but it could also be Joshua. Having a newborn on their side will only strengthen their forces. 

“Well, have a good day, then.” Junhui’s smile returns as he makes for the door. There’s a ravenous look in Mingyu’s eyes, but he doesn’t go after him. Never has Wonwoo been so thankful for his patience. The door shuts and the sound echoes in the emptied apartment. Everyone is stunned by Junhui’s presence and how it still clings to the room. 

Wonwoo is the first to move because he knows Junhui’s grandeur can’t last forever. It shatters underneath the lightest touch. “I’ll start taking boxes to the cars.” He says without meeting anyone’s eye, grabbing the nearest box. 

They need a new start, but all of them know that’s not what they are getting. Junhui’s a reminder that they’ll always be followed by the community that they want to disappear from the most. If only,  _ if only _ , they could just go back to being human for just an hour… That’s the kind of restart they need. Living as they are, it just doesn’t work. 

And Wonwoo’s scared that it won’t ever work again. 

 

two **.**

No one has been able to hear Soonyoung for months, but he still tries to make contact. It’s a little bit of desperation and a lot of boredom. For  _ centuries  _ he could be like this, possibly. Well, he doesn’t know the specifics of the laws of the universe, but he knows that he’s very much dead, but still a little alive. If that makes any sense. 

He doesn’t like the word  _ ghost _ very much, but  _ phantom  _ is even worse.  _ Specter  _ sounds… awkward, a little bit like he’s living in Britain or somewhere posh like that.  _ Wraith  _ isn’t even in his vocabulary.  _ Apparition  _ is probably a Harry Potter term or something, definitely  _ not  _ a real thing.  _ Spirit  _ reminds him of that one horse movie, or that really great cartoonish movie that he used to watch with his cousins,  _ Spirited Away _ . So,  _ spirit  _ is definitely his preferred title, but even then… it doesn’t feel right. 

He doesn’t feel undead, like a zombie. He feels a lot of things and they are all incredibly human. For him, human hadn’t been too long ago, so he knows that if he closes his eyes, then he can trick himself into thinking he’s still alive. That’s why he just prefers to be  _ Soonyoung _ . It doesn’t matter what he is, just the who is important.

_ Why am I not alive? What happened to me? _

If he could go back and reset time, then he would because living forever isn’t all that it is cracked up to be. Maybe he’s only been condemned to this life for three months, but he doesn’t enjoy this way of living. Humans have functions that have to be tended to, but Soonyoung is simply void of them. He doesn’t have to use the bathroom, no matter how many times he tries. He can’t eat or drink, but he can still interact with objects. If he wants, then he can touch anything, but that type of science is beyond him.  _ How  _ does he hold these things? He couldn’t explain it to anyone, not even a toddler. All he knows is that if he reaches out for a cup, he can pick it up. At the same time though, he can phase through walls.  _ What kind of shit is that? _ Soonyoung would probably never understand how to properly be a ghost, but he could try to manage. At least, that’s all he could try to do because living his life eternally is a lot more boring than he imagined it would be. 

Apparently, he had died, but the circumstances surrounding his death weren’t exactly crystal clear. All Soonyoung knows is that when he opened his eyes he had been staring at himself. Specifically, he had been staring at his dead body with its unseeing eyes that had a dainty bit of black eyeliner dragged beneath both. At twenty-three, he probably didn’t deserve to die, but accidents happened all the time. And if it hadn’t been for that accident, then he wouldn’t have this opportunity: to do absolutely nothing for the rest of the eternity. It would be quite the shame for Soonyoung to be missing out on this. 

One of the rules of being a ghost that Soonyoung  _ has  _ figured out, is that he’s probably supposed to stay at his house. This is where he died, so this is where he should be staying, right? That’s what Casper did and he’s like… the God of all ghosts, so it only makes sense that he obeys the laws of a God. Plus, no one can see him, why would he leave? What would he do if he left? Honestly,  _ honestly _ , what did other ghosts do with their time? Maybe he needed to leave, if only to find another ghost so he could learn more about himself, but where would he even begin to look for another ghost at? There isn’t some hangout place for ghosts that all ghosts other than Soonyoung know about, right? 

He could figure out how to meet other ghosts later. Right now, he’s staying put inside his apartment to size up the people viewing his house. These are potential roommates and they have to be approved by him before they can just move on in. He was there first! Plus, it isn’t like he can actually approve or disapprove of them… Some people just don’t like unexplained falling vases or slamming doors. It doesn’t make them feel safe. 

So, that’s that. He’s going to stay right here until he’s found an appropriate roommate that he trusts with his apartment. It had been his first adult purchase. Finally, he had been at a point in his life where his job could afford to support him and he could leave his parents. At first, it had felt so good, but then it had been terrifying. It isn’t his place anymore, but he still exists here. It feels like his, but he knows that he hardly belongs to himself in this state.  

A ghost. A thing of horror stories. A childhood friend or a monster or a tragedy. Which is Soonyoung? 

There’s a rattling at the door that has Soonyoung rushing down the steps. He knows that he can practically teleport between the levels of his apartment, but he tries to live as humanly as possible. Running down the stairs is just one way he tries to maintain his humanity. “Right this way,” the landlord’s daughter, Yewon, says. She’s a bright, young woman who radiates constant positivity. She isn’t the owner of the apartment, but her family has her take responsibility for it. Soonyoung never had a chance to meet the owner, but he knows from his calls and texts that he’d rather be dealing with Yewon than him. 

Because she can’t see him, Soonyoung settles himself at the bottom of the stairs where he can look out to the living room area and the entrance to the kitchen. From here, he can see that there are three men accompanying Yewon. “It is a little old, so you’ll have to mind some of its eccentricities.” She’s good at her job, so he knows she can talk these three into moving in. Soonyoung himself had been immediately sold on the property once she started reminiscing on growing up here. That’s what Soonyoung had been wanting for his own future family: a place to reminisce about. Plus the place had room to grow. One of the rooms upstairs had been added two years before Soonyoung moved in. He had so many different ideas for that room… Not all of them were good ideas, but all of them were  _ his _ . Now that room would belong to someone else. 

“The hardwood is throughout, although it wouldn’t be expensive to cover it up or get some rugs. I remember we had carpet here when I was young, but as I grew up, we upgraded to hardwood. It looks nicer, but it has to be taken care of. I’d recommend getting carpet if you wanted to get a pet. Are you a cat person? You look like cat people.” She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and heads into the living room, exposing Soonyoung completely. No one has been able to see him in the three weeks she’s had people looking at the apartment, so he doesn’t even try to hide himself anymore. But apparently, now, that’s the wrong decision. Her company looks right at him, not through him like so many others do, but right  _ at _ him. It is like they notice that he’s in the room. He’s acknowledged as the fifth occupant, except Yewon still doesn’t see him. 

Then all of their gazes scatter, but one remains on him. There are questions in that gaze that Soonyoung knows he can’t answer. “I’m a dog person,” one of the men says, then laughs. He’s elegant with a pretty smile. The man standing next to him lightly smacks his thigh in annoyance, but it only causes him to laugh again: light and airy. Their gazes don’t return to Soonyoung, but that one never leaves him. He’s being tortured by the deepest, darkest eyes he’s ever seen, but the man doesn’t say anything to him. He knows he is there, but he doesn’t say anything. It makes Soonyoung’s breath catch in his throat. 

It is a human reaction to be fearful of this stranger: one that he can’t really control. He doesn’t know why but this man looks at him and he feels the hair on the back of neck stand up. Maybe Soonyoung shouldn’t be the scared one considering this stranger is able to see him, a ghost. There’s something complicated and unspoken in the air between them. “We’ll take it,” he says, finally pulling his gaze away from Soonyoung. It doesn’t do anything to put him at ease. Instead, at the prospect of these three becoming his roommates, he feels hollow. 

Yewon seems confused. Her smile falters even though she tries to hold it. “I haven’t even shown you upstairs.” Because she’s good at her job, she knows not to fight with them, but her confusion trips her up. “But if you are sure, then we can go into the living room and talk about rent.” Her smile returns as she sticks an arm out to gesture towards the living room where Soonyoung’s couch sits, dusty and forgotten. “After you.” 

The elegant looking man steps forward immediately, but the one with the dark eyes stop him. “Why don’t you go look at the upstairs with Mingyu while I see if we can afford this place?” There is so much that is unsaid. These men scare him, but he doesn’t know why. Should they? It isn’t like anyone’s been able to touch him or hurt him since he’s died. Now, he’s immortal, but these three make him want to disappear.

So that’s what he does. 

☄

He stays in the bedroom closet while Mingyu and the other two bring boxes into the various rooms. It’s only a matter of time before they start looking for him, because he knows that they were able to see him. It didn’t make sense. They couldn’t be ghosts because Yewon could see  _ them _ , so what made them so special? He should be excited that others can see him, but he doesn’t want it to be these men. They have a dark aura surrounding them and Soonyoung’s never been good at approaching gloomy, scary looking people. Even the friendliest of their pack looks foreboding and intimidating. These aren’t the type of people that Soonyoung wants as his roommates… It doesn’t matter if they can see him or not. What matters to him is that these are good, friendly people who want to spend time getting to know him, and who will take good care of his house. He has done a little bit of dusting, but he hates cleaning. Even while bored out of his mind, he’d prefer to stare at walls rather than clean the house. 

However, he is thankful that no one has come looking for him. Instead, they are focused with getting as much of their stuff unpacked as possible. Mattresses are brought in and Soonyoung can hear debates about whether the couch goes or stays. Soonyoung hopes that it stays because it is the only thing they’ve really kept of his. Yewon had insisted on keeping the couch so that she would have someplace to sign papers with potential buyers. Plus, it was brand new, barely used. Soonyoung thinks that he hardly had it two days before his death. He never even had the chance to break it in while he was alive. 

It isn’t until hours later that he’s found out. The one with the dark eyes slides the door to the closet open and Soonyoung is so shocked that he stays put. Hangers are gripped in his right hand, but he freezes when he notices that he’s not alone. His clothes are forgotten about as he kneels down to inspect Soonyoung. 

He’s weird, but wildly handsome. Being this close to him makes Soonyoung’s breath catch in his throat again, but this time in a good way. “Hello,” he whispers, dropping his clothes onto the floor in a neat lump. He holds out his free hand to Soonyoung. “I’m Jeon Wonwoo, and I guess we’re roommates now. Do you want me to move my stuff into the other room, rather than this one?” His voice is impossibly deep, just like his eyes. Just this encounter makes Soonyoung feel tongue-tied, so he knows that Wonwoo is dangerous to be around. Those people are rare, but there are some people he’s met that causes him to shut down internally. His usual flamboyant self quiets into dead silence around them. 

Wonwoo’s looking at him so earnestly, politely waiting for a reply. It makes Soonyoung feel young and silly. “Hi,” he whispers, gaze dropping to inspect his clothes. He’d died in a sunbright yellow sweater and black skinny jeans. At one point, it had been one of his favorite outfits, but by now, he’s come to hate it. The sweater is just slightly too big, so he ends up looking too small in it, while his pants don’t hug him in the ways that he had once believed them to. More than anything, he wishes that he could just change into something else, but he can’t. It doesn’t make any sense to him, but it’s something he’s come to accept. Besides, Casper had been naked. He really doesn’t really want to be naked. “I’m Soonyoung.”

Truthfully, he’s scared because none of this makes sense. He died three months ago, but he was still here. For three months, no one could see or hear him, but now there are three people who clearly know he’s there. One of them, Wonwoo, is trying to talk to him. Interaction had been something he was craving, but now he’s afraid of it.  _ What if these people are only here to take me far away? _

“It’s nice to meet you, Soonyoung. Do you want me to move rooms?” He’s still so polite, even when Soonyoung is dragging out this conversation unnecessarily. “How long have you been here?” 

_ Been here _ . It isn’t about how long he’s lived here, so Soonyoung knows that Wonwoo understands the reality of his situation. Or maybe he’s just evaluating his word usage because he’s so freaked out by this. “You’re fine,” his voice comes out as a whisper even though he wants to sound brave. “I’ve been here for three months. Yewon didn’t tell you?” Yewon tells everyone about Soonyoung. The story is always abridged, but she makes sure that everyone knows he died here. Right here in this bedroom. Why did Wonwoo pick it unless he didn’t know? There are three other bedrooms without a tragic story haunting them, so why would Wonwoo pick this one? 

He purses his lips, picking himself up off the ground. “She said that someone died here and that the police still had a lot of questions, but we were safe to move in. That’s all she’s required to tell us.” That might be the truth. Soonyoung isn’t really aware of the laws concerning moving into a crime scene, but at some point… his room had to stop being a crime scene. There’s only so much that they can investigate before they realize that they will be leaving empty-handed. It is such a cruel reality, but it is what Soonyoung has to come to accept. Without accepting it, he will just be condemning his apartment for the rest of eternity. This place that had had so many happy memories for Yewon shouldn’t be a dangerous, haunted place. 

“Do you want to help me put my clothes away?” Wonwoo asks, turning away from Soonyoung. 

This whole interaction is awkward, but Soonyoung is actually talking to someone. For no reason other than a surge of unadulterated happiness, he wants to hug Wonwoo. It has been three months since he’s held a conversation with someone other than himself and it feels good, even if he doesn’t know what to think about Wonwoo. Wonwoo treats him like he’s a person, not someone to pity. He’s being so gentle with him, even though Soonyoung thinks it is mostly because Wonwoo can read the mood. He understands, can sense, that Soonyoung is fearful and distrusting of him. 

Slowly, Soonyoung stands, stepping out of the closet. “Sure.” 

Conversation is replaced by movement as Wonwoo picks up some of the clothes from the floor and passes them to Soonyoung. The closet isn’t huge. It hadn’t been big enough to fit all of Soonyoung’s clothes, but Wonwoo’s easily will fit. Most of his stuff is darker clothes, but Soonyoung thinks that he’d look nice in a soft blue. It’s none of his business to comment on Wonwoo’s clothes though. All he’s supposed to be doing is helping Wonwoo put his stuff up. 

After all the clothes and extra hangers are put up, Wonwoo sits down on his bed. “Don’t feel awkward here. This is your house as much as it is ours. Joshua and Mingyu are nice too. They’ve been my roommates for a couple years now. I trust that they’ll make you feel included.” Now that he’s calmed down, Soonyoung can see the exhaustion wearing on Wonwoo’s pale face. He seems deprived of sleep or food or  _ something _ . There’s a part of Soonyoung that wants to help him, desperately wants to help him, but he has no idea how. He knows nothing about Wonwoo. 

“Thanks,” Soonyoung shrugs, rolling his sleeves up to unveil his hands. “I’m going to make some tea.” 

And once again, he’s gone. 

☄

Soonyoung makes a lot of drinks: tea, coffee, Coke, juice, sometimes even smoothies. No matter what the drinks are made of, he can’t drink them, but now that he lives with others, they  _ can _ . It is his way to cope with this situation. It reminds him of the year he transferred to California for a semester. He had been given roommates that were fluent in English and who were from around the world. He didn’t know what he could possibly have in common with any of them, other than the fact they were transfer students too. Living with them gave him constant anxiety. The only way he could deal with it had been by baking or cooking or making various snacks for them. No one could resist food.

Well, Joshua, Mingyu, and Wonwoo could. 

They haven’t been living together for more than a day, but Soonyoung can already tell that they are incompatible. If he had had any say in whether or not he wanted them to be the ones living with him, then it would have been a gigantic no from him. They read books, drank wine, and most of the time they weren’t even home. Wonwoo was always at work while Mingyu disappeared randomly. 

Joshua is the only one who stays, but he’s weird. There’s this darkness surrounding him that scares Soonyoung. It isn’t the same as the darkness Soonyoung had felt existing within Wonwoo. No, Joshua’s darkness is vivid and bright. It doesn’t mimic darkness at all. 

He hates to be alone with him, but the universe doesn’t care about that. Usually, when he’s left alone with Joshua, he just rent-a-ghosts to the opposite side of the house until Mingyu came back from whatever adventure he’s on. Today is different though, because Joshua and his darkness are crowding into the kitchen and filling all of the cracks. It’s almost like he doesn’t want to be alone, but Soonyoung doesn’t understand him enough to know why. Actually, he knows next to nothing about his roommates. All he really knows for sure is that they are a band of weirdos, and Mingyu seems a little bit like he’s in love with Joshua, which is fine with Soonyoung since he’s definitely dated both men and women while alive. He just wishes they would tell him things. Are Joshua and Mingyu together? He doesn’t know, but he hears them whisper to each other in the middle of the night. What are their jobs? Why is Joshua always here? Soonyoung doesn’t know anything about his roommates, but he wants to be close to them. If they are going to be living together, then they shouldn’t be strangers. 

“You are… a ghost?” Joshua asks after he grows bored of watching Soonyoung. He’s brewing another pot of tea that no one will drink, but he’s hopeful that maybe today will be the day one of them will break. Maybe it’ll be Joshua. 

Soonyoung nods, filling the kettle with water. “Yup, that’s me. I’m a little ghostie. No one can see me except for you three. Are you ghosts?” The question isn’t serious. There’s no way that they are ghosts unless they’ve hacked the universe. Yewon could see and hear and talk to them, but she hasn’t been able to say anything to him for months. What makes Wonwoo, Mingyu, and Joshua so special that they can see him? 

Pursing his lips, Joshua moves to sit atop the counter. There had been a time when Soonyoung’s cousins had come over and propped themselves up on the same counter, watching him while he baked them sweets. Sometimes they helped out, but mostly they just watched. More than anything, Soonyoung misses them. Being human again wouldn’t mean anything to him unless he could take care of them once more. “No, not ghosts,” is Joshua’s cryptic answer. “And… you can’t drink or eat anything you make?” He feels put on the spot by Joshua, even though he could just be asking in good humor. There weren’t a lot of people who just believed and understood the existence of ghosts. Three months ago, Soonyoung would have said that ghosts were real, but he didn’t imagine they lived like he did now. Hollywood ghosts were his top choice of ghost, and maybe Joshua hadn’t even considered them existing until he was forced to by Soonyoung. 

“Nope,” Soonyoung smiles at him, turning away to try to look busy. “I can’t eat or drink  _ anything _ . I can’t use the bathroom either. I don’t really have this life figured out yet, but I”m not clueless anymore. Wonwoo knows a bit. How does Wonwoo know so much about ghosts?” Now, he turns to give Joshua his attention. “You three aren’t… you aren’t  _ normal _ , but I don’t know how to explain it. I just want to know who I’m living with.” 

There’s a brief flicker of understanding in Joshua’s expression before he’s gone back to schooling his expression into stoicism. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. Trust me, it isn’t easy to understand.” Honesty colors Joshua’s tone, but Soonyoung is still confused. No insight is gained from their conversation; they simply dance around each other. Too bad for Joshua because that’s Soonyoung’s speciality. “I think it should be enough to know that we can see you and we aren’t unfriendly to you. If you really want to know anything, then ask Wonwoo.” 

“Is Wonwoo the leader of your group?” There’s bitterness in his words, but he doesn’t mean it. Being kept in the dark isn’t where Soonyoung belongs. “I can handle whatever the truth is. I’ll have to live with it, I don’t think I can even leave this place.” The truth might just become Soonyoung’s personal ghost, but he wants to know. Whether it is Joshua or Wonwoo telling him, it doesn’t matter. All he wants is to be treated like he belongs here. “I don’t want to be treated like I’m not here, because I  _ am  _ and all of you can see me. There are people who might not realize I’m here, but you can interact with me. Don’t leave me in the dark because you think I can’t handle it.” The teapot’s shrill shriek cuts across the situation and interrupts him; Soonyoung only feels the tension rise further. 

Joshua goes over to quiet the teapot. “It isn’t that easy, Soonyoung. We’ve been a trio for awhile and it isn’t going to be easy to let someone in after knowing them for only a couple of days. You have to earn trust.” To Soonyoung, this whole conversation is laughable. To think that he needs to establish trust with them, but they can just trample into his home and make it their own. He has no one else in the world that has been able to understand him since he’s died, and now that he does, they just treat him cooly. He could just be a ghost to them too. “Like I said, just ask Wonwoo if you have any questions. If he wants to answer you, then he can. I don’t want to talk about it.” 

It is understandable that at this point, Soonyoung hates Joshua Hong with all the energy he can muster. Anger isn’t the easiest thing to feel anymore, but Joshua is bringing out the worst in him. He feels his being pulling apart at the core and it makes no sense. If he falls apart, will he be able to put himself back together again? The sensation is uncomfortable, but he can’t stop himself from getting upset by this. He’s never been good at controlling his emotions, especially when anger is involved. “Whatever,” he says, reaching for the teapot, but his hand phases through it. His body is less corporeal than it had just been. It looks like mist, the way he scatters around the teapot. Since his death, he’s never run into this problem, so he blames Joshua. That’s the only way he can rationalize it. 

“What did you do to me?” He asks, looking through his own arm now. He’s being pulled apart until he’s just dust. Even his voice sounds disconnected to reality. With the way Joshua is looking at him, it seems like he is scared that he’s done something wrong. “What’s happening to me?” He scatters until he’s floating up near the ceiling, practically invisible to the naked eye. It is so bizarre because he can’t speak, but he can hear, and he can see. 

There’s a moment of stunned silence that is enough to make someone’s ears ring. Then Joshua is shaking his head, pouring himself a cup of tea. “That can’t be any good… I don’t know what to tell Wonwoo about that.” 

☄

“Hey,” Joshua’s in the living room when Mingyu comes home. The massive problem with Soonyoung has provided enough of a distraction for Joshua to forget his thirst. That hadn’t been his intention when he entered the kitchen, but he’s thankful for it, nonetheless. He hopes that Soonyoung isn’t stuck like that forever now, but he has no idea what he can do to help, especially considering he is the reason that Soonyoung ended up like that. “How was work?” 

Whenever Mingyu has a bad day, he becomes a hurricane. Doors slam and keys are thrown, before the isolation settles in. Not even Joshua can reach him after a bad day. It’s hard to believe considering how emotional he is, that Mingyu is able to be so composed in the courtroom. To him, it’s just the family business. His father had been a lawyer turned judge, and so had  _ his  _ father. Mingyu was bound to follow in their footsteps, eventually. 

Joshua hated that his family had such a hold on him. Family, to Joshua, is important, but seeing Mingyu full of stress and emotion makes him wonder if this is really what Mingyu had wanted to do with his life. He’s such a happy, vibrant person. This can’t be the type of future he imagined for himself. Or maybe it is, maybe Joshua just doesn’t understand that part of Mingyu. He thinks he’ll never understand it either. No stressful job would ever be able to tie him down. 

The door shuts gently with a quiet  _ click _ . His keys are placed in the dish by the umbrellas and coat hangers, then he shrugs off his own jacket to hang it up. “Good. I was mainly in the office today. I had a meeting, but they cancelled. How are you? You didn’t leave today, right?” After his jacket is hung up, he enters the living room to join Joshua. 

There’s an anxiety in the air that they talk about too much. Joshua hyperfixates on his thirst whenever Mingyu asks about his risk level. Before he asked, it had been a two, but now it is closer to a nine. The cold blood Wonwoo had to offer him didn’t do much to help. His throat constantly aches no matter how much of it he drinks. “No, I didn’t.” A bad mood isn’t what Joshua needs to have when things are so different and tense between them, but he can’t help it. All Mingyu ever wants to know is if he’s slipped up yet. He doesn’t want to slip up, but he feels weak and dazed. If only he could drink from a person once… then he would be able to get over this bump. He doesn’t have to kill anyone, just drink from them. They’d never see each other again after that. Joshua would have the taste, then he’d be able to forget all about it, just like Wonwoo. “I messed Soonyoung up instead of going out.” 

“What?” Of course it doesn’t make sense to him, but Joshua doesn’t know how to describe it well. 

“He turned into mist? Right in front of me?” He shrugs. “We were having a fight and he got upset. Then he couldn’t grab the teapot… and  _ then _ , he just wasn’t there anymore.” Ghosts aren’t his forte. For the past couple of years, he’s lived with a werewolf and a vampire. This is his first experience with a ghost, so it isn’t  _ entirely  _ his fault for messing it up. There’s no precedent for how to interact with them. How was he supposed to know that getting him angry would cause him to turn into vapor? Wonwoo would need to teach him more about ghosts. 

Mingyu doesn’t seem to know what to do with this information. “Where is he now?” He asks. It seems like he knows about as much about ghosts as Joshua does. “Are we supposed to do something? Did you tell Wonwoo?” 

Again, he shrugs. “In the kitchen? That’s where he was the last time I saw him.” There’s so many things more important than Soonyoung turning into vapor. No one can help him given the state he’s in, so clearly… it’d be better if they just waited for Wonwoo and his almighty knowledge of all things supernatural. “I didn’t tell Wonwoo. He’ll be home soon enough and he can deal with it when he gets here. It isn’t like he can just pop on by to check in on him. This isn’t exactly a very  _ human _ problem.” It isn’t right for him not to tell Wonwoo about Soonyoung, but he doesn’t want to get in trouble. 

Ever since he’s been recruited, he’s been treated like a stranger by the two people he’s closest to. Mingyu finds it hard to be romantically close to him and Wonwoo sees flaws with everything he does. It is only natural that Joshua feels like a stranger. 

“You’re right, we’ll wait him out then.” He says, then pauses. There’s a question on the tip of his tongue, but he isn’t asking it. Joshua waits, hopeful. “I’m going to take a shower.” Immediately, he’s crestfallen. It’ll take time to get back to normal between them, but he wants to take baby steps. He wants Mingyu to share his bedroom with him and to kiss him before work again. He can’t stand waiting for Mingyu to be okay with him as a vampire. Neither had wanted it and neither could change it. 

Still, when he stands, he doesn’t leave. Instead, he turns back to Joshua with a curious, challenging gaze. “Do you want to join me? Wonwoo won’t be back for a couple of hours still.” It is easy to forget that Soonyoung is always there and he can probably hear them from any room. Actually, it’s so easy that that’s what they do. Joshua lets Mingyu pull him off the couch and he follows him upstairs like they are teenagers again. 

This time, the door does slam, but it is with excitement. Joshua doesn’t understand his body now, but he still has urges and feelings. When he is this close to Mingyu, he only wants to be closer. His hands grasp the hem of his shirt and pull until they are shedding the layers of their clothes. Reaching behind him as Joshua presses his lips against his, Mingyu starts the water, taking no care to gauge the temperature. Instead, all that is important is their points of contact. Joshua slides his icy fingertips up Mingyu’s sides, revelling in the shivers the motion elicits. “I missed this,” Joshua confesses against his lips. It has always been a confessional. “Don’t treat me like a stranger. I’m yours. I’m yours forever.” He kisses him again and where he’s desperate, Mingyu is heated. His kisses ache and sting and hurt, but Joshua’s missed this too much to stop him. He’s fire and his touch isn’t delicate. 

“I love you. I love you.” He mutters, pulling Joshua closer by his hips. Desire is controlling him. Maybe it is even convincing him that there’s still a heartbeat thrumming away in Joshua’s chest. Clumsily, his fingers undo the button of Joshua’s pants. There are only so many layers between them now. Joshua slides out of his clothes easily, then escapes Mingyu’s hold to jump into the shower. The spray of water hits him and it is surprisingly warm. This is another sensation that he’s missed. Showers aren’t unnecessary, but he hasn’t taken one since he’s been recruited. 

Mingyu finishes undressing and joins Joshua in the shower. Both laugh in the heat of the moment, amazed that they’ve been treating each other so coldly when they are the same as they’ve always been. Joshua knows that it has a lot to do with how he  _ is  _ different, but it has more to do with Mingyu blaming himself for ever hurting him. In the end, Joshua is the only one to blame. If he hadn’t idiotically went after him, then he wouldn’t have been fatally injured and he wouldn’t have put Wonwoo in an impossible position. He wishes that Wonwoo and Mingyu would stop blaming themselves and see that it had been him all along. His decisions had gotten him here, even if he hadn’t asked for any of it. 

Cautiously, Joshua reaches out to run his fingers against Mingyu’s jawline. “Tell me you missed me.” It isn’t easy to find his voice, but once he does, he is able to command. With Mingyu, it has always been so easy to just take care. There’s something about him that just compiles, but at the same time, he’s quick to snap. Joshua likes both sides of Mingyu. He likes every single side of him he’s ever seen. “Tell me that you’re mine.” 

“I’m yours. I’ve always been yours. I’ll always be yours. I missed you. I missed you so bad.” His voice quivers as though he’s overcome with emotion, as though he’s trembling. And he is. It feels good to still be able to make Mingyu feel so vulnerable. When they had first gotten together, Joshua had thought he was invincible. Little did he know, he is the exact opposite. Mingyu is impossibly fragile. It doesn’t matter what kind of situation he’s in--he’s just so easy to break. Yet he’s undeniably brave. Joshua thinks that Mingyu might be the most complex person he’s ever met. Wonwoo is too easy to read, but Mingyu is untranslatable. 

His hand moves to cup the back of his neck as he presses himself against the shower wall. “Kiss me.” He pulls him closer, unable to deny himself of this pleasure. If he can’t have blood, then that’s fine. As long as he still has Mingyu, then he can cope. Nothing matters as much as this does. Mingyu moves closer, invades his personal space, and then he crashes into Joshua. It hurts, but in a heartachingly good way. 

The whole world becomes an afterthought. 

☄

“Soonyoung?” Wonwoo’s voice is gentle as it fills up the room. With the current predicament, Soonyoung can’t figure out how to move, so he’s trapped in the kitchen. In this state, he doesn’t have a clue where Joshua is or even if Mingyu has come home yet. All he is able to do is understand what is happening in the kitchen. “Joshua said you two got into a fight and then you disappeared. Then, he told me what the fight was about. I know you can’t talk back to me, but I’m going to answer all the questions you had for him and ones that you might have in general.” He pulls out a chair from the table and sits down in it. He’s facing the sink, which has to make him feel silly because he’s ideally talking towards no one. Soonyoung can hear him, but Wonwoo can’t see him in this state. 

“Joshua is very emotional and volatile right now. He’s… Ideally, he’s a newborn. That’s the same as you. You haven’t been accustomed to this life very long.” This isn’t a conversation that Wonwoo’s planned out. He seems unsure about how to go about saying what he’d like to say. Soonyoung doesn’t know if he should feel worried, but it is hard for him to feel anything other than scattered right now. “By  _ this life  _ I mean the life of the undead. There are more scientific descriptions of us, but I’d rather not cut corners by being superfluous in my explanation. Joshua and I are like you, which is why we can see you, but we aren’t ghosts. We’re vampires. It might seem preposterous, but there’s no reason for me to lie to you. I mean if ghosts are real, then that only opens doors for other supernatural creatures, don’t you think? For example, vampires, and then werewolves too. Mingyu can see you because he is a werewolf.” 

Wonwoo’s right, it does seem preposterous. How is Soonyoung supposed to believe him?

“You wanted answers so badly that you couldn’t wait for them, so I’m giving them to you before I think you are ready to hear this. Being a ghost for three months doesn’t mean much. There are other ghosts out there, and plenty of ghosts that have passed over. You haven’t even thought about why you are still here, have you? There might be some unfinished business for you here.” 

He stops himself as though he knows he’s about to go on a tangent. “The things of childhood nightmares exist, but it is hard to face them. I’ve been alive for pretty much a century now and I just recruited Joshua a couple days ago because he was going to die.” Another pause. Soonyoung wishes he could materialize. He wants to try to read Wonwoo’s microexpressions to see if he’s telling the truth. There’s something honest in the way he holds himself, but he’s full of darkness that Soonyoung can’t comprehend. “Also, I  _ know  _ you’ve noticed the blood in the fridge and how it goes missing. I might work at a hospital, but that doesn’t mean I have any right to be taking that blood home with me.” A fair point. 

Soonyoung had been hoping that it wasn’t actually blood. When he had first noticed it, he had just went back up into his bedroom. It didn’t make sense for Wonwoo to be bringing home blood unless he was a murderer or had a very specific, dangerous kink that involved blood. Plus, the blood always went missing while Wonwoo was at work, so it wasn’t him taking it to work. That meant that Joshua or Mingyu were using it for something. His second thought had been a little more rational: maybe one of them needed blood because of a health issue. Vampirism just isn’t the health issue that he had imagined when he was thinking it through. “Please don’t be upset with us. I know we should have told you as soon as we moved in, but I didn’t think you were ready for it. I don’t think anyone is ready to find out that there are monsters like us in the world, but if you want to know, then I am ready to answer your questions. Joshua might not have those answers, and Mingyu might only have a few more than him, but I can tell you whatever you want to know about vampires, werewolves, and even ghosts. I’ve been alive for so long and I’ve seen so much, so I can tell you.” 

It is reassuring, or, well, it’d be reassuring if Soonyoung believed him. Or if he could materialize again. 

“I’ll have Joshua apologize to you. You’ve become chaotic energy. In a couple of days, you’ll be back to normal. I haven’t ever seen this happen before, but I think I understand what is going on.” At this point, he’s back to standing. “I’ll come back to talk to you, Soonyoung. You’ll get back to yourself in no time.” He leaves, then, without looking back.

For some reason, Wonwoo does comfort him with his words, even if he doesn’t know how to feel about his ‘confession.’ Could Wonwoo and Joshua be vampires? It isn’t impossible, sure, but it is unlikely. Ghosts being real is completely,  _ completely  _ different than vampires or werewolves being real. It might open the door to the supernatural, but only a crack. It doesn’t just throw the door open to endless possibilities. No way. Soonyoung needs time to process this. Or proof. 

But what kind of proof? It isn’t like he wants Wonwoo or Joshua to just kill someone in front of him. He also doesn’t want to watch Mingyu transform. Any kind of proof that they could give him, he doesn’t want. While he did want to know about his roommates, he didn’t want to be dragged further into this impossible world. How could the universe account for these existences? Why do vampires and werewolves and ghosts exist? Is there a purpose? Does there have to be a purpose? If only he had a voice, then he could ask Wonwoo. He’s not likely to have the answers, but he could give him some insight on it. For some reason, Soonyoung thinks that Wonwoo can make him believe all this. It’ll just take time. 

☄

The natural tension that had moved in with Wonwoo, Mingyu, and Joshua isn’t helping Soonyoung. It is almost like he feeds off of it and  _ it  _ is the reason he’s still like this. Sometimes, he feels the weight of his core, but he can’t pull himself together. If he could, then he would be able to get away from the constant bitterness. Joshua’s not involved, or at least, he’s not a willing participant. There’s no animosity in Joshua’s bones. Instead, it’s Wonwoo and Mingyu constantly fighting. At any given moment, Mingyu is ready to go for Wonwoo’s throat. His anger isn’t the quiet kind that can be overlooked. The type of argument that they are having is explosive and dangerous. Soonyoung doesn’t know what’s caused such a rift in their friendship, but they are broken. He wishes that he could help fix it. 

Friendships were integral to Soonyoung’s life. After he died, life got very complicated for him, but while he was alive, he had plenty of friendships. Making friends wasn’t exactly easy for him, but it wasn’t hard. His personality made him approachable, but sometimes he could be too much. Not a lot of people were willing to commit to him because he had so many eccentricities and knew so many people. Close friendships just never worked out for him because he would strive to bring happiness to everyone he met. Sometimes, he never met those people again, but most the time, they became very friendly acquaintances. Those types of relationships were the most important ones, to Soonyoung. Those were the relationships that sustained him because he’s always able to find a friendly face in a crowd. Closer relationships were also important, but they took too much time and Soonyoung’s never been good at managing his life well enough to have access to healthy, long-lasting relationships. 

Even so, he knows that, to others, those types of relationships are their whole life. There may have been a time when Wonwoo and Mingyu depended on each other so heavily that they didn’t need anyone else. Soonyoung knows that there is a treasure trove of secrets between them. He knows that no matter what, they don’t really want to lose each other. Their current emotions aren’t reflections of who they truly are. If only they could see past the problem. 

“You can’t avoid him forever.” It’s Joshua. His hopes are high for them to just get over this, but he thinks they need to talk about it before their relationship is corrupted forever. Soonyoung doesn’t disagree with Joshua, but he’s finding it hard to like Joshua in his current state of being. “Maybe if you just explained the  _ whole  _ situation without letting him make assumptions about it, then this wouldn’t be such a big deal!” There’s no one more affected by their arguments than Joshua. The longer he eavesdrops, the more Soonyoung thinks that Joshua is at the root of it. He might not have the specifics, but anyone can tell that Joshua’s feeling guilty. Any friend would try to push his friends back together again, but there’s an urgency in him: a desperation. He’s  _ scared  _ of what the future holds for them.

Their relationship is much too fragile to exist. 

Wonwoo snorts, opening the fridge. “I’m not avoiding him. This isn’t some schoolyard drama. We’re all adults. If he wanted to talk about it, then he would sit down and talk to me about it. Instead, he’s sending me passive-aggressive texts and making me feel unwelcome in my own home. Trust me, I want to get over this, but he won’t let us.” 

From Soonyoung’s perspective, Mingyu’s the immature one. Although—that might not be fair of him to assume. He has a stilted view of everything currently. Wonwoo’s the only one who acts like he’s still here and it has only been a couple of days since he lost his corporeal self. But there’s more to it than that. It’s the way that Mingyu treats Wonwoo that worries Soonyoung. It is almost like Mingyu is just throwing a neverending tantrum, but no one knows what he needs to make him calm down. No matter what Joshua or Wonwoo give him, he just ends up blowing up again. His fuse is unbearably short. Soonyoung doesn’t know if he could stand to live with someone so constantly unhappy. Anger seems to be Mingyu’s first emotion, while the other ones come later: usually in Wonwoo’s absence.

“It isn’t that easy, Wonwoo. You know that there are a lot of layers to this.” Joshua isn’t going to drop this until all is forgiven by both sides. “He almost killed me, but you had no right to act without my consent!” 

At his words, Wonwoo whips around. The look on his face makes Soonyoung’s soul shudder in fear. “You wanted me to make him a murderer? Do you think he could have lived with himself? I would have lost both of you if I had let you die.” The conversation is quickly escalating into an argument without either realizing it. “How ridiculous…  _ you had no right _ … I had  _ every  _ right. You were going to die at Mingyu’s hand? I’m sure that to a  _ Twilight  _ fan that might be romantic, but that would have fucked him up. Excuse me for not thinking solely about you  _ being immortal _ . All I did was make myself a murderer, not Mingyu.” 

“Who is going to see it that way other than you?” Joshua’s voice raises in exasperation. “Maybe I was  _ supposed  _ to die there! It isn’t for you to go and change fate. I told you at the  _ beginning  _ of our friendship that I  _ never  _ wanted this life. Mingyu and you could have it, but I saw the ways you both suffered. I’d rather be dead than fantasize about ripping my esophagus out. You did this to me because you got scared that Mingyu would never forgive you for not stopping me. This is all about Mingyu, not me. You can’t  _ stand  _ the thought of him abandoning you like Junhui did.” 

The energy in the room is intense. Soonyoung’s whole being twists sickeningly as he feels himself scattering more. He’ll never be whole again if the household is just in constant discord with one another, and being pulled apart is as painful as it is awkward. Emotions weigh heavily on Soonyoung, as they always have. If there’s no happiness to be shared, then he’s distraught. Apparently that type of attitude has followed him into the afterlife. Maybe he should have been more of an asshole when he was still alive. Then he wouldn’t mind if his roommates are constantly fighting. Or at least, his entire being wouldn’t mind it. Maybe then, he could stay whole. 

Something in Wonwoo softens even though Soonyoung can tell he wants to explode. “It isn’t like that. It isn’t fair of you to bring him up in a conversation that has nothing to do with him. I was scared of losing  _ both  _ of you. This never has been just about Mingyu. I got you two as a pair and I just don’t want to lose you anytime soon. I go through years of loss and I wasn’t ready to give the two best people I’ve ever met up. I love you two.” At his confession, Joshua looks away. This isn’t something that Wonwoo just says. Wonwoo isn’t anything like Soonyoung, so Joshua is taken aback by his current sensitivity. “I couldn’t lose you, and I couldn’t lose him. I’m sorry I brought you into this life, Joshua. If I could have saved you without turning you into a monster, I would have.” They look away from one another because Wonwoo’s honesty is too much for them. Soonyoung feels a burden lift, but he can’t even begin to comprehend it. The parts of him that had begun to scatter, pull back together again. 

It still doesn’t make him whole, but he knows that their healing needs to happen before his can. 

☄

“I ordered pizza,” Mingyu comes home from work with a box in hand. Before he’s even closed the door, Joshua is off the couch. Admittedly, Soonyoung really wishes that he could eat again, but he especially misses pizza and spicy ramen. “Is Wonwoo here?” Mingyu follows Joshua into the kitchen, watching as he gets plates out of the cabinet closest to the sink. The longer he’s like this, the more bizarre Soonyoung thinks this life is. Before, he could interact with objects and talk back to people, but now he’s just a mess of energy that is in turmoil because of a rift in the household. This problem isn’t even  _ his  _ problem yet he’s suffering major consequences from it. 

The fourth member of said household enters the kitchen and it suddenly becomes crowded. “Yes, Wonwoo’s here,” he says, reaching around Mingyu to open the fridge to get two bags of blood out. “How was work?” 

In response, Mingyu shrugs, a shoulder as cold as always. “It was work. You don’t go in tonight?” 

“I don’t work the rest of the week. They’re working on getting all my paperwork sorted. Junhui had to make a trip up here to pull some strings. This hospital didn’t exactly  _ need  _ me.” It is obvious that Mingyu doesn’t care after his first sentence, but Soonyoung does. Soonyoung wants to hear about Wonwoo’s job because no one else does. Anyone can see that all Wonwoo wants is for someone to be his friend. There’s this loneliness in him that is suffocating, but he just lives with it because there’s nothing else he can do. Joshua makes a noise that makes it sound like he’s interested. There are so many questions they could ask: some just out of politeness. 

But Mingyu snorts and disrupts the false serenity of the moment. “Junhui and you teaming up to ruin someone’s life because it’s more important to have you in there to protect your kind?” There’s so much hatred in his tone. The drama between them isn’t something that Soonyoung understands, but he wants to. The only difficulty is that it means he has to believe everything Wonwoo had told him after his fight with Joshua. Even after watching both Wonwoo and Joshua consuming the bags of blood, Soonyoung still has a hard time believing it. But it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t believe, because they still exist. He’s just the fool that doesn’t want to come to terms with it. 

“No, I’m going to work with her. There’s an opening in Daegu, where I just transferred from, but if she doesn’t want to take it, then I have to go back. Junhui is trying to convince her because he’s not a bloodthirsty monster. We don’t just deal with our problems by killing everyone who stands in our way.” That name is brought up again. Soonyoung doesn’t know who he is, but no one really likes him. Not even Wonwoo, who is standing up for him right now. Whenever anyone gets into a fight with Wonwoo, they use the name Junhui like it is ammunition. 

“Could’ve fooled me,” says Mingyu. Their appetites are diminishing, specifically Mingyu’s because, if Wonwoo is telling the truth, then the other two always have cravings. Instead of hunting people though, they curb those cravings by drinking chilled blood from donors at the hospital. Soonyoung thinks that that could hurt people too. If they are taking blood out of the hospital, then they are removing a resource for people who may need it one day. Still, Soonyoung knows it is better than the alternative. Other vampires, if they exist, might be killing people freely to get their fix while Wonwoo and Joshua are thinking creatively to protect the population. Maybe there’s a better way, but they aren’t going to find it alone. Soonyoung hopes there are other vampires like them: ones that don’t want to kill people so they find other ways to feed. If all of those good vampires got together, then they could figure out the best method for both humanity and them. Right? In his head, he doesn’t have a ready number of ‘sober’ vampires, but if there are thousands of vampires, then at least a small percentage of them have to abstain from drinking blood. He knows that there has to be others out there like Wonwoo and Joshua: not drinking or finding alternative ways. 

There are three slices of pepperoni on Joshua’s plate. He slips away from Wonwoo and Mingyu to seat himself on the small dining room table that only seats four people. It is Wonwoo’s table, Soonyoung thinks. Remembering the day they moved in, it had been apart of their belongings, but only Wonwoo had handled it. He had commented about how old it is, but Soonyoung hadn’t paid attention to the details. At the time, he was too overwhelmed at all the motion. Once Joshua is seated, he feels comfortable to interject himself into the argument. “Oh, shut up, Mingyu. You don’t have to start an argument with Wonwoo about everything. He’s finally able to eat dinner with us. Grab a seat. I miss us spending time together.” At Joshua’s honesty, the room goes quiet. Mingyu looks awkwardly away from both of them, busying himself with loading pizza on his plate instead. There are only four pieces left for Wonwoo by the time he’s done. Despite what he wants to do, Mingyu takes the seat across from Joshua. After getting his own food, Wonwoo joins them. “Why can’t we just move past this..?” 

A tug forces Soonyoung’s attention away from their conversation. He can’t tell if he’s trying to come together or break further apart. Whatever the tug is for, it is painful. It almost feels like he’s dying, but in a way that only ghosts can die. If he did disappear, would they even know? Would Wonwoo be able to feel his absence just like he can feel his presence? They’ve only had a couple of days together before he was blown apart. Before dying, he’d like to spend a couple more days with them, also find out what’s tethering him here still even though he’s physically died.

“I’m sorry,” Wonwoo bows his head and the pain doesn’t hurt enough for him to ignore this moment. “I know what I did was wrong. I know that it hurt all of us in the end, but I didn’t want you to be a murderer. More importantly, I didn’t want you to be the reason that Joshua died. I figured that we’d be able to cope with this better than the other possibilities. This life… It isn’t an easy one. It isn’t  _ normal _ . The decisions that we make are going to hurt people. For almost a century, I’ve made decisions that I wish I never had to make. I was brought into this life against my will, but I don’t entirely regret it because I’ve met people like you two. I  _ know  _ that’s cheesy and not what you want to hear, but I have to tell you that I’m imperfect. I’m going to make decisions that will ruin your lives. Please don’t hate me for thinking that keeping you both alive was the best option in that moment. He had been minutes away from death. If you were in my shoes, would you have been able to let him go? You love him to the ends of the universe, so would you be able to say goodbye to him before you’ve even had a chance at life with him? There are human couples who are together for fifty or more years. If he had died there, you would have been with him for four years. I know that changing him wasn’t my choice to make, but there wasn’t another one. Please,  _ please  _ understand.” 

Silence. 

No one moves a muscle. 

Screaming would offer no solace to the unbearable pain that Soonyoung is experiencing currently. All it would do is disrupt this moment of calm and understanding and possible forgiveness. That’s all it does, but it is less of a scream. All Soonyoung knows is that his whole being pulls together after being apart for so long and he feels like he’s burning. This must be what it feels like to be lit on fire, but then immediately be put out. He’s still smoldering, but he’s not damaged, not really. It just feels like he’s a phoenix, born again, but to the world of the undead. How ironic. 

Because he doesn’t know what else to do, he takes the last seat at the kitchen table. “I understand.” His voice is small. This conversation isn’t his right to have, but it affects him too. “Being put in a position like that… must have been impossible. It was unfair. I’m glad you made a choice you were confident in.” It is hard for him to find the right words because he’s walking a very fine line. Befriending Wonwoo like this might damage his relationship with Mingyu and Joshua before it is developed. The air is tense, but not in an unbearable way. Still, Soonyoung can’t meet anyone’s eye. “I couldn’t imagine having been in your shoes in that moment. I don’t know what I’d do.” 

Wonwoo’s hand hovers just inches away from Soonyoung. There’s something exciting about how close he is, but Soonyoung tries to ignore that feeling. It isn’t right for him to have that feeling, but Wonwoo’s proximity has him sitting at the edge of his seat. If he closed the distance between them… Would Soonyoung be able to feel his touch? He thinks that he remembers bumping into Joshua one morning, but he hadn’t felt human in the motion. Instead, he just felt like he was in the way which isn’t surprising. Mingyu and Joshua have a way of making him feel like that. 

The silence stretches on. No one knows what to say, but Soonyoung wishes that someone would say  _ something _ . He knows that he shouldn’t say anymore, but he feels like too much of a stranger to get up and start moving around the kitchen. There had been a day when all of this had been his, but now it all belongs to strangers who treat him like a ghost. It doesn’t sound so bad. He  _ is  _ a ghost, but these are the only people who can see him and interact with him. These are the only people who don’t have to treat him like a ghost, yet they ignore his presence all the same. 

Except Wonwoo. 

“Thank you for listening.” His hand never touches his skin. Wonwoo pulls back and away, leaving the table without having touched his pizza. It leaves everyone in anxiety and awe. No one knows what to do next, but Soonyoung can feel the regret weigh heavy. If Mingyu or Joshua had said something, then they might have been able to repair this broken relationship. Their silence speaks volumes to Soonyoung, but what is it supposed to say to the only one who matters? Wonwoo needs their acceptance and forgiveness, but they refuse to give it to him so easily. Can’t they see how it is tearing him apart? Any rift this big could be dangerous. How don’t they see that? 

It is in his nature to never stop running his mouth, so he can’t stop himself in time. “If you want to lose Wonwoo, this is the way to do that. He’ll go back to Junhui.” Maybe he can reload that name and use it as his own ammunition. He hopes it scares them as much as it scares Wonwoo. “Is that what you want? Because to me, it really seems like it.” Then, he’s standing like he never lost control of his body, like he doesn’t feel that odd swirling, separating feeling in his chest right now. 

And then he’s gone to the only place that feels safe anymore. 

☄

“Can ghosts sleep?” Soonyoung asks as soon as Wonwoo opens his closet to get a change of clothes. This is something that he’s been thinking about all night. He doesn’t think that he ever drifted off to sleep, but he’s scared to try. What if the dreams are killer? What if he never wakes up from them? Ghosts have different rules than humans and he doesn’t quite understand them yet. He doubts that Wonwoo will have his answers, but he can try. It can’t hurt. 

Well, except maybe his eardrums. 

Because Wonwoo screams like he’s about to get murdered. It probably wakes up the neighbors, which makes Soonyoung feel bad because their neighbors are brilliant people that he would never dream of upsetting. “It’s just me!” Soonyoung waves his hands, jumping to his feet to try to get Wonwoo to calm down before Joshua and Mingyu are alarmed. “Just me! Kwon Soonyoung, your friendly closet ghost.” That’s enough to quiet him, but now he’s breathing heavily. The scene is horribly funny, especially with how put together Wonwoo always appears to him, but he also feels just a teensy bit bad for scaring him. 

_ Ghosts are scary though! _ he thinks to himself. He’s just fulfilling his job description. 

“Were you in there all night?” Wonwoo asks as soon as he catches his breath. His chest is still heaving, but he looks more composed already. There’s an airiness in his voice that Soonyoung finds endearing though. 

He nods in response. “Yeah, I was thinking about if ghosts can go to sleep and wake up like vampires and werewolves and humans can. Do you think that’s possible? Have you ever heard of a ghost sleeping?” 

Laughter fills the room after his question. “I haven’t ever heard of it, Soonyoung. Have you tried?” He doesn’t seem to be speaking down to him and that makes Soonyoung feel comfortable. Choosing to befriend Wonwoo is beneficial to himself because he knows nothing about his own existence, but that is the furthest reason from why Soonyoung’s picked him. It is this feeling that makes Soonyoung feel like he can trust Wonwoo with everything. There’s also that excitement that he felt between them when they were in the dining room. He needs to be close to Wonwoo, but he doesn’t really understand why. His body just pulls towards him. It must be because he’s vastly interesting, but Soonyoung knows himself better than that. Interest isn’t the only thing behind this. 

He just doesn’t want there to be more. “No, I’m scared to try.” The admittance doesn’t come as a surprise to Wonwoo. If anything, it probably makes sense. He reaches past Soonyoung to take his clothes out. “I don’t really know what my rules are.” 

“Do any of us?” He chokes back a laugh because it really isn’t funny, just bitter. “You’ll figure it out, and I can help you… as long as I can. For everything else, make a list so you can ask another ghost if you cross paths with them.” 

There’s a knock at the front door, interrupting their conversation. Soonyoung hopes that it isn’t their neighbors, but he doesn’t know who else would be knocking at their door at six in the morning. Wonwoo looks just as surprised as he does, but he finishes pulling on his clothes before heading downstairs to get the door. Instead of walking, Soonyoung just rent-a-ghosts to the living room so he can snoop. There’s importance in information, so if there’s information to be had, then he will have it. Wonwoo reaches the door as he’s finishing his last two buttons. As soon as he’s dressed, he opens the door to greet their visitor. 

His smile falters as he opens the door. 

“Invite me in,” demands Junhui. He doesn’t move an inch, but he’s still so threatening. “I have to talk to you about your job, plus I want to see your new place.” Before making any decision, he looks towards Soonyoung. There’s a plea in his expression, but neither know what he’s asking. Then, he gestures for him to go away. It is impossible for him to leave Wonwoo alone when he could be in danger, so instead of disappearing, he joins him at the doorway. 

“Who’re you?” Soonyoung asks, tilting his head to the side. For some reason, he knows that Junhui isn’t human. It is in the way that he carries himself and the darkness he exudes that makes Soonyoung so sure. His aura is strong and putrid. “It is literally six. In the morning. The world is just waking up.” 

Scoffing, Junhui rolls his eyes. “Who’re you? Why hasn’t Wonwoo told me about you? I didn’t know he had a little ghostie living with him.” His gaze drifts to Wonwoo expectantly, but he has nothing to say. It is uncomfortable standing here, but for some reason, Soonyoung follows Wonwoo’s lead in not inviting him in. When he notices that no one is going to be moving anytime soon, he decides to open up. “I’m Junhui. I’m here to congratulate Wonwoo on getting the job at the hospital. Maybe I should have came by a little later. I apologize. As I can see I’m not welcome here, so I’ll be on my way.” 

_ Junhui _ . 

There’s a very strong urge for Soonyoung to just draw his fist back and then let it go, but he’s never been the kind to resort to violence. Certain things are learned from parents and trusted adults. Soonyoung made sure that his cousins never learned violence. All those boys deserve is happiness, but the world can be dark. That’s why Soonyoung had vowed to never introduce them to violence, but he would educate them on it. Except, now he doesn’t have a say in what they learn and how they go about their problems. He has to rely on their parents to raise them well now. Whoever their new babysitter is, Soonyoung hopes that they love them as much as he does. They should never introduce them to violence or teach them what it means to be vengefully angry. If he ever heard about them getting into a fight, then he’d be sure to be haunting someone for the rest of their life. 

He turns away to leave and Soonyoung can’t help but to watch him as he goes. There’s something about him that scares Soonyoung. It feels like his existence is a warning, but for what? Behind him, Wonwoo reaches for the door and starts to close it, giving Soonyoung plenty of time to move out of the way, but his gaze is following Junhui like he’s starving for him. What kind of power does this man have? Why is Soonyoung so scared of him? How does he control Wonwoo so easily? Some of his questions might not be so easily answered, but he’s curious. Junhui makes him want to know more about everything. 

This is the man of nightmares.    
  



	2. ep. 3 + 4

three **.**

Countertops become cluttered after Soonyoung materializes again. It feels like the decade when Wonwoo had a professional chef that prepared each of his meals.

During that time, Junhui lived with him and life couldn’t have been better for Junhui. Wealth suited Junhui; even though he had a lot of possessions, Wonwoo had never considered him a selfish man. To Wonwoo, he’d always been the strongest force in the world, which made sense because Wonwoo’s been imprisoned by him almost his whole life. Anyone who had spent that much time as a prisoner almost always ended up forgetting the gentleness of love, mistaking it for pity. Love, in Junhui’s world, was a typhoon that picked lovers up and spun them around until they lost consciousness. When they awoke, time would have already worked to erase all recognition between them. For Junhui, that seemed okay.

No amount of money could have stopped Wonwoo from regaining consciousness. Eventually, he was going to see through Junhui’s elaborate disguise. In the end, it took Wonwoo two hundred years to wake up.

Now that he’s awake, life isn’t too different. No matter how far he travels, Junhui always catches up with him; the only difference now is that he isn’t living in his shadow. Mingyu and Joshua are friends that Wonwoo made on his own. Junhui couldn’t weigh in with his opinions on them because he didn’t have a say in Wonwoo’s life anymore. Slowly, Wonwoo is taking the power back in his life, but he’ll never truly escape from Junhui’s constant presence. Still, having friends that aren’t his helps more than Wonwoo imagined it would.

When he first met Mingyu, the thought of becoming friends with him hadn’t been entertained. It was Mingyu’s sweet, excitable nature that brought them closer together. Mingyu saw his damaged parts and wanted to help repair them. There’d always been a bit of a handyman in him. With Mingyu came Joshua, but Wonwoo didn’t mind that. Humans were dangerous to befriend, but they were the majority, so it was impossible to stay away from absolutely all of them.

When they met, Wonwoo had been sober for a century. Going without blood had strengthened his mentality, so he didn’t feel like a danger to Joshua, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t one. From the beginning of their relationship, Mingyu had been wary of Wonwoo and his intentions. It had taken three years to develop any sort of trust between them, and it only took Wonwoo minutes to destroy it. How would things be different if he had let Joshua die? Would he have been forgiven for that? He doesn’t believe so.

In all the years he’s lived, watching loved ones passing had become difficult. Watching his family die? That was the hardest of all. His parents and sister had to cope with the loss of their son and brother because Junhui made sure  that Wonwoo’s changing had been set up to look like a murder. No part of Junhui wanted Wonwoo to be found by his parents because he’d reasoned then that Wonwoo wouldn’t solely belong to him. Plus, there was no telling if he could have kept them safe. He remembered the thirst of a newborn. He would have happily slaughtered his family if they had gotten too close. That’s what he’d been led to believe, anyway.

Every day that Joshua spends clean from fresh blood convinces Wonwoo that Junhui’s manipulation was the main reason why he couldn’t learn to control himself. Junhui never wanted him to have control, so Wonwoo felt helpless. He should have wisened up years ago--he would have been more sure of himself, more educated about being a vampire, free from the society they’d built for themselves.

He never wanted to be one of them. That had been forced on him.

Now, he’s just trying to cope.

His knowledge is expansive, but not endless. When he was with Junhui, he’d learned about their history, their society, and their relationships. Everything was always only about vampires--any questions about ghosts and werewolves that came up were quickly dismissed. Wonwoo’s newborn mind was curious to discover more information about their world, but Junhui only wanted to brainwash him into succumbing to vampire supremacy. It was Jonghyun who furthered his teachings on this newfound plane of existence. He was also a vampire, considerably older than Junhui by a couple of centuries, but he wasn’t a smooth talker like the latter. If anything, he was shier than any vampire Wonwoo ever met.

Despite his broken morals, Wonwoo preferred Jonghyun to most of the other vampires in Seoul.He had a history inside him. He could have taught Wonwoo so much more if Wonwoo had stayed, but he needed to learn to exist without Junhui. Could he even get back into contact with Jonghyun without Junhui trying to drag him back? One day, he’d have to try.

Now, Wonwoo is Joshua’s Jonghyun. The only issue with that is that Wonwoo doesn’t know half the things that Jonghyun does. If he did, then he would have been able to help Soonyoung out more. His lack of answers doesn’t seem to stop Joshua from asking him questions though, particularly about ghosts. Specifically, Soonyoung.

“How did he get that way? Do all humans become ghosts when they die or is it only a couple? Is it random?”

By nature, Joshua isn’t annoying. Well, he can be, but he’s strikingly mature for his age. Wonwoo thinks that’s why he and Joshua work out so well. Joshua’s maturity compliments Mingyu’s immaturity, although they both had their moments. For Joshua, it is right now.

Wonwoo really wishes that he had to go to work, but sadly, it’s almost noon and he’s off for the day. Maybe today would be the day he reached out to Jonghyun. He’ll have to make some sort of plans because he can’t stay in the house with Joshua for long, especially when Soonyoung’s constantly avoiding Joshua for fear that he’ll turn to mist again if they fight. “Did you know any ghosts before Soonyoung?”

 _Minki_ flashes to the forefront of his mind, but he wishes he could forget him. “No,” he leaves it at that.

His other questions are easier to answer though. “Usually humans turn into ghosts when they die because they have some sort of unfinished business to complete before they can pass over. It might have to do with how they died or it could be totally unrelated. It’s hard to say for sure why Soonyoung is this way or what he needs to do to pass over, but he’s the only one who has any clues about it.” There is only so much he knows about ghosts from firsthand experience. Minki hadn’t been the only ghost he’d ever met, but he had been the only ghost Wonwoo had gotten to know.

He hopes Joshua is done, but he knows that he isn’t. When he had been a newborn, he had an endless curiosity. This world was so unknown that when people were drawn into it, they wanted to know everything about it. Unfortunately, there just was not enough recorded information to answer all the questions asked. The vampires that did record information only had other vampires to give the information to, plus they only gave that information to other vampires they deemed to be trustworthy. Maybe their books would seem simply like supernatural ramblings to humans, but they couldn’t risk being found prematurely. Jonghyun believed in a future where coexistence was possible, but he says that it wouldn’t happen anytime soon.

Humanity was the reason why they had to hide their history. There was no predicting how humans might react to discovering the reality of their world. Panic was definitely the most typical hypothesized response, before fear won over and war would start. Fear was always the leading cause of war--before trying to understand anything scary, humanity killed it.

“Can we help him? Is there a way to help him?” The next question is a little less technical. Joshua’s always been a bit of an emotional person. He cried while watching cartoon movies and when Wonwoo first moved in with them, there would always be little post-its placed everywhere with positive messages and little smiley faces. Before meeting Joshua, Wonwoo didn’t think that people like him really existed. He’s happy to see that even as a vampire, Joshua has retained his compassion.

Even though the question is a less technical one, Wonwoo still doesn’t have an answer. So, he shrugs. “Maybe? I don’t know how to help him, but if he asks for our help, then we can. He has to want help to get it with this. If we just act on our own, then it’ll be a waste of time. He really is the only person who knows what his unfinished business is, although it isn’t always exactly obvious. This isn’t just something he knows.” Well, maybe he does, but he doesn’t realize it yet. Soonyoung surely has some idea of what might be keeping him here and that might lead him to his unfinished business. When Minki asked for Jonghyun’s help in crossing over, he had a whole list of possible ideas, but Soonyoung’s nowhere near as prepared. The most they could do to help him is to get him to start thinking about what is in the realm of possibility for him. Wonwoo doesn’t mind if Soonyoung wants to pass over or not. Eventually, he will because most ghosts do. Sometimes it just takes longer. Sometimes, their unfinished business lasts years.

That’s enough to quiet Joshua. “Okay,” he says, sounding like a disappointed toddler. They both know this conversation has not ended, but has only been shelved for later. One day, Soonyoung would be ready… No one could make any predictions as to when he would be ready, but Joshua had forever to help him.

Just after the conversation, as though planned, Soonyoung appears atop their table. “Morning,” he says cheerfully. _Did he overhear us?_ Wonwoo can’t be too sure because he doesn’t know Soonyoung well enough to know when his happiness is a mask. All he can be sure of is that that’s how Soonyoung copes: naivety. For some reason, he likes to ignore problems. Maybe he had been different when he was alive, but now he’s just constantly running away. Wonwoo knows how it feels to live like that, so he has to wonder what Soonyoung is holding onto, what kind of weight is on his shoulders. Everything about Soonyoung is a mystery to him, especially his manner of death. Why are the police still investigating the circumstances of it? What _really_ happened to him?

“Good morning,” Wonwoo nods at him, picking up his coffee mug. “Thank you for the coffee.” Having Soonyoung around is convenient. He cooks, cleans, and there’s always coffee whenever anyone wants it. His presence is friendlier than it is subservient. Constantly being taken care of does remind him of a time when he was richer, but he’s happier now. Soonyoung fixes their meals because he misses familiarity, or at least, that’s what Wonwoo guesses. They haven’t talked much, even though he’s sure that he talks the most to Soonyoung. Most of their conversations are empty, but friendly. He doesn’t want to press Soonyoung when he doesn’t know where they stand. All relationships have to start from ground zero, especially within the supernatural world. Ghosts belong to their place of death. Soonyoung is rooted here until he passes over. First and foremost, this place belongs to Soonyoung and they’ve moved into his domain. He deserves their respect. A ghost is the world’s most fragile person, especially if their death had been cruel.

“No problem!” Soonyoung chirps, smile unwavering. “I made a grocery list and gave it to Mingyu this morning. He said that he would pick it up on his way from work. I figured that he’d be the most likely to be the shopper out of you three. No urges. Uh, y’know.” The topic is awkward for him. No matter how many conversations they had over the topic, Soonyoung just couldn’t wrap his head around the existence of werewolves and vampires, but at least he didn’t refer to them as fictional characters. The amount of Twilight puns he had come up with in the days following Wonwoo’s admission had been enough for Wonwoo to want to move out, but fortunately, Joshua _loved_ the Twilight series. The jokes turned into actual conversations about how Twilight got the supernatural life wrong. _That_ had been a way to give Soonyoung some insight into their world without scaring him off.

Honestly, Wonwoo’s surprised because he’d never met a ghost so skeptical before. Usually as soon as a person became a part of the supernatural world, they easily accepted any new information the world had to offer. That was how it had been with Joshua, at least.

Why was Soonyoung so different?

Joshua reacts awkwardly. “Yeah,” he mutters, picking up his own coffee mug to transport it. It had been complicated between them since their first argument, but Wonwoo can tell they’re becoming closer. It was just taking Joshua awhile to open up to him because he felt guilty. Even though the damage he’d caused wasn’t irreversible, Joshua still felt bad for hurting him. Wonwoo can’t imagine how inconsolable Joshua would have been if Soonyoung never reformed. “I’m off to work,” he says at the doorway, which only means that he’s going to be using the living room as his own personal studio.

It took awhile for Wonwoo to figure out Joshua’s occupation. At first, he thought that he was unemployed, but there were hours when Mingyu and him had been left alone. Nothing about it had been secret, but he just never publicly advertised himself. Sometimes, he just went away for hours and no one questioned it. Wonwoo hadn’t found out until Joshua mentioned it offhand, as though it was no big deal that he was an anonymous sculptor and painter. There are unclaimed paintings in the world that had come from Joshua’s hands. Somehow, he manages to get compensation for the ones that sell, but no one knew who he was--the artist completely detached from the art. Anyone who even tried to send money to his bank account had to go through three different transfers. Wonwoo doesn’t know much about art, but he knows that Joshua is good at what he does. Now, his artwork can last for centuries, if he’d like it to.

“He doesn’t like to spend time with me.” Finally, Soonyoung’s mouth pulls into a frown. “Are ghosts and vampires mortal enemies or something?”

As Wonwoo is taking a sip, he realizes that not only is Soonyoung frowning, he’s _pouting_. He sputters, watching Soonyoung with curiosity. He’s so much softer than the rest of them. There are people who belong to their world, but Soonyoung? Soonyoung should have passed over naturally. He should have been able to rest peacefully, but he was still here, still delicately human. It shocks Wonwoo down to his core to see a supernatural being behaving so genuinely. For the second time, Minki came to mind. Soonyoung wasn’t _anything_ like how he was. There had been a desperation that controlled Minki, made him dark and twisted. Whatever Minki had been, he no longer was the same as a ghost. His humanity had been the lost the moment he had died. Or at least, that’s what Jonghyun had insisted.

“No,” Wonwoo breathes the word out like a sigh. Then he snaps out of it, “No, no. Actually, we get along fairly well, depending on how the ghost feels about our lifestyle.” Which was true. Most ghosts couldn’t stand befriending anyone whose survival depended on murder. It was easy to understand: people rarely readily befriended serial killers, and vampires weren’t all that different from serial killers. Both were predators by nature. Best to be avoided.

Soonyoung hums thoughtfully. “Your lifestyle? Do you mean…?” Quickly, he pulls his gaze away from Wonwoo, choosing to look anywhere other than him. “ _Duh_ , of course that’s what you mean... “ His voice is quiet as he mutters to himself. It takes him another minute to compose himself before he can look back at Wonwoo. “But you said you don’t feed off humans. All the packages of blood… in the fridge…” Wonwoo can tell that this is hard for him to wrap his head around. Wonwoo knows this process because he’s had to go through it. Junhui had turned his world upside down with his reveal, especially when Wonwoo realized that Junhui had murdered people in cold blood, without a care in the world. Wonwoo remembers that feeling of disgust because it had been the last human thing he felt.

The smile on Wonwoo’s face has to be sad. He looks into his coffee mug just so he doesn’t have to see Soonyoung’s expression shift. “Yes. I haven’t had blood directly from a human in a long time, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve never had it.” Most ghosts can’t stand to hear about bloodshed. When Minki had befriended Jonghyun, he couldn’t stand to hear the way they spoke about hunting. “Joshua has been clean though. I hope he never drinks from a person. If he does, then it’ll ruin him. I didn’t bring him into this life to corrupt him.”

He can’t look up at Soonyoung, so when he starts talking, he just keeps his gaze fixed on his coffee. The steam is reaching up towards his face, mesmerizing him. Somehow, it makes for a good distraction.

“He has terrible nightmares though,” Soonyoung says. “He screams all the time in the middle of the night. Sometimes it’s so bad that Mingyu has to wake him up.” Wonwoo has a feeling that Soonyoung isn’t looking at him either right now, so he looks up.

“Even without drinking, he’ll remember the pain of his changing, but I’m hoping that that’ll go away in a couple of years.” Soonyoung isn’t looking away. Their gazes lock and there is so much still unspoken between them.

Slowly, Soonyoung nods. “You have nightmares too.”

“I wish I could forget, but it is better that I remember,” he admits. “I deserve to be punished, somehow, for my past.”

 _That_ makes Soonyoung sit up straighter. “What?” He blinks, shaking his head side-to-side. He looks like he’s genuinely surprised by Wonwoo’s words. “You think you _deserve_ to suffer like that…?” Another thing that Soonyoung can’t wrap his head around, but Wonwoo can’t understand this feeling as well as the last one. Soonyoung should be disgusted by him. He should want Wonwoo to suffer for all the pain that he’s inflicted on others. Years of torture could not be equated to the years Wonwoo’s spent taking lives greedily just to avoid the negative emotions that humans have to constantly shoulder. He had unfairly spilled innocent blood. He had killed people as a sport, almost. Soonyoung shouldn’t be able to look at him so evenly.

“Wonwoo… You…” Wonwoo knows that this world stresses Soonyoung out. The information that Wonwoo feeds him is impossible to swallow. If only Soonyoung had passed on… He should have been shielded from this world, not brought into it. “Don’t try to live by an eye-for-an-eye. It isn’t easy to just equalize loss and pain and sorrow. You don’t _deserve_ to hurt because you made mistakes. Maybe hurting is the right thing, but you shouldn’t want to hurt because of it. You don’t have to prove your regret to anyone.”

The words come out with difficulty. It’s obvious that he doesn’t exactly know how to talk about this. _You must be closer to an angel than a ghost,_ Wonwoo wants to say, but he knows it isn’t appropriate. Throughout his incredibly long lifetime, Wonwoo doesn’t think he’s ever met anyone so honest and gentle. Wonwoo knows that this is just the surface of who he is and that there is more that he has yet to see, and for some reason, he wants to know the other sides of Soonyoung. Does he change like the weather? Is he secretly a hurricane? Who actually is Kwon Soonyoung?

“Thank you,” he says instead, but it comes out awkward. What else should he say?

Before he can say any more, Soonyoung disappears. Suddenly,  Wonwoo is surrounded by silence, and the space surrounding him in the kitchen feels huge and overwhelming. If he tilts his head to listen carefully, then he can hear the faraway sound of Soonyoung manipulating the air so that he can open Wonwoo’s closet door upstairs, the place he feels the safest. When he goes in there, it’s because he needs time to himself. Wonwoo understands. Processing the supernatural takes time.

Wonwoo had never been granted that privilege. Junhui always just took from him.

☄

“Junhui’s not here,” Jieqiong says, popping her gum. Her body is leaning against the reception desk, but she’s not dressed up in the traditional nurse uniform. “So, go away,” she continues, her gaze not even flitting back to him after she’d first noticed his presence. That’s the way they treat him now. Turning his back on Junhui had caused everyone to turn their backs on _him_. He knows better than to rely on any of them anymore. “Loser,” she mutters under her breath, tacked on for good measure.

Nayoung had just rounded the corner as she says it. “Jieqiong!” Her tone is disapproving, but when she sees Wonwoo, her whole expression turns stoney, unreadable. “Junhui’s out of town.”

Wonwoo hates that they all relate him to Junhui. He can’t visit the hospital on his days off without it being about Junhui. How long would it be before everyone stopped associating them with each other like some kind of packaged deal?

“I can give you his emergency number if you really need him though,” Nayoung says with a sigh, placing her clipboard down onto the desk before fishing out a slip of paper. “He figured you might need him, especially since you decided to go rogue with that newborn of yours.”

“Yeah, what’s the deal with that, Jeon Wonwoo? I thought you knew the rules. No recruiting if you aren’t a designated recruiter! Nayoung, you, and Jay would’ve made a good team. Nah, a _great_ team. She’s got keen senses when it comes to picking newbies.” Jieqiong’s not usually like this, so she must have just fed. The rush of the blood is still in her, it’s evident in the red of her cheeks. She’s riding its short-lived high. It’s been awhile, but Wonwoo remembers Jieqiong’s consistency. She’s in charge of keeping things in working order after Junhui.

Still, they aren’t the reason why he’s here. More importantly, he’s not going to give Nayoung the opportunity to crawl underneath his skin and get him to come back to them. That was her specialty, her strength: maintaining loyalty, finding capable recruits, and keeping them together.

“I don’t need Junhui’s number and I didn’t come to see him,” Wonwoo says, annoyed. “Can I have access to the archives?” Admitting that he wanted to see Jonghyun wasn’t the safe thing to do because it would only make Nayoung suspicious, and see a chink in his armor. If she tried to manipulate Jonghyun into asking Wonwoo to come back… He knows he could resist, but he’d have to hurt Jonghyun more than he already has. That’s something he doesn’t want to do. “I have to look at something.”

Jieqiong scoffs. “Whatever, _sure_.”

“Of course,” Nayoung says, looking surprised at his sharp tone. “The door is unlocked, so you don’t need the key. I think Jonghyun is finishing up some filing. Just ask him if you need any help.” Business is her weakness. As dangerous as it was for vampires to run a hospital, Nayoung took it deadly serious. She’d saved millions of lives throughout her years; Wonwoo doesn’t know how she resists temptation when it is constantly presented to her. Wonwoo can derail any conversation with her if he just mentions needing something for work. She and Junhui  were serving as the most experienced surgeons in the hospital, but Wonwoo wouldn’t even dream of ever being able to put himself in their shoes. It was far too risky.

“Thanks,” it is only said out of habit, or Wonwoo tries to convince himself that it is.

Again, Nayoung seems surprised. She blinks before responding. “You’re welcome…” Then she’s turning back to the desk to talk to Jieqiong who stands up straighter now that Nayoung’s around. It’s good that Nayoung keeps her on her toes, Wonwoo thinks, because without her, Jieqiong would be too much of a loose cannon.

☄

“Wonwoo!” Jonghyun’s whole face lights up when Wonwoo walks into the room. “Hello!” All the files in his hands lay forgotten on the trolley beside him as he goes to pull Wonwoo into a hug. Neither of them are touchy people, but it had been years since they’d been able to spend time together. Their silence is mostly Wonwoo’s fault, but he knows better than to just blame himself. All of them had been given orders to ignore him when he walked away from them. Even though Junhui wasn’t their leader, he still had massive power. Just by owning the hospital they treated as their base, he’d secured a sufficient amount of pull when it came to the organization of things. Officially, Jonghyun’s the one in charge, except he knows that everyone else is just trying to control him, which is why he’s purposely doing such a shit job of it. If no one wanted a real leader, then he’d give them a lazy one.

His lack of interest left most of the power with Junhui and Nayoung. Nayoung deserved it, because she was a natural leader, but Junhui is far more charismatic. Wonwoo had never trusted in Junhui’s leadership, but he did have the power to charm people. It made sense why everyone obeyed him.

“What brings you here?” Jonghyun doesn’t look a day past twenty-five. Wonwoo still isn’t used to seeing how unchanged vampires he’s known for decades are. Some of their real ages are a mystery, but Jonghyun had been turned when he was twenty-six. Nayoung was twenty forever, while Jieqiong had just turned eighteen when she had been recruited. Wonwoo himself is stuck at twenty-two and Joshua is trapped at twenty-four. There were plenty of others whose ages when they were turned that Wonwoo knew, but figuring out their real ages was a more difficult task. Jonghyun was said to be at least five-hundred years old, but Wonwoo knows he’s definitely older than that. Something about him says that he’s lived through too much of history. When he was recruited, he had been a foot soldier in some war. Now, he’s just tired and old. Most of the other vampires are closer in age, unless they were newborns. Jonghyun is the oldest they know of, but there were plenty of others he considered also ancient. The older they got, the hungrier they were for power. Most of the oldest vampires lived in different places around the world, trying to exert their power over the younger generations. Wonwoo would like to see Jonghyun’s real leadership; under him, he thinks that life wouldn’t be so bad. World domination wasn’t in Jonghyun’s mindset, but peaceful cohabitation was.

If anyone else had known about his plans, they would have made him out to be a joke.

Out of all the reasons that Wonwoo had come up with to justify seeing Jonghyun, the most truthful one was that he just wanted to visit him. It’s just been too long. Wonwoo misses all the stories that Jonghyun would tell him, misses just being around him listening. There was so much wisdom in Jonghyun’s head. No one knew what to do with it, not even Jonghyun himself was sure how to utilize it.

“I was just around. I’m off today, so I thought I would swing by. Nayoung didn’t seem too happy that I came by though. Is something going on?” It’s dangerous to dig for information, but it’s only when he says it out loud does he realize that Nayoung had been acting like she was hiding something from him.

In response, almost as though he knew Wonwoo would bring Nayoung up, Jonghyun sighs. “She’s been like that recently. Jeonghan is planning something involving… Well, I’m not even sure what yet. Seungcheol refuses to tell me, says I won’t like it.” His laugh is dry. “I’m waiting for one of them to blab to Minhyun or Nayoung because they’ll tell me… All we know is that something is at the planning stage.”

That made sense. When Wonwoo had been a part of them, he had often heard Seungcheol or Junhui thinking of new plans every so often. Their plans worked like games of chess. Each move had to be logical, and even opponents’ moves had to be scrutinized. But too many plans fail.

However… “Who is Jeonghan?” It has to be a new recruit, but it’s odd. How could they trust him so much already?

“He’s Junhui’s,” he says, before stopping and awkwardly looking away. Something drops in Wonwoo’s heart, something that feels like dead weight, at Jonghyun’s words, but he tells himself that he doesn’t care, tries to convince himself that it only bothers him because it’s been centuries since Junhui had turned someone. “He and Seungcheol hunted him out for recruitment. It’s been awhile since they’ve been able to agree on someone. I can’t remember what Jeonghan did, but he is brilliant. He’s a handful for a newborn, though. We have to constantly have someone watching over him, just like Jieqiong all over again.”

Jieqiong had been one of the worst newborns Wonwoo had ever seen. Trying to train her had been incredibly difficult and tiring, but that’s how the cards fell. A newborn was either well-behaved or impossible to handle. Jieqiong wanted power because she felt betrayed when she was recruited. It was similar to how Wonwoo felt, but her anger had bested her in the end. It took Nayoung’s gentleness for her to calm down enough to listen to any commands. Jonghyun, Junhui, and Seungcheol had no power over her, but Nayoung could quiet her with only her voice. It wouldn’t surprise him if she made her dependent on her. When Wonwoo had first changed, but wouldn’t kill, Junhui had forced him to feed off him. It was different from drinking human blood--feeding off other vampires didn’t fill any void, but it was certainly a short-term solution.

If he closes his eyes, he can still remember the taste of Junhui’s blood: acidic, thin, cold. He remembers how it felt to have Junhui’s hands on him. Just thinking about it turns his breathing shallow. Drinking another vampire’s blood is an act of lust. The act itself is mesmerizing and addictive. To some, it is more intimate than having sex, but Wonwoo knows that Junhui used to use it as a means to control. Once a vampire has a taste for blood, they will want to consume more and more of it. The ache in their throat becomes unbearable, and all they think about is the thirst, reliving every single detail of their transformation, and the pain. The pain becomes psychological and doesn’t just go away. Wonwoo has learned to cope, but still, when he thinks about it, the thirst becomes so hard to control. Just two rooms over, he can hear the heartbeat of a patient. In a flash, he could be over there and no one would be able to stop him.

“Wonwoo,” Jonghyun brings him back. “Are you alright?”

Swallowing is hard, but he forces himself to. His throat burns uncomfortably. “I’m fine. Just got lost in my thoughts for a minute.” When he tries to laugh, it just comes out as a strangled noise. All these years, he’s been able to live beside Joshua without any problems, but a couple of minutes thinking about Junhui rolls back the years, nearly drives him wild. His whole body feels like it’s shaking. He’s just so thirsty, impossibly thirsty. The only right thing would be to go home, but he’s been training his mind for nearly a century. If he waits it out, then it will mostly subside. It will never go away for good, but it can ebb. He just has to be patient and trust himself. He focuses on breathing, watching Jonghyun’s concerned expression.

“How long has it been?” He asks, looking down at the floor.

The topic is a dangerous one within the whole community. If Wonwoo talks about it with the wrong person, then he’ll be mocked and ridiculed. It doesn’t bother him to be treated like that when he knows he is doing the right thing, but he knows it is just better to avoid talking about his lifestyle with most vampires. If they didn’t think he was so strong, then he would be cast out by them for not drinking from humans. Jonghyun has always been one of the only people he could talk about it with, but still, he knows that Jonghyun feeds. There’s no one he knows of that is truly on his side. Most vampires can’t handle the psychological torture that accompanies going without blood, especially if they are older. If Jonghyun went without blood, then he would have horrible flashbacks. All of the people he’s ever murdered would haunt him until he drank again. Wonwoo knows this because it is what he experiences every night. His nightmares are as bad as Soonyoung says they are. The trouble is is that they haunt him while he’s awake too.

“Almost an entire century.” He finally answers.  

Wonwoo doesn’t want it, but there’s pity in Jonghyun’s gaze. “That’s amazing…” He shakes his head, knowing that he would never be able to stay without it for that long. “You should be proud of yourself.”

 _Are you proud of me?_ Wonwoo wants to ask, just to challenge him. Jonghyun is always supportive of him, but is he serious about cohabitation? Is there a future available to them where vampires won’t just be feeding off humans? Harmony seems impossible for them, but no one interferes with other biosystems. Lions can live with antelopes. There will always be predators hunting their prey. Humans lived with the very animals they slaughtered for meals, so why couldn’t they learn to live with vampires? If vampires could learn to control themselves and humanity accepted them, then cohabitation could be possible, but how _likely_ is it? Wonwoo is proof that it’s possible, or at least, he was before he got greedy and turned Joshua into a vampire just to save his life.

Just before he’s about to say something he’d probably end up regretting, Minhyun enters. “Jonghyun, lunch?” He’s carrying a lunchbox, but Wonwoo has a suspicion that it isn’t a ham and cheese sandwich in there. “Oh, hi, Wonwoo.” Another vampire who is unfazed by his existence. Minhyun actually is unfazed by anything that isn’t Jonghyun. While Jonghyun hadn’t recruited Minhyun, he did find him discarded. The wars between werewolves and vampires could get so violent. If it hadn’t been for Jonghyun, Minhyun would have died. Since then, Minhyun has dedicated his whole life to staying beside Jonghyun. He’s absolutely in love with him, but everyone acts like they don’t know. Well, except for Jonghyun, who really just doesn’t know.

“Thank you.” At Minhyun’s entrance, Jonghyun softens. There’s always a heaviness weighing on his shoulders, but whenever Minhyun is beside him, that weight is lessened. “Wonwoo’s here to say hello. I was hoping that he would be coming back to us, but I’m not one to push him.”

Minhyun hums, weaving around Wonwoo to hand Jonghyun his lunchbox. “Always,” he says, then turns to Wonwoo. “How about that newborn you have on your hands? How is he?” Word travels fast among Junhui and the others. Wonwoo would be more concerned about it if any of them had made a house call to see Joshua, but they’ve all been leaving him alone. That means a lot to Wonwoo, even though he knows that it won’t last forever. Minhyun’s questions are ideally harmless. It is almost as though they are talking about a child.

“He’s… alright. I don’t trust him yet, to leave the house, but he’s been doing well. I’ve been feeding him with bagged blood only.” It is easy for Wonwoo to imagine that they are talking about a child. _Oh, I’ve been feeding my baby organic blood… I insist that it is for the best_. Minhyun makes a face, then looks away quickly. There’s nothing about his lifestyle that Minhyun respects. In fact, Minhyun feeds off prisoners a couple days after meeting them. He counsels dozens of prisoners every week, then picks which to feed off of later. Wonwoo doesn’t know how he hasn’t been found out, unless there are more of them working at the jail. Wonwoo probably helps his case considering it is he who usually gets some of the bodies to inspect. No matter what, though, he won’t be sloppy on the job. Even though he’s not one of them anymore, he doesn’t want to be their enemy.

The silence between them is awkward. Minhyun seems to be holding back a conversation that he knows Wonwoo won’t want to have. A lot of times, Wonwoo has to bite his tongue around the vampires. It feels good to have one of them having to do it instead. With Jonghyun, he’s allowed to freely talk about anything and Minhyun knows that. Minhyun _respects_ that. He wishes that other people respected Jonghyun like Minhyun does. Jonghyun deserves this kind of respect. “If you can get him the most fresh bagged blood available one day, it’d be good for him, Wonwoo. The nightmares… They’ll never go away without good blood.” His statement is clipped short. Personally, Minhyun would have let a newborn feed just to make sure they didn’t suffer from the memories of being recruited. Wonwoo knows that Jonghyun would have done the same too. Both of them believe that letting them feed once can’t be bad because it helps them. Except Wonwoo remembers his first kill the clearest. It is a memory that stings because he knows how innocent that girl had been. She had just been available to him at that moment, so he took advantage of the opportunity. She had been seventeen years old, an almost-adult. He had robbed her of every chance to live a full life. He never wants to ruin someone again and he’ll never give Joshua the chance to try.

“I can get him warm blood, but I’m not letting him attack and kill people for it,” Wonwoo snaps. Irritation coats his tone. Jonghyun reads the situation carefully and decides to put a hand against Minhyun’s chest, pushing him back towards him to generate space between them. “Mind your own damn business.” Seeing Jonghyun should have been easy and happy, but instead, he’s just reminded of how he isn’t missing anything about this life. By nature, they should act as a group, but Wonwoo is independent. He doesn’t need anyone else in his life, especially not pushovers and power-hungry monsters. Jonghyun’s future is imaginary. There’s no way that monsters can do anything but scare.

☄

The apartment fills up with the smell of baking: melting butter, sugar, soft vanilla. When Wonwoo was human, his favorite smells had been homemade meals. He never was spoiled with baking until after he was turned. Junhui had seen the way Wonwoo’s face lit up when he had his first slice of cake and it had been over. They never went without sweets in the house. Everyday, the sweet smell would waft out from the other rooms to tempt Wonwoo. Wonwoo got to try sweets from around the world. The memories of it should have been happy, but he knows it was just another ploy to keep him under Junhui’s control.

Or that’s what he tries to convince himself. The reality might be too much for him face.

“What’s going on in here?” Mingyu catches the scent just as fast as Wonwoo does. “You’re baking?” Soonyoung is in his familiar spot on top of the table, but he has his hand in an oven mitt. The heat wouldn’t hurt him, probably, if he touched it directly, but Wonwoo’s glad he doesn’t try. Joshua has an apron wrapped around his middle and flour on his cheek. Honestly, Wonwoo can’t recall a time when he saw Joshua handling food. Usually, Mingyu is the one who cooks because he studied it in college and he loves doing it. It is odd for their positions to be switched, Mingyu thinks so too. They exchange a look, ill feelings forgotten in the moment. “I thought you—”

“Hated baking? Oh, I do.” Out of irritation, Joshua’s eyebrows are drawn together. “Soonyoung invited me to help him make a surprise for the two of you.” At his betrayal, Soonyoung throws his oven mitt at Joshua. It glances off of him, hardly a weapon. Still, he turns his attention to Soonyoung. “What? It’ll be done in… _ten minutes_ … They don’t need to wait when they’ve realized what’s going on.”

Wonwoo laughs, going to retrieve the oven mitt that lays forgotten on the floor in between Joshua and Soonyoung. “You made us dinner and dessert tonight, Soonyoung?” He asks. His whole body feels a little warm. It is nice to be taken care of, but he’s so unused to it that he doesn’t know what to say.

After dinner, he thanks him and offers to help him with dishes, but Soonyoung tells him he doesn’t have to feel indebted to him. Acts of kindness, to Soonyoung, just seem to come naturally. Whenever he does something kind, he does it because it’s what he wants to do. If Wonwoo ever wants to make it up to him, he thinks, then he’ll have to surprise him by doing something kind. “Thank you.”

Again, Soonyoung waves his hands dismissively. “No need for that! Thank Joshua if anyone, he’s the real MVP.”

“I really hate baking…” Joshua just mutters, shaking his head. “I’ll be glad when we can start _enjoying_ the food instead of preparing it.”

Silently, Wonwoo agrees. He’s greedy when it comes to sweets. As soon as the food is out and ready to serve, he’ll be there. Other food doesn’t impress Wonwoo; to him, they taste bland and boring, but baked sweets still have a vibrancy that he doesn’t quite understand. There are parts of this life that he still doesn’t understand and he may never but if he’s being honest, he’s just happy to have these small pieces of humanity still.

Quietly, while Mingyu goes over to hug Joshua, Wonwoo gets closer to Soonyoung.

“I love baking. I used to do it for my little cousins all the time…” Soonyoung doesn’t hesitate to start a conversation. “I was always in charge of their birthday cakes. I wonder who is going to make them now. I hope they don’t get store bought cake… No offense to them, but if you knew their parents, then you’d understand. Just a little thing… like making a cake, was the biggest kindness to them. They always appreciated so much…” The beginnings of tears make Soonyoung misty-eyed. Comforting him feels awkward, so Wonwoo just waits for him to say as much as he needs. Of course there are people out there who miss Soonyoung, who are grieving. Wonwoo just hadn’t been thinking about that. He doesn’t seem like a private person, but Soonyoung doesn’t really give that much up about himself. Admittedly, Wonwoo is happy to hear that he had a life before he died. His first worry is always that a ghost lived an unhealthy, sad life. For them, their unfinished business is always the hardest to figure out.

“When I was turned, Junhui made it look like I was murdered… It _destroyed_ my family. I attended my own funeral because I didn’t know what else to do. My older sister wept and wept. When she died, I went to her funeral, but I couldn’t show my face because I looked just like her. Everyone would have known, especially her son. She never forgot about me, but I never could get close to her after I was turned… I was scared of getting close to her.” He regrets never trying to get close to her. Joshua had been the only human he had tried to form a connection with, but he had lived near them before. He believed that dealing with it slowly would generate the most success. For the most part, it has worked. Wonwoo hasn’t come close to hurting anyone in almost a whole century and he lived with a human for three years without posing any danger to him. “They will find ways to move on, but they’ll never forget you. Maybe you can even still bake them cakes. Mingyu could deliver them even. We can just make up some fake business or giveaway or something. Say it is from the school, but they’ll know. Kids are like that.”

Just the idea of it makes Soonyoung’s whole face light up, but he doesn’t respond. Wonwoo can tell that he’s thinking it over, going over the mechanics of it in his head. It could work, but they’d all have to be committed to it. It could be something that they could do for years. As Soonyoung’s cousins grow up, somehow, they could still get his cakes.  Joshua hasn’t hit the point of realization yet. One day soon, he’ll reach out for family who he’ll never be able to see again without fear of hurting. Even if he can meet with them, then he only has so many years before they realize that he’s not aging. Humans are keen about that.

Maybe this is Soonyoung’s unfinished business. It would make sense for it to concern his cousins, especially if they mattered so much to him. Missing them this much… Wonwoo wishes he could lessen that pain, but he supposes that Soonyoung is getting along well all on his own. Taking care of them fills in the hole left by not being able to take care of his cousins. “Thank you,” he whispers, looking away from Wonwoo shyly.

The gratitude makes Wonwoo smile. “There’s no need for _you_ to thank _me_. I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it.” Which is, strangely, the truth. Wonwoo isn’t used to meaning what he says. So often, he has to put on a fake mask and pretend for his audience, but with Soonyoung… With Soonyoung, it has always been different. From the moment of their meeting, Wonwoo has been open with him.

“I do have a question for you.” A change in conversation was necessary. If they kept on moping, then they’d all just end up in tears.

“Shoot,” Soonyoung says, easily steering the conversation in a different direction.

Even so, Wonwoo’s mind still flashes back to Seulgi. Her son is long gone, but he could trace his genealogy, if he wanted to, but then what? It was better to just move on. That’s the trouble with living forever alongside humans: they’ll always die. Maybe that’s why Jonghyun’s world is impossible. If every vampire lived like Wonwoo, then they might get selfish like Wonwoo had been with Joshua, like Junhui had been with him. On the other hand, a whole world of vampires would never be ideal, especially without humans to feed off of. Sooner or later, they’d fall into boredom, thirst, and then slaughter.

Wonwoo shakes his head, trying to clear it. “What’s the occasion so special that you had to bake us a cake for?”

Suddenly, Soonyoung’s cheeks are dusted pink. The change is so sudden that it startles Wonwoo into silence. Before, he had been so emotional, but now he’s subdued, almost demure. He starts playing with his fingers as a poor distraction. His behavior confuses Wonwoo because he’s almost acting like he’s _nervous_. The question itself had been harmless, so he doesn’t understand why Soonyoung would feel nervous about answering it. If anything, Wonwoo’s touched that Soonyoung made him anything: special occasion or not. “Uh,” he bends his fingers around one another, not looking towards Wonwoo. Even Joshua and Mingyu have gone silent now. The way Soonyoung is behaving makes them exchange glances that are knowing. Wonwoo wishes that he was involved in those glances. He wants to understand what this is about, _why_ Soonyoung is acting like this. Why would Mingyu and Joshua know, but not him? He’s the one that spends the most time with Soonyoung.

“Just tell him what you told me,” Joshua urges, quietly, from the sidelines.

Instead of helping, it makes Soonyoung hyper aware of everyone watching him and he disappears from the kitchen altogether. Clearly, he’s overwhelmed, but it makes no sense to Wonwoo. That’s why he turns on Mingyu and Joshua. “What was that?” He asks, looking towards Joshua since he clearly has spoken to Soonyoung about it.

There’s a moment of hesitation, but then Joshua decides that telling him won’t hurt. “Soonyoung said that he is just really happy to have roommates.” This sounds legit, but Wonwoo knows there’s more coming. Joshua’s so easy to read. “But, he also wanted to bake something for _you_ because you helped him reform. I think he’s embarrassed because it seems so random. I thought it was too, but we weren’t doing anything else here. Both of you went off somewhere, so we just decided to have a little fun with it. Except his idea of fun is _completely_ different from mine.”

“You hate baking, we know,” Mingyu says fondly. “I appreciate that you’ve done this though.”

At Mingyu’s words, Joshua gets flustered. Immediately, he’s spinning around to wrap his arms around Mingyu’s shoulders. They are so sweet together that Wonwoo doesn’t even care that he’s their third wheel most of the time. He’s used to that role by now, even if there’s someone else in the house to divide his attention. Behind them, just as they kiss, the timer goes off to announce that the cake needs to be taken out of the oven. From somewhere else in the house, Soonyoung rent-a-ghosts back into the kitchen, taking his oven mitt from Wonwoo so he can pull the cake out.

Once it is out, he checks it to make sure it is done. “It smells so good,” Mingyu croons. “Are you guys going to ice it?”

“Of course!” Soonyoung exclaims, balancing the cake carefully on the only empty area of the counter. “Joshua made it himself. I think he really finally got it after his fourth attempt…” Mingyu laughs, booming and happy, at Joshua’s pouting face, but Wonwoo is watching Soonyoung. With his tongue just peeking out the side of his mouth, Soonyoung masters the art of object placement by fitting the cake pan on the counter without having it touch anything else. When he moves back, hands raised in the air, Wonwoo has the urge to applaud his efforts. “There!”

The cake will need time to cool, but they can’t all shuffle out into the living room because Joshua has yet to clean it up from earlier. The extra room upstairs should have been for his occupation, _not_ for Soonyoung to evade in favor of Wonwoo’s closet. That would have been too smart of a decision for them to make. Instead, they have to stay crammed in the kitchen or go their separate ways until it’s been cooled and iced. All of them stand in silence before collectively deciding to go their own ways until it is done. There’s no use for them to stay there because then it’ll just be like watching paint dry, which might be satisfying for just Soonyoung. Well, probably not.

Just as Wonwoo is about to follow Joshua and Mingyu upstairs, a tug on his elbow stops him. “Hey.” Soonyoung is quiet once again, but the air feels different. His reaching out is not of sadness, but of importance. Anxiety creeps up on him, but he knows not to succumb to any certain feeling until Soonyoung has explained himself. Wonwoo gives him the chance to by turning around to give him his attention. This time, Soonyoung doesn’t avoid his gaze when he addresses him. “Joshua… I didn’t believe you guys, but… Yewon came over today while both of you were gone. She said that she wanted to see how you guys were getting on, but when Joshua opened that door… I thought he was going to kill her… The longer she was here, the more erratic he got. He wasn’t being Joshua anymore... “

At the end of his words, Wonwoo lets out a breath he hadn’t been aware of holding. “Being around humans is dangerous for him, that’s why we haven’t let him out of the house yet… He… he didn’t hurt her, right?”

“No, I don’t know what happened, but all of a sudden, he told her that he was going to be late for work. She left, but I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I couldn’t touch her and I didn’t know how to stop him. I was so scared that he was going to attack her. She’s got kids, Wonwoo… _Kids_. Her son is three and her daughter was just born a month before I died. She used to show me pictures of them all the time and I used to show her pictures of Hansol and Chan in return. I almost watched her die… What would her family have done without her? Joshua… he stopped himself, but he wasn’t going to. I saw it in his eyes, they were… They were _black_ , totally black. When I looked into them, I felt terror. _What could I have done, Wonwoo?_ When she left, he wouldn’t stop pacing, so I invited him to help me. I thought if I could get other smells in here, then maybe he could calm down…” He’s rambling, his eyes as wide as Wonwoo has ever seen them. Even though there hasn’t been a threat for hours, Soonyoung is still frightened by Joshua. It makes Wonwoo pity him and Joshua both. He’s turned one into a monster and let the other live with three of them. “I gave him bagged blood once the batter was mixed and he’s been acting normal since…”

Newborns tend to be unpredictable. Wonwoo never had the opportunity to deal with one himself, but he had been around when Jieqiong was taken in and there had been others that he had seen glimpses of. Since he didn’t recruit any, he’s never had to directly interact with them until their recruiters were done with them. All Wonwoo knows about taking care of newborns is the knowledge had Junhui imparted to him, but the way Junhui took care of him had been dangerous. Ideally, he had been trying to own Wonwoo. Wonwoo didn’t want to treat Joshua like that, but Junhui had taught him how to contain a newborn. Distractions always would help until eventually the thirst fades into background noise: constant and annoying. If they could keep Joshua from drinking, then maybe his thirst would never be as terrible as Wonwoo knows it can be. Honestly, he doesn’t know how Soonyoung can help more than just creating distractions so that Joshua doesn’t have to focus solely on his thirst.

“You did the right thing. That’s all you could have done. I imagine you would have tried to interfere if he had attacked Yewon, but considering the circumstances, you did all that you could do.” It is the honest thing to say, even if it sounded like Wonwoo sugarcoated his words so Soonyoung’s feelings don’t get hurt. Ghosts can’t interact with humans as well as they can with supernatural beings. Interfering would have made Joshua look unusual, so keeping his distance and waiting Joshua out had been smart. Perhaps they all needed to have more faith in Joshua, especially if he could hold himself back from attacking a human that had been so close to him. If she had touched him though, Wonwoo knows that it would have been over. Touch heightens the senses. Even Wonwoo, so sure of himself, tries to avoid touching humans because he knows that it makes it harder to resist his thirst.

Soonyoung doesn’t appear to be taken by his words. Still, he believes that he could have done something else, but for now, he has to be pacified by Wonwoo’s reply. “Really,” Wonwoo’s voice grows softer as he lays a hand against Soonyoung’s shoulder. Coldness shocks him, but he knows better than to pull away. Ghosts always lean towards the temperature of the room, but Soonyoung feels colder than it. “I’m proud of you. You knew what to do. Your instincts are good… Don’t doubt yourself.” These words might glance off him too, but Wonwoo hopes that they don’t. He wants Soonyoung to know that he’s done the most he could do and in his shoes, Wonwoo would have done the same.

He seems to think about it for a minute, then he turns back to the cake. “I’ll ice it in about fifteen minutes… I’ll let you all know when it is ready.” This conversation is over by Soonyoung’s decree. Wonwoo knows that he’s fearful of them now. Before, vampires had just been a thought, but he had seen the darkness they possessed. Now, he knows what Wonwoo and Joshua are capable of.

Does he think about Wonwoo and wonder how much blood stains his hands?

Washing if off never works. Sooner or later, it comes back to haunt him, inking his skin a more vibrant, darker red each time. Soonyoung could probably see how tainted he is. A century and a half of killing… Maybe it’s not impressive to the vampire world, but it would disgust anybody else. He’s despicable. Serial killing throughout ages with little care for who. How many mothers had he murdered? How many children? He had never been picky like Minhyun and Jonghyun and Nayoung had been. He didn’t kill prisoners or enemies soldiers or dying patients. No, he had killed whoever he could find in the most haunted places in town. It had been simple. Random selection always worked best, in the end. Only now… All those lives taken are nightmares that swallow Wonwoo up whenever he closes his eyes for too long or whenever he’s quiet for too long or whenever he loses himself in his thoughts.

No amount of humanity he tries to cover himself with will save him now, but he still tries.   
Isn’t it sad how he still tries?

 

four **.**

A monster will always be a monster.

From the moment Junhui put his hands on him, Wonwoo had been transformed into a thing of nightmares. So, shouldn't he be embracing it rather than running away from it? All he would ever be able to do is frighten humanity and disgust other supernaturals. Why doesn’t he just leave everyone alone? Now, he’s made Joshua into a monster too. What right did he have to do that? He just sealed his fate. One day, he’ll be in Wonwoo’s shoes, wondering why he’s still trying when no one can even look him in the eyes.

If he could go back in time, he would stop himself from changing Joshua into a monster. No one deserved this life, especially those who craved humanity as much as Wonwoo does. Humanity doesn’t accept him. It won’t ever accept predatory monsters who slaughter the weak because they can’t control themselves. The only ones that will accept him are mirror images of him, with the same darkness tainting what little humanity they retain, the only difference being that they don’t care.

Confident monsters are the most deadly ones.

“Junhui—” Immediately, Wonwoo is cut off by the sound of footsteps overhead. _Of course_ Soonyoung would be eavesdropping. In the weeks they’ve lived together, it has become his new profession. Holding his hand over the receiver of his cell phone, he exits the confines of their apartment. Again, “Junhui—?” This time it is their neighbor that steals his attention away. He’s waving in this obnoxiously happy way that reminds Wonwoo of a little child. In his other hand is a watering can. Their garden is the prettiest on the whole street, but with the upcoming cold weather, it is starting to wither. Soon, most of the plants will be out of season and they’ll have to wait another cycle before blooming again. “Are you home?” After he’s done waving to their neighbor, he starts walking down the street, away from his apartment. The further away he gets, the better. There’s nothing for him there.

Static cuts through the line randomly. “No, I’m in the morgue right now.” Junhui says, tone clipped like he doesn’t want to be talking to Wonwoo. “Do you need something?” And there it is, the annoyance that lets Wonwoo know that he really doesn’t want to be dealing with him right now. His needs are never more important than Junhui’s own. He should know that by now, but sometimes he tries to trick himself into thinking that Junhui still blindly cares about him.

Because he doesn’t know what to say, he stays silent. That is the key to softening Junhui up. “I can be home in the next half hour.” He sighs. “If you need to see me, then I can make myself available, but you have to let me finish things up here. We just had a body unrelated to us show up here, so you’ll be called in soon to take a look too.”

He still doesn’t know how to respond, so he just hums thoughtfully to let Junhui know he hasn’t hung up on him. “I need to see _you_.” He says, knowing that the weight behind his words matters to him. “I’ll head on over and wait for you, alright?” Over the line, he can hear Junhui’s breath catch. Is it with excitement? Or maybe anger? Wonwoo can’t be sure, but he wants to hear his voice again. It’s been too long since he’s had a civil conversation with Junhui. Honestly, he misses what they once had, even if he knows how damaging it was. “Is that okay?” He asks, desperate.

“Sure,” Junhui sounds breathless and it makes Wonwoo feel the same. There’s a connection between them that won’t ever go away. It is a bond, timeless, and incredibly delicate. “I look forward to seeing you.”

Then the conversation is over. Wonwoo listens to the beeping from the deadened line and he still feels miserable and full of self-loathing. Only now, he has a plan. Soonyoung, Mingyu, and Joshua won’t have to deal with him anymore. He’ll never have to look at them again and see disgust reflected in their eyes.

The decision is spontaneous and risky, but he knows where he belongs because he should have always been there. Leaving them to play house had been idealistic. He had brainwashed himself into thinking he could become a better person if he tried, but Junhui had already corrupted him beyond saving. It would be in everyone’s best interest for him to barricade himself away, to give himself back to Junhui. Despite his ill feelings towards him, Junhui had created him. Wonwoo belonged to him.

So, why did he want to be as far from him as possible?

“No, Wonwoo,” Soonyoung’s voice startles him out of his thoughts. “Whatever you are thinking about doing… _no_. I don’t know where you are going, but when you took that phone call outside, I knew it couldn’t be good. I didn’t hear much, but you can’t leave. You especially can’t go see Junhui.”

There’s a part of him that wants to see Junhui, the corrupted part of him that is constantly pulled towards him no matter how far Wonwoo tries to stay away from him. It is the part that Junhui’s claimed for his own. “Please come back into the apartment,” Soonyoung is prepared to beg.

Instead of responding right away, Wonwoo looks around to make sure no one can see him talking to himself. Their neighbor seems to be gone and he doesn’t see anyone else. “I think I need some time to myself.” He bites down on his tongue because he doesn’t want to say what comes to mind. Soonyoung’s feelings are too easily damaged for him to be impulsive. Even if he wants to get away from them, he doesn’t want to hurt them. When he leaves, he’ll be protecting them by making him happier and removing the biggest threat to their happiness: him. “I’ll only be out for a little bit.” A lie. He’s never been good at lying, but he knows that Soonyoung might believe anything if he spins it the right way. Even though he might not be, Soonyoung looks like the gullible type, so it is worth a try.

Now that he’s promised Junhui to be there, he has to be there. The consequences that will be if he’s not… Wonwoo doesn’t want any anger directed towards him. When he left, everyone had been furious, but they’ve cooled down. Most of them haven’t forgiven him, but only because they refused to until he comes back to them. Once he’s back, everything will return to normal between them. Nayoung won’t have to avoid him and Jieqiong won’t mock him. He’ll be able to go to Jonghyun whenever he wants to talk to him and Minhyun won’t lecture him on how to properly exist. Finally, he’ll be part of something again. Maybe it isn’t a family, but it is the closest thing to a family that he shouldn’t be able to have. What he has with Soonyoung, Mingyu, and Joshua is just a fantasy. In a couple months, he’ll make another mistake and jeopardize everything. That’s just how he is. Nothing about him is safe. Nothing about him is human. That’s what he has to keep in mind. It’ll make leaving them easier if he just remembers that he’s nowhere near human and he’ll never be.

Soonyoung looks desperate. His eyes are doubled in size again, but this time, they aren’t leaving Wonwoo. “We can be alone together,” he says. Wonwoo thinks that he would say anything right now, even sentences that don’t make sense logically. _What’s the point?_ Honestly, it doesn’t make much sense to Wonwoo. If anything, it just seems like Soonyoung is grasping at straws. Wonwoo isn’t going to let him keep him from Junhui. He’ll be waiting for him, and Wonwoo doesn’t want to make him wait for long. Still though, Soonyoung doesn’t budge. “Can we just talk?”

“About what?” His tone is mocking. To stay, Soonyoung has to have the patience of a kindergarten teacher.

What _had_ Soonyoung wanted to do with his life? Clearly, he hadn’t wished to die and be stuck in between life and death. Did he have dreams of becoming a teacher or a chef or a famous actor? The thoughts cut through his mind so quickly that he forgets that they are arguing. Sometimes, Soonyoung trips him up like that. As a vampire, Wonwoo is allowed to do so much. He sees so much change and can influence history, but Soonyoung can’t even fulfill his dreams. He can’t even leave the sidewalk leading to his house. _Twenty-three… What a cruel existence._ Pity softens him. “What do we have to talk about, Soonyoung?” He asks, lowering his head in exhaustion. All he wants to do is get out of here and go back to the place he should have always called home.

“I—I made that cake for you because you’ve done so much for me in the short time we’ve spent together. I decided to make it right after Joshua almost attacked Yewon because it doesn’t matter to me. What you are… _Who_ you are… To me, that doesn’t matter. You are _Wonwoo_. You are the person who talked to me every night while I was just separated atoms or whatever. I’ve seen Junhui and you don’t belong with him. You are _scared_ of him. Don’t—Don’t force yourself to be with him because… because of _whatever_. I _know_ you were on the phone with Junhui, so I _know_ that’s where you plan to go. Don’t do it, Wonwoo. Just stay here with us. Please, just stay here with us.” Out of breath, Soonyoung stops his begging and steps back towards the safety of their apartment. It is like he’s trying to beckon him to follow, but Wonwoo knows better than to let him hypnotize him with kind words. This time around, he’ll make his decision himself. Impatiently, he glances behind him, but Soonyoung pulls his attention back. “If you do leave, then please, _please_ , come back.”

Wonwoo takes a step back. “I—” If he stays, there will be consequences for him. Already, he hates his existence and if he has to live with Soonyoung and Mingyu, he knows he’ll just end up hating himself more. No matter how desperate Soonyoung’s pleas are, he needs to be away from him, from _them_ , for a little bit. They’ve become suffocating to live with in the short month’s time they’ve spent together in Soonyoung’s apartment. If they already make him feel overwhelmed, what will their future look like? Does Wonwoo want to stay around to see?

It is his fault everything changed, so by removing the problem, he’ll make their lives better. Right?   
That’s how it should be, at least.

When he turns away from Soonyoung, he knows that he might be saying goodbye for good. Goodbyes, for Wonwoo, were always tricky things that mean too much. He knows he shouldn’t just walk away from Soonyoung because he deserves so much more than that, but Wonwoo’s always been the disappointing one. _I’m sorry_ , he wants to say. _I think that all I do is hurt the people I love most_. But those words would be lost to the wind. He is a monster, starved of humanity, and only capable of damaging others. Living with Joshua is too hard for him. In a couple years time, he might be able to get used to it, but right now, it is unbearable. If one thing goes wrong, then Joshua is just as corrupted as he is. He’ll have to watch Joshua as he wastes away to depravity and hunger. How could Wonwoo give him this life? How selfish was he to think he could play God like Nayoung and Junhui so often did?

The plea _Stay_ follows him as he walks down the street, cloaked away from the reaches of the sunlight.

☄

His house is the same as Wonwoo remembers it, which shouldn’t be so. Centuries have passed, but everything, even his house, remains the same. In it, Wonwoo should be able to find comfort, but it just sends chills up his spine instead. Vampires didn’t age, but their belongings could. There’s not an ounce of dust on any of Junhui’s things. The doorman is new, but that’s to be expected when he hires humans to do simple things like open doors and dust the shelves. His whole staff is probably different, but they are all similar to the ones Wonwoo remembers. Their names are probably similar too, because that’s how Junhui operated. To him, time and life are never ending. It wouldn’t surprise Wonwoo if Junhui paid them to be called by the same names as his previous staff. Anything to keep up appearances. Junhui is nothing less than completely thorough with details.

Wonwoo thinks he’s just scared to face the reality of losing people.

All of his staff, Junhui treats delicately. He gives them plenty of time off, sends them on lavish vacations, and even supports their children with trusts made out in their names. Junhui had been a strategizer during the Opium Wars and an important government official, especially for being so young. However, no one would find him in any history books because the people who welcomed him into office immortalized him in a different way. He had a little brother who thought the world of him, parents who supported him endlessly, and friends. Before this, he had a _life_ and it had been taken away from him because of some Older Ones thought his mind needed to last forever. Nearly no one is asked if they want to live forever;they are just given the curse and expected to be grateful.

“He will be with you shortly. First, he must finish dressing,” says the doorman, interrupting Wonwoo’s reminiscing. The way his staff talks about him is as though he’s akin to a god. _He_ is how they reference him. Before, it had always annoyed Wonwoo whenever anyone addressed Junhui like that, but the familiarity of it is somewhat welcoming. In his absence, Junhui could have changed completely, but he had only changed marginally. Some aspects of his life remained the same as ever. Wonwoo doesn’t feel like such a stranger here.

The doorman ushers him into a room for waiting, which Junhui actually has in addition to two living rooms. Somehow, the whole house is exactly the same as Wonwoo remembers it. Carefully, he lays a hand against the doorframe. Junhui’s whole history is something that Wonwoo is intimately familiar with. At the beginning, they’d told each other everything. Now, Wonwoo hardly recognizes him when he comes up and places a hand on his shoulder. Every instance between them lasts an eternity.

“Don’t get caught up in the past.” His voice is soft, like a prayer. Wonwoo closes his eyes out of habit and gets lost somewhere in 1943. “You might never come back.”

“Is this your trick house?” Wonwoo asks, turning to face him. It’s become a lot easier to draw a line between them. The past is where their demons lay and Wonwoo doesn’t want to relive any of it. “That’s your ploy, isn’t it? Even as time changes, nothing about you does? Not even your house…”

That garners a laugh from Junhui. “That was _never_ my intention, but I enjoy the way your mind works.” Swiftly, he pushes past Wonwoo and makes himself comfortable on one of the velvet chaises decorating the room. Because he had walked in here willingly, Wonwoo follows suit. “Trick house… What a thought. Minhyun just thinks I’m getting lazy.”

Beside him, there’s a crystal decanter full of temptation. Junhui reaches for it and pours each of them a glass. It makes Wonwoo’s mouth water just by looking at it, but the smell is captivating. “What brings you here, Wonwoo? Last time I heard from you… Well, you weren’t very polite. You wouldn’t even invite me into your house!” He leans forward, pouting in a way that might have once been cute. “Also, I heard you visited Jonghyun. What business did you have with him? He’s keeping secrets from us again. You know the kind of trouble that gets him in.” Junhui sips at his drink like it is wine, not blood, and Wonwoo feels his stomach churn. If he drinks, everything will go away.

“Jonghyun? I went to see _him_ ; he didn’t call for me.” He hopes that is reassuring. If Jonghyun is keeping secrets from them, then something is about to happen. All that they have to do is figure out what, or rather, _who_. When Jonghyun keeps secrets, he merely holds onto them for those who need a depository. “We didn’t talk about much. He mentioned Jeonghan, but not much else.”

Frigidly, Junhui leans back in his seat, turning away from Wonwoo. “I don’t know what _right_ he had to tell you about Jeonghan. He probably made it into a bigger deal than it was. Seungcheol told me to recruit him because he got along better with me, so I did. I don’t want to be in charge of a newborn again anytime soon.” Excuses are being made to cover up the truth. Wonwoo knows how to read him by now, almost like it’s his job. No matter what, Jonghyun always gives the correct version of whatever the story is, but when Junhui tries to undo his damage… It’s plain to see that he’s just trying to cover his tracks. If he wants to control Wonwoo, then he has to make him feel like he’s all that is important to him. Except, that’s not true anymore.

Wonwoo leans back too, placing his glass beside him. Holding it for so long feels like a sin, so he busies himself with the conversation to avoid desecration. “I was told that both of you scouted Jeonghan out. A mutual friend, of sorts?” While he’s talking, Junhui takes another sip. This time the glass lingers in front of lips teasingly. Unconsciously, Wonwoo runs his tongue against his lips. One sip is all he needs to be placated. What would it hurt?

“You wouldn’t be drinking from a human,” Junhui says suddenly, expression open and soft. “It isn’t any different from that bagged blood shit that you steal and drink to survive through the pain.” Then he’s tipping back the rest of his drink. Wonwoo knows better than to believe him because there’s a delicate line separating the blood at the hospital and the blood in Junhui’s decanter. After he’s finished, he pours himself another glass, but leaves it on the table beside him. With an intense gaze, Wonwoo follows each of his movements as though he’s enraptured by the dancing of his limbs. Grace had always been one of Junhui’s greatest qualities, so it doesn’t surprise him to find himself enthralled by his every movement.

Even if the blood isn’t acquired in the same way, it isn’t Wonwoo _killing_ a person. All he’s doing is accepting a drink from an old friend. On the surface, there’s nothing wrong with it. Maybe that’s why he has his hands around the glass again. If Wonwoo was killing someone for this, then he’d be corrupting himself again, but that’s not what this is. His vision swims as he looks towards Junhui to find his gaze expecting. All this is is surviving through the pain, just like Junhui said.

In one quick movement, Wonwoo consumes the contents of the glass, and then lets it consume him.

Impressed, Junhui smiles, leaning back in his seat. “Jeonghan was a volunteer that I met on several occasions. If you knew him, then you would understand the need to possess him. He’s brilliant, more cunning than Jieqiong or _you_ or me. The only issue we ran into is that he’s not particularly able to hold himself back when he’s on his own. For _that_ reason, I insisted that he move in with me.” The news startles Wonwoo, especially because he thought Junhui would continue to keep up the lie. Apparently, drinking had been a sign of loyalty and trust for him. _I’m still one of them_.

“Do you want to meet him?” He quirks an eyebrow, motioning to his doorman. “Fetch Jeonghan from his room.”

Sputtering, Wonwoo wipes the back of his hand across his mouth. He’s unsurprised to find drying blood come away with the motion. “Are you playing _Beauty and the Beast_ with him? Locking him in a room?” Thankfully, he had never been treated like that, but at the same time, he isn’t as strong as others. As soon as he awoke into his new life from his nightmares, he had followed constant orders from Seungcheol, Junhui, and Jonghyun. He had thought that any misstep could be dangerous, but when he was no longer the newborn, he found out that almost anything was forgivable. As long as a newborn didn’t risk exposing vampires to all of humanity, it didn’t matter what they did. All the Older Ones had to do was clean up after them.  

“You know as well as anyone that those doors don’t keep him. If you really want to leave, then you would find a way whether it be strength or intelligence. Jeonghan stays in there because he knows the danger he poses when he’s alone. Usually we spend time together, but you requested my audience.” Junhui takes another sip from his glass, then stands to refill Wonwoo’s. When he does, he leans in close to him. “You know all about leaving.” There’s sorrow in his voice, as though he wants to reach out to him, as though he wants to say more. He swallows hard, looking away from Wonwoo. “I’ve missed you more than you could imagine. Wonwoo, I know you hold so much against me, but please know that after I recruited you, all I did was look after you.”

It takes a lot of strength for Wonwoo not to laugh in his face. Never had Junhui _protected_ him. He brought Wonwoo into this life and forced him to make unforgivable mistakes. In an instant, he was turned into a murderer. His life before this one didn’t matter because this life had made him a different person. The Jeon Wonwoo of before was not the Jeon Wonwoo of now. Those two were strangers to each other. “I can’t wait to meet Jeonghan,” he says instead, choosing to ignore Junhui’s soft words. For some reason, they reminded him of a soft boy wavering at the end of the sidewalk, begging him not to leave.

Just as Junhui pulls himself away from Wonwoo, Jeonghan enters without the accompaniment of the doorman. “Good morning,” Jeonghan raises his arms as he crosses over to Junhui, collapsing on the chair beside him. “I’ve been sleeping for too long. There’s not much to do while you are at work, Junnie. Plus, I don’t want to spend anymore time with Nayoung or Seungcheol. At least you trust me enough to let me sleep or read books. They just sit there watching me like I’m some caged thing.” Even when he’s done complaining, he doesn’t notice Wonwoo’s presence, or maybe, he doesn’t even care there’s somewhere else there.

“I’m glad you got to sleep,” Junhui says to Jeonghan, smiling, but there’s no real happiness that reach his eyes. Wonwoo wonders if he’s upset him by ignoring his confession. “I wanted to introduce you to an old friend of mine. This is Jeon Wonwoo.”

Jeonghan looks at him now with interest and straightens, sticking his hand out to greet Wonwoo; Wonwoo gives him his hand but doesn’t meet him halfway. It probably has something to do with jealousy, but he won’t ever admit that to himself.

“I’m Yoon Jeonghan. It is nice to finally meet the man behind all the historical tales. I haven’t stopped hearing about you since… since well…” He makes a face, clearly unsure how to describe how he came into being _here_ with them. It doesn’t deter him though. “He used to talk about you even when I only knew him as a hoax!”

No matter how angry Wonwoo had felt after Junhui had turned him, he never would have dared to insult him. There should be a shift in the air, but instead, Junhui just rolls his eyes. “We spent so many years together,” he says, only looking towards Wonwoo. He’s trying to find a way to connect them again, but Wonwoo won’t let him in any further than he already is. It took him too long to pull him out from underneath his skin the first time.

“It is nice to meet you but—” Wonwoo starts, but Jeonghan is quicker than he is.

In an instant, Wonwoo understands why Jeonghan was recruited. “Aren’t you the one who lives with the _other_ newborn? How is he? I’ve been meaning to find out, but no one wants to tell me anything about him. Joshua, right?”

All the air in the room disappears and Wonwoo finds it hard to breathe. No one is supposed to have any information on Joshua aside from Junhui and some of the older vampires, but there’s this look of confusion on his face that makes it hard for Wonwoo to suspect him. But if Junhui hadn’t been the one to tell him, then Jeonghan had a way to find out things himself and that couldn’t be safe for Joshua. If one of the Older Ones is trying to convert him, then they’ll sink their claws into him no matter the efforts made to keep him a secret. Jeonghan is working for someone to learn more about Joshua.

 _Minhyun_ —? _Jonghyun_ —? It could be one of them, but it could also be Junhui. _Is Joshua in danger?_ He wants to grab Junhui and shake him until he answers him. All he needs is a warning to propel him back home. They could be messing with him right now. The Older Ones have the manpower to overwhelm Soonyoung and get to Joshua. Mingyu would be at work right now, so if there’s a target on Joshua’s back, then at the moment, he’s free game.

“Who told you anything of another newborn?” Junhui’s voice is sharp when he turns on Jeonghan. The playfulness disappears alongside the air and Jeonghan shrugs, leaning back in his seat. “What are you getting yourself into? Don’t you know you need to learn to mind your own damn business? Who set you up?”

Playing coy, Jeonghan cocks his head to the side and pouts. “No one. I just caught wind of it. I thought I would ask Wonwoo about it because he’s responsible for him, right?” Then he turns his attention to Wonwoo. “If you are allowed to come play with us, then why can’t you bring him along too? A playdate would be _so_ fun!”

Resisting the urge to reach over and kill Jeonghan, Wonwoo stands up, knocking the glass off the table next to him with his rushed movements. “You leave him alone. We want _nothing_ to do with you.” He looks towards Junhui, but he doesn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry about the glass,” is what wins out. Before Junhui can chase after him, Wonwoo pushes his way out of the Junhui’s mansion and sets off in a full sprint towards _home_.

☄

A book flies across the room just as Wonwoo opens the door. “Who’s Seungcheol? Why did he come by?” Soonyoung’s livid: his energy shakes the foundation of the apartment building as though the earth is splitting below them. The more stress a ghost has, the more likely they are to turn into a malevolent creature--a poltergeist. All their energy will be spent tossing things around wildly, like a tornado. Minki had been like that when Wonwoo first met him, then he never saw him like that again, but Jonghyun reassured everyone that the damage was undoable. It just took time to get a ghost to open back up to the idea of attaining some type of happiness. Soonyoung isn’t behaving as erratically as Minki had, though. His energy is controlled and focused. All that is flowing through him is a protective type of anger. Even Wonwoo fears him as he is now.

“He’s one of our leaders.” He dodges a vase and winces as it shatters against the wall. “Did he come for Joshua?”

Joshua emerges from the kitchen, but he hangs by the doorway. “He came by asking about me, but Soonyoung pushed me away and wouldn’t let him in. We have to be invited in, right? So, Soonyoung just closed the door in his face, except he started pounding on the door saying all kinds of nonsense.”

“The neighbors heard.” Soonyoung growls. “They heard this man yelling about how we’ve fucked his life over by stealing his belongings and robbing him of all his money.”  When Wonwoo looks over to Joshua to see if he has anything to add, he’s just met with a curt nod. “So, _of course_ , we _had_ to let him in.” Another book goes flying into the living room. It knocks over a mug of tea, but no one moves to go clean it up. “It was the only way to stop him.”

Finally, Joshua gets braver and steps out towards Soonyoung and Wonwoo. “When he came in, he apologized, but then he started talking about _me_. He wasn’t making any sense, but he said that they want _me_. Why would they want me, Wonwoo? Did Junhui tell them about me? It doesn’t make sense why they’d come for _me_. I can’t help them! I don’t even know what they’d want me to do!” He pauses, eyes wide and breathing erratic. His anxiety makes Soonyoung’s anger subside momentarily. “Seungcheol said being here is _dangerous_ for me and that they could teach me what you won’t. What haven’t you told me? Am I in danger, Wonwoo?”

That sentence is ammunition enough to end a war.  
 _Is he?_ Wonwoo isn’t too sure if he is or isn’t.

“Wonwoo.” It’s Soonyoung now, annoyance coating his tone. “Answer him.”

Both of them are terrified because an Older One got in without any real trouble. Easily, Seungcheol could have taken Joshua back to the hospital, but instead, he gave him words to think on. Strategy doesn’t suit Seungcheol--whenever he is dealing with someone, he uses physical force to scare them, which means this isn’t his plan. _Jeonghan…_ Wonwoo hadn’t thought of him as an active threat yet, but Jeonghan had proved him wrong. This was Jeonghan’s first move and already, Wonwoo felt like he was being held in check.

“ _Wonwoo_ ,” Soonyoung’s anger rolls stray papers around their feet. “You can’t just _leave_ and come back like nothing happened. Where did you go? Are you behind this?”

Their conversation on the street comes to mind. Soonyoung had overheard Wonwoo talking to Junhui, so he could easily connect the wrong dots.

Wonwoo doesn’t let him. “I’m not dangerous to you,” he says, finally. It sounds lame once he says it, but he can’t afford to keep up his silence with their fear contaminating their thoughts.

“I went to Junhui, but not to talk about Joshua.” Lying about his whereabouts isn’t hard, but he knows Soonyoung is looking through him. One misstep and he won’t hesitate to attack. “After I turned you,” Wonwoo starts, turning to Joshua, trying to ignore Soonyoung’s energy pressing oppressively against him. “I’ve been battling with myself. It’s hard for me to stay here when every time I look at you I feel like I’ve ruined your life, Joshua. I know I don’t want to be with _them_ , but I can’t stay here when Mingyu… looks at me like I’m a threat, and Soonyoung is terrified of me. Even if I want to stay here, I can’t handle this. When I left, I wasn’t planning on coming back, but…”

Joshua lets out a breath he must’ve been holding since Wonwoo started talking. “But…?”

Behind him, Soonyoung steps closer, wavering. There’s something he wants to say, but Wonwoo is the one on the spot right now. “Jeonghan,” he starts. The name confuses them, but Wonwoo doesn’t expect them to understand. “He was recently recruited by Junhui. We were introduced to one another and immediately, he wanted to talk about you. You aren’t a secret from them, but from what I could tell, Junhui didn’t tell him about you. That means they’ve been watching us somehow. They can’t get in here without an invitation, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have some other way to get in. To see.” All he’s been thinking about since he left Junhui’s house is where they could be hiding a mic or how they could be watching them. Soonyoung, Joshua, and him wouldn’t show up on video, so there wouldn’t be a video camera anywhere, but they could have been watching them through the windows.

Just the thought of it makes Wonwoo feel sick. He crosses over to close the curtains because he can’t stand the thought of anyone hiding outside their house watching them and listening to them. “What are you doing?” Soonyoung asks, nervously, following suit by pulling the curtains in the living room closed. “Do you think someone’s been watching us through the _windows_?”

“I don't know,” he shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

“Gross,” Soonyoung shivers, folding his arms over his chest once he’s down with the curtains. “Why are they so interested in us? How did you get them to leave you alone for so long?” The question seems harmless enough, but Wonwoo doesn’t really know the right answer. It isn’t like he thought they would actually leave him alone. In reality, he had left them and they didn’t bother him, aside from Junhui checking in on him.

After all the windows had been checked twice, Wonwoo rejoins Soonyoung and Joshua in the entryway. “It probably had something to do with me minding my own business and _not_ recruiting anyone. When I did that, I guess I broke whatever unspoken agreement we had. They aren’t really keen on newborns, especially ones that they didn’t handpick.” He says with a shrug. “I can’t be sure though. Sometimes they formulate plans and they’ll just never leave us alone if they want us involved.”

“Vampires are very group-oriented creatures. We flock together, except for a few rare cases, and even then, they usually come back to the group. There’s a fine line between a vampire who wants to explore for a century and one that is a rebel. No one trusted me once I turned my back on them, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want me to rejoin them. If they didn’t, then they would have killed me already. I’m not really a threat to them, but I’m not… I’m not part of their special _cult_ , so all they can do is try to get me back.”

Soonyoung snorts. “Sounds like a bad relationship.”

“Like you’ve ever been in a relationship,” Joshua rolls his eyes.

The lack of heat in their exchange surprises Wonwoo, but he supposes that since they are always left in the house together, they are going to start to get along eventually. Soonyoung is pouting now, instead of making his concerned face. “We’ll just have to stay on our toes. Make sure to watch out for anything suspicious.”

“And don’t tease me when we are having an important conversation!” Blushing, Soonyoung adds.

Clearing his throat, Wonwoo heads into the kitchen. “We can’t do anything about it right now, except be vigilant. If you notice anything, let the others know. I can guarantee that they won’t approach Mingyu because he doesn’t interest them in the slightest. Werewolves are either avoided or used for entertainment. Jonghyun is close to a pack of werewolves that lives in Busan, so Mingyu is safe. Seoul is one of the safest places for werewolves to live.”

When they first met, Mingyu had been desperately searching for a safe haven somewhere in South Korea. So many cities had underground rings where they would pit werewolf against werewolf and watch them fight to the death. Wonwoo knew about the sport, but he thought it was disgusting. None of the vampires he associated with thought kindly about them either, especially Jonghyun. When they made Seoul their home, he warned everyone that werewolves would be safe to live here. Busan had a similar set-up, but it also contained most of the werewolf population next to Ansan, of course. The werewolf population was lower in South Korea than in most other Asian countries, but that statistic made sense to Wonwoo. The origin of vampires had always been traced back to Japan or a surrounding area. Of course there would be more vampires around the location of origin. Junhui himself had come from China in a time where most of the government officials were vampires that had been around for centuries.

“If you’re sure, then I’m going to go make dinner.” Soonyoung appears in front of him in the kitchen, interrupting his thoughts. “How does… how does ramen sound? That’s all we have. Why is that all we have?” It isn’t back to normal, but Soonyoung’s wonderings about food make Wonwoo feel much calmer. Now that he’s back here, the answer is so simple. It has always been so simple. He belongs _here_.

☄

Anger is the easiest emotion for Mingyu to feel. It floods through his body alongside his blood as though it is meant to be there. Hearing, from Joshua, that one of the vampires had stepped out of line and approached him is all the motivation he needs to return the favor. It doesn’t matter what Wonwoo has to say on the subject because he’s made his mind up. He doesn’t need to know who is in charge or go in prepared. All he wants to do is send a warning to them: Joshua is off-limits. There was no recruitment involved with Joshua, instead, he had been on the verge of death and Wonwoo decided to make a mistake on behalf of all involved parties. Mingyu’s angry about that too. It might be the driving force involved in all his hate directed towards the vampires. Or, maybe he’s always hated them. Wonwoo is just the exception, somehow. Well, he was at least. Mingyu isn’t sure how he feels about him now.

He pushes those thoughts behind him. Right now, he has more important business to take care of.

Junhui’s doorman greets him with a smile. _He’s human_. It startles Mingyu enough that he takes a step backwards. “Hello,” he says, still with that brilliant smile. It doesn’t surprise him that Junhui has a doorman, but it does surprise him that his doorman is human. “Are you here to see Him? Sadly, he just left for work, but a message can be left with me. If you’d like, I can take you into the waiting room so you can record whatever you’d like to say.”

“No one’s home?” He growls the words without meaning to. If he acts too predatorily, then he’ll never be allowed inside. Instead, the doorman will call the cops on him and he’ll have to deal with Wonwoo. That’s not how he imagines this going. No, instead, he’s going to get some answers and make some demands. After today, no one would be approaching Joshua ever again if he had any say in it. The doorman hesitates for a minute and Mingyu realizes that he’s caught on already. This is something that he might even deal with often.

Quickly, Mingyu rams his shoulder against the doorman’s body, tossing him out of the way. Then he’s rushing inside. “Hey!” He yells, slamming the door behind him. “Come meet me down here!” Even though the doorman probably has an extra set of keys, he locks the door too. “Get the fuck down here!” With his back pressed against the door, he knows that he only has so long before either the cops are called or Junhui is informed of the ongoings at his mansion. Would he come back home immediately? Mingyu wants to meet with him, but there’s no telling if he’ll come, so he’s yelling to empty rooms in hope of conjuring something. What he gets, he never wanted.

Someone stands at the top of his balcony, long hair tied low. “Me?” He looks bleary-eyed, as though he had just woken up from a deep sleep. That doesn’t soften Mingyu up in the slightest. In fact, he just is angrier at the thought of this vampire getting to live a semi-normal life while terrifying the love of his life.

There’s nothing directly threatening about Jeonghan, but Mingyu knows that vampires all have their own strengths. In fact, looking at Jeonghan, he expects his to be grace based on his lithe form. It wouldn’t surprise Mingyu to find that he moves fast on his feet. Joshua and Wonwoo both have an odd quickness to their stride sometimes, but only rarely. It was as though they had to be provoked by something for them to seem anything other than human. Vampires confused Mingyu with their unpredictable nature, but he needed to know about them now that Joshua…

“What makes you think you can huff and puff and try to blow my house down?” Easily, as though gravity was nothing, Jeonghan hops over the balcony and falls gracefully through eight feet onto the floor in front of Mingyu. He doesn’t wince or even appear hurt at all. Wonwoo did say that newborns had a type of strength that was unparalleled by even changed werewolves, the only difference being that newborns were clumsy and unsure. It took time to get used to the new ways their bodies functioned.

“Are you here to talk about your lover boy?” Jeonghan swings his ponytail over his shoulder in a way that might be beautiful if Mingyu’s nose didn’t burn from proximity. Wonwoo and Joshua never smelt bad to him, but other vampires always reeked. He felt repulsed just being around them.

Instead of answering, he growls, baring his teeth.

Jeonghan’s eyes widen in mock fear. “Down, Mingyu.” He shakes his head, raises his palms. “I don’t mean Joshua any harm. Honestly, I just want to talk to him. We were recruited at just about the same time. To me, that makes us brothers, but no one else seems to sympathize with me, not even Junhui.” Now, he’s pouting. There is a myriad of emotions playing across Jeonghan’s face, but only one really comes through as dominant: confidence. “Think about it. If we really wanted to hurt him, then Seungcheol had the perfect chance to do that when he visited. You heard about that, didn’t you? That’s why you’re here. Junhui’s not the orchestrator anymore. He pines for Wonwoo, but knows that he’s lost him. All he really wants to do is keep him safe, which is fine. Wonwoo doesn’t matter to me, so he can be as safe as Junhui wants him to be… _I_ want Joshua, and you’ll be the one to give him to me.”

Just as the words are said, Mingyu feels something sharp smack against the back of his head.   
The world blurs, then disappears.

 


	3. ep. 5 + 6

five **.**

In Mingyu’s absence, Joshua has bitten all his fingernails down to stubs. By now, he would have called if he needed time to himself or if he was visiting his family. There might have been a family emergency, but still, Mingyu would have told him before just leaving like this. In the pit of his stomach, there is this sinking feeling that warns him, telling him that Mingyu is in danger, but Joshua doesn’t know where he is.

The last real conversation they had had was over dinner. Nothing seemed any different from usual, especially considering the circumstances. Mingyu knew that about Seungcheol’s visit, but after hearing that no one was hurt, he visibly relaxed. Maybe that’s when the siren should have went off inside Joshua’s head. Rarely did Mingyu just drop topics unless a resolution had been made, but he wouldn’t play with his life like that… Would he? He wouldn’t just go over to the vampires to seek answers… Right? Joshua felt like he didn’t even know him right now. How could he just leave without telling anyone where he went? _Especially_ if he went to talk to vampires. It’s worrisome. Actually, it is so worrisome that Joshua can’t stop thinking about it. His thirst finally takes a backseat to something, but this consumes him just as badly. Desperately, for the ninth time that morning, Joshua texts Mingyu.

He knows he won’t get a reply.

His answers don’t come until hours later, delivered by a burly, rugged looking man who smells like he’s just rolled out of a dumpster. “How’s lunch looking?” He asks, pushing his way inside without waiting for an invitation. Soonyoung appears downstairs just to watch him, but unfortunately, he can watch Soonyoung too. “A ghost? Mingyu never told me about a ghost…” Quickly, he turns away and rushes into the kitchen as though he’s been here before. For some reason, he knows the layout of the place and he also knows Mingyu. The rotten smell that has invaded his nose clues him in on the rest— _Werewolf._ “Those eggs look absolutely delicious. Do you mind if I have some?” Joshua hears him ask Wonwoo once he’s in the kitchen.

“Who is he?” Soonyoung asks, expecting Joshua to know.

All he’s given as an answer is a shrug, then they are trailing after the stranger, into the kitchen.

The first thing Joshua notices when they enter is that Wonwoo is _smiling_ at the intruder like he’s an old friend. “Help yourself, Baekho. Soonyoung made plenty.” Wonwoo is finishing what is left of the breakfast dishes. Even though Joshua refused to eat, Soonyoung still made plenty of food in the hope that the smell would entice him. Wonwoo had finished his shift at the hospital a little after eight, so Joshua had already been up for hours waiting for Mingyu. Waking up to an empty bed had scared him, but hours later, he’s petrified and sick. If he tried to eat, then it’d just end up coming back up later because he can’t stand this torturous waiting. If only Mingyu would text or call him back to tell him that he’s okay, then Joshua could calm down. All he needs is to hear from him, instead, he gets this stranger invading their kitchen and eating his food. This stranger who knows Mingyu and Wonwoo somehow…

 _Baekho_.  
Joshua is sure he’s never heard of him before now.

He’s plating some of the steamed eggs and cooked rice that Soonyoung had made when Joshua decides that he’s been patient enough. “Who are you?” He asks. “Why are you here?” Nervously, Soonyoung looks towards Wonwoo, but Joshua can’t stop himself. His emotions are getting the better of him. All he has time to do is worry about Mingyu, not some weirdo who wants free breakfast. He turns on Wonwoo before Baekho can answer. “Did _you_ invite him here? Why do you know him? How does he know Mingyu?”

“One at a time, Joshua.” Baekho tries to soothe him, sitting down at their table. It bothers him that he knows his name, but he doesn’t stop to ask about it. “Wonwoo didn’t invite me. I came up because Jonghyun called. Mingyu lived with me before he met you. It was right after he was attacked because my pack was nearby at the time. We read about an animal attack and tried to find him. I’ve never found a werewolf so fast… He was just in his house like nothing changed. Mingyu’s always been a bit of a hardass, the way he never gives up on what he wants. We tried to get him to join our pack, but you were the reason why he couldn’t stay.” He raises his chopsticks up, then drives them into his eggs dramatically. “Romance conquers all, you know how that is.” Again, he pauses, but this time, he’s delivering a real blow. Joshua’s breath catches in his throat. “But Jonghyun called me because Mingyu’s in a bit of trouble.”

“Trouble?” Joshua’s voice is small when he finds it. “—and you didn’t think to tell us until _right now_?”

From the corner of his eye, he watches Soonyoung get closer to Wonwoo. It’s a good idea to keep the way between Baekho and him clear because Joshua’s already prepared to pounce. He doesn’t know what he’d do, but he wants to hurt him for withholding any information regarding Mingyu. When they opened that door, he should have told them. “Calm down,” he rolls his eyes. “Jonghyun’s got it all under control.” If that’s supposed to be reassuring, it doesn’t do its job. Instead, Joshua’s hands just ball into fists at his side.

Wonwoo, the usual voice of reason in these situations, chimes in. “What happened to him?”

“That newborn shit of theirs attacked him and took him hostage or something, but he won’t tell anyone where he’s at. When I got there, Jonghyun was grilling the kid, but it didn’t have much of an effect on him honestly.” He informs them like this is nothing out of the ordinary.

Annoyed, Joshua’s voice raises in pitch. “ _He was kidnapped_?”

“Yeah,” Baekho shrugs. “It happens a lot with our kind, Josh. That’s why I was called in. My superior sense of smell will help me locate Mingyu. Plus, this city was the center for werewolf fights a couple decades ago. I know where they used to hold them, so I think I can find him.” It makes sense, but Joshua’s too mad to let it go. To him, Baekho is an enemy and he can’t trust him to find Mingyu when Joshua should be out there looking for him too.

“We should be looking for him!” Joshua knows that he’s not supposed to be around humans, but he has to help. “Tell me where to look, I’ll go with Wonwoo! We have to find him before anything happens to him…”

Finishing the last of his breakfast, Baekho stands, wiping any crumbs from his pants. “Jonghyun has an emergency plan in effect for us. I’m supposed to send Wonwoo, Nayoung, and Junhui out to different locations to help me search. I brought one of my packmates with me, so I’ll head out with him. Soonyoung will stay here because I don’t even know who the fuck he is, and _you_ are going to go help Jonghyun.” He nods as though that’s the final say on the subject. “I just came to collect you all. We’re going to go to the hospital, alright?”

Blinking dumbly, Wonwoo nods. “Alright.”

“Nayoung and Junhui are the only two who agreed to help. The others just ignored me, aside from Jonghyun, but he can’t leave that newborn alone right now.” Baekho answers an unasked question. “Just in case you wanted to know who your friends were.” It’s directed towards Wonwoo, but he doesn’t look away from Joshua.

Then, before he leaves, he turns to Soonyoung. “Thanks for your ghost eggs and rice.”

“Let me help,” Soonyoung replies, desperately. “There has to be something I can do.”

Baekho shakes his head. “I have no idea how you would be of any help to us.” Joshua and Wonwoo start to leave the kitchen, but they linger to hear the ongoing conversation. If Joshua was in charge, then he would say that every person they could get to help could be utilized, but Baekho seemed definite on Soonyoung not needing to help.

Even though he knows that Baekho can hear him, Wonwoo still leans in to whisper to Joshua. “He’s scared of ghosts. I’m surprised he even touched the food after learning that Soonyoung made it.” That makes sense, but Joshua doesn’t think that’s a reason that Soonyoung shouldn’t help. They _need_ more than just five people looking around all of Seoul. Before he can try to reason with Baekho that it might be a good idea, Soonyoung does a dangerous thing… He just heads out towards the door, disobeying Baekho directly.

In a flash, Baekho grabs onto Soonyoung’s arm. “You _aren’t_ helping.” This time, it is a command. There’s no friendliness to his voice. “More than anyone, _you_ are at risk here. Vampires and werewolves are some of the only forces that can hurt you. If you were smart, then you’d stay here where you are safe.”

Just as quick, Wonwoo is separating them, forcing his body in between them. “Back off, Baekho. I appreciate your help and your kindness, but you won’t touch Soonyoung again.” His eyes are dark, gaze intense. “You understand?”

“Sure,” he backs off, but there’s a new fierceness about him. He leaves without waiting for them and Joshua starts to follow, but he pauses to watch Wonwoo.

No longer is he sharp and threatening, instead he’s impossibly soft, looking straight at Soonyoung who is holding his arm. “Are you okay?” Wonwoo whispers, leaning down to try to see his expression. “You can come with me, if you’d like. Part of what he said is true, but I’ll make sure that nothing happens to you.” How Wonwoo is behaving is so unlike how Joshua has ever seen him. It makes Joshua feel like he should give them some privacy, but he also doesn’t want to look away. There will always be things he doesn’t know, but he’s curious about this.

Finally, Wonwoo straightens after Soonyoung says something and they follow after Baekho.

☄

Wonwoo doesn’t want to leave Joshua alone with Jeonghan, even if Jonghyun is there to intervene if anything goes wrong. Just… the thought of anything going wrong scares Wonwoo. Jeonghan is clever, but he knows he should have more faith in Joshua. He wouldn’t end up falling for any of his tricks, or so Wonwoo tries to convince himself. Joshua would do anything for Mingyu, especially the wrong thing. But if he focuses on the negative, then Wonwoo won’t be able to focus on his job. He was, begrudgingly, assigned to the southern part of the city with Soonyoung assisting him. _Two people can cover more area_ , Baekho had said while handing him the map that circles the possible locations where Mingyu could be being held at. South is away from Junhui’s mansion, which had already been checked by Junhui (multiple times), Nayoung, and Jonghyun. Wonwoo thinks it is a waste of time for them to look so far away from Junhui’s property, but he doesn’t argue with Baekho anymore.

“I _felt_ that.” Soonyoung says, walking alongside him as Wonwoo guides them towards the closest marked building. It is a condemned hotel that might have hosted these werewolf fights, but Wonwoo isn’t sure. Baekho knows a lot more about the history of this city because he was attacked when he was fourteen. He grew up as a werewolf and not a lot of people have seen the ugliness of the world like he has. Wonwoo had a deep respect for him, but he had to draw a line when Baekho felt allowed to lay his hands on Soonyoung. A fear of what is real doesn’t excuse him.

When Wonwoo doesn’t say anything, Soonyoung matches pace with him and repeats himself. “I _felt_ it, Wonwoo. It _hurt_.” Vaguely, he’s mimicking the action by wrapping his fingers around his upper arm and squeezing briefly. “I didn’t think ghosts were supposed to feel _pain_. We don’t have sensation, right? There aren’t any… pain receptors or whatever in my body, right?” He’s rightfully inquisitive about this, but Wonwoo is almost useless when it comes to ghosts. _Could Minki feel?_ If Minki could feel, then Jonghyun and Minhyun would know, but he’s supposed to be focused on finding Mingyu, not on Soonyoung regaining sensation.

Then a thought bombards Wonwoo. _If he can feel pain, can he feel comfort? Pleasure?_

Shaking his head, he tries not to focus on those types of thoughts. _Mingyu_ , he tells himself and turns it into a chant. “It doesn’t make sense, Soonyoung, but we’ll have to ask Jonghyun about it. I don’t know much about ghosts.” This is probably the worst answer he could give Soonyoung, but he doesn’t want to lie to him. “Have you noticed feeling before this? Maybe it just felt so normal you didn’t realize it.” Still, small talk won’t hurt, plus he’s interested in this.

A ghost being able to feel? Maybe it isn’t unheard of, but Wonwoo thinks it is peculiar. _Could I feel if he grabbed me?_ There was a moment a couple weeks ago when Soonyoung tugged on his elbow. The feeling… It wasn’t as forceful as he had been expecting. If Mingyu or Joshua had grabbed him, it would have been unmistakable, but with Soonyoung, it felt like a child or an animal pawing at him. The air around him participated in touch more than his body did. But still, he hadn’t been touching his skin when he reached out to him. Back then, it had just been a tug on his sleeve. What would a touch on his bare skin feel like?

Bravely, idiotically, Wonwoo reaches his hand out to Soonyoung. It is too easy to get him to comply with the movement. In an instance, their fingers are intertwined and Wonwoo doesn’t have the words to describe the sensation. “Can you feel this?” His voice is too quiet as he asks. It is almost like Wonwoo is telling him a secret. Soonyoung gazes at their hands for a minute, then looks up at him with a sun bright smile. _How could death touch this?_ Wonwoo feels bittersweet as he stares at Soonyoung, soaking in his happiness.

“I can!” He says, and it sounds like he might cry. His happiness is infectious. Wonwoo drops his hold on his hand, but only to bing him into his arms for a hug. His cheek feels the softness of Soonyoung’s hair when he does. Each strand moves to accommodate Wonwoo as he presses his nose there. There’s no smell but the air, but that doesn’t make Soonyoung any less real. “I’m so happy,” he says, pulling away from Wonwoo. “I know it’s silly, but I’ve lost so much… Being able to feel human for a minute… It feels really good.”

To Wonwoo, Soonyoung is absolutely stunning. It’s a shame that someone so precious had his life taken away from him. One day, Wonwoo would figure out the mysteries behind his death to help put him at ease. With less questions to ask, there might come a sense of peace. He just wants to be able to help him, like this. After experiencing death himself, seeing the men with sticks and rope, he knows true fear. In his nightmares, those men come back for him every single time and they always win. Soonyoung hasn’t talked about them, but Wonwoo knows that everyone who dies sees them. “The men with sticks and rope.” They sound like a joke or an old tale told to naughty children, but they are just as real as vampires and werewolves and ghosts. When a person dies, they are the people that greets them if they haven’t properly crossed over. Those ghosts with unfinished business who cling to the living world and all vampires meet them, and all of them wish they had never.

Someone emerges from an alleyway with a grocery bag in hand. “Are you two done flirting now?” He asks, voice beautiful and strong. His voice doesn’t match his short, stumpy stature. “I didn’t know when was a good time to approach you, but you looked to be having a moment, so I didn’t want to bother you.” The way he speaks is more formal than necessary. It doesn’t suit him, especially while he’s carrying a grocery bag and dressed in a finely tailored suit. If Wonwoo had to guess his age, then he would put him at around twenty-nine. The closer he gets to them, the surer Wonwoo gets and he also comes to a realization. This man is a ghost.

“Boo Seungkwan,” he introduces himself with a tip-of-the-hat gesture.

It should be comical, but Wonwoo is a little shell-shocked and a half-second behind. “Is that a joke?” He asks. Soonyoung elbows him in the side—(Wonwoo can _definitely_ feel that!)—to let him know that he’s being rude.

“Kwon Soonyoung and Jeon Wonwoo,” Soonyoung takes control of the conversation, reaching out to shake Seungkwan’s hand. “We’re looking for a hotel, could you help us?” Wonwoo’s glancing at his phone when Soonyoung asks and it catches him so off-guard that he ends up dropping his phone onto the concrete. The idea is probably not a very good one, but Wonwoo can’t say that in front of Seungkwan. Ghosts could be just as cunning as vampires… _Especially_ the ones who have lived longer. Wonwoo doesn’t know for sure, but from the way he speaks, he thinks that Seungkwan might be a little older than twenty-nine. Just a little.

Wonwoo fumbles for his phone, then collects it from the ground after he fails to catch it. “Wh—?” He starts to ask, but Seungkwan interrupts him by humming thoughtfully. The grocery bag swings in his hand lazily.

“There are plenty of hotels in Seoul, but I don’t see much of them. I’m usually there,” he points across the street, two building down. The neon sign blinks bright and cheap. _A tavern_ , Wonwoo purses his lips. Not everyone had the pleasure of dying in their house. Seungkwan seems to be tethered to an ancient looking tavern that promises cheap liquor and plenty of mistakes. “It is nicer on the inside,” he seems to just now notice how shabby it looks. “But I do know of a place just down the street. Sometimes I pass it when I follow the ambulances.”

Wonwoo exchanges a confused look with Soonyoung. “Ambulances?” It is Soonyoung who asks him to explain himself and Wonwoo is thankful because he’d just end up sounding condescending. There’s something about Seungkwan that unnerves Wonwoo and he bets it has everything to do with the fact that he was spying on them.

“There’s a hospital only a couple blocks away from us,” is the only explanation he offers. Then, as though he realizes that he hasn’t really cleared anything up, he adds, “I follow the ambulances in case any ghosts join my block. It gets lonely around here, believe it or not. Not a lot of ghosts come from the hospital... but there have been a couple. They usually pass on pretty fast.” Making a face, he shrugs.

“How long have you been dead?” Soonyoung asks, completely in awe. For him, this is exciting since it is his first time meeting another ghost. As long as Seungkwan remains friendly, Wonwoo doesn’t mind what he asks him.

“Let’s walk and talk,” Seungkwan ushers them further down the sidewalk, still clutching onto his bag. There’s a part of Wonwoo that wants to know what a ghost could possibly need to shop for, but he doesn’t ask. It feels rude and weird to pry into his personal life, even if he’s a ghost. To vampires, ghosts are still people just like everyone else. Soonyoung runs ahead to match his pace with Seungkwan now and Wonwoo lets him, trailing just behind them. “I’ve been dead for about forty years?” _Longer than Minki…_ Minki had been so angry at the world for still being a ghost after twenty-three years. It only took him that long to get so desperate, but Seungkwan didn’t seem so bothered. Maybe he enjoys being a ghost or maybe he’s got no clue about his unfinished business. He’s a stranger, so Wonwoo doesn’t know what his intentions are, but he’s sure that Soonyoung will ask him about it.

Except… he hopes that he doesn’t.   
It’s selfish, but Wonwoo doesn’t want Soonyoung to think about crossing over.

“I was killed in that tavern.” Now they are directly across from it. Being closer to it doesn’t make it look any better. About twenty years ago, it needed a new paint job, but instead it is faded and grey. It looks like the ghost of a building. “Some bar fight got bad enough that this guy pulled a knife. I jumped in between them thinking I’d be a hero. My mom always taught me to stand up for others and be brave, so I thought… Well, no, I didn’t think much at all. I didn’t expect to die from it, but stabbing me once wasn’t enough.” The look on Soonyoung’s face startles Seungkwan into an apology. “Sorry, I’m an oversharer. I don’t see a lot of supernaturals around this area, so when I do see one, I tend to run my mouth too much.” With his apology, Soonyoung’s expression softens.

“It was terrible, but I’m glad you told me. I can’t remember how I died. I think I hit my head?” Adorably, he tilts his head to the side and places a hand on the back of his head. “I think anyway… Damn, I can’t remember at all…”

“It happens sometimes,” Seungkwan waves his hand in the air dismissively. The way he acts is like he is an expert on all things related to ghosts. Honestly, it annoys Wonwoo, but there’s also a nagging in the back of his mind that says that that’s not the only reason that he finds Seungkwan so annoying. He owns Soonyoung’s undivided attention. “Turn here,” he abruptly makes a left turn and they are forced to follow him down a sketchy looking road. “Anyways, why are you looking for a hotel that’s all worn down? I think they’re rebuilding it all nice. The first floor is inhabitable, but only for the workers and their _lovers_.” At that, he turns to wink at Wonwoo. “I’m sure they could accommodate another couple if you slipped them a couple extra.”

“Extra what?” Soonyoung asks, still all starry-eyed and completely oblivious to the reality of the conversation.

Before Seungkwan can explain it to him, Wonwoo squeezes between them. “We aren’t looking for a room. Our friend went missing and we are trying to find him. But if you are right… Then he wouldn’t be in a building where construction was ongoing… That’s way too risky.” He starts mumbling to himself, so Soonyoung’s interest floats back to Seungkwan. It is irritating, but Wonwoo doesn’t say anything about it. If he did… What would Soonyoung think? Their relationship is a delicate one, so Wonwoo has to make sure he’s respectful of the distance between them.

While they start a new conversation, Wonwoo pulls out his map to trace the roads they were walking along with a steady finger. “Hey,” he distracts them from each other with his interruption. “I’m going to keep going straight here to check another place. Can we meet back up in front of the hotel?” _Seungkwan isn’t dangerous_ , he tries to convince himself. There are some ghosts who side with the men with sticks and rope, but Wonwoo doesn’t get that feeling from Seungkwan. Maybe he’s annoying and Wonwoo is a _little_ jealous of how interesting Soonyoung finds him, but he isn’t going to hurt him. Wonwoo should cover more ground anyway, especially while they are in the area.

And there’s Seungkwan’s hand again, waving dismissively. “Sure, sure.”

“Meet in front of the hotel! Got it,” Soonyoung smiles at Wonwoo, all cheeks and excitement. Then he turns serious, face pinching up just a bit as though he’s just smelt something bad. “Be safe.” He urges, pulling away from Seungkwan to wrap his arms around Wonwoo’s torso. Shocked, it takes Wonwoo a minute before he returns the affection. “If you think it isn’t safe to go in alone, please come back first. Mingyu’s important, but you are too.”

 _Oh_. Wonwoo’s brain goes fuzzy. Like static on a television screen. Desperately, he tries to find a signal, but all he gets is more warped colors. “Soonyoung…” He whispers into the side of his head, just above his ear. “Thank you.”

Then he acts on impulse, because he’s so used to losing everyone he knows. As he moves, he knows it isn’t the right thing to do. Seungkwan is watching them with an intense curiosity and just a minute ago, he was thinking about how he needs to respect their current relationship. _It doesn’t mean anything_. He tries to convince himself as he pulls away just enough to lower his face until it is hovering close to Soonyoung. Their noses brush and it feels like a gust of cold air brushing against Wonwoo’s skin. The sensation feels like walking in heaven. If Wonwoo closes his eyes, then he’s transported to a new plane of existence where everything is bright and soft and good. All his pain is gone. There’s no burning in the back of his throat. No Junhui. No past mistakes. Just Soonyoung and this sensation.

“Wonwoo..?” Soonyoung gazes up at him cautiously. It isn’t fear in his eyes, but there are a million questions. Anxiety makes ghosts spontaneous, but he hopes that he’s tethering Soonyoung here, in the moment. Again, their noses brush and Wonwoo watches as Soonyoung’s eyes flutter closed. With vampires and humans, it is always about hunger and flesh, but with Soonyoung, it can’t be any of that. He has nothing to offer Wonwoo except who he is in this moment and all Wonwoo can offer him in return is himself. “Is this right?” He asks, softly, eyes opening again.

Such a warm, soft brown. He’s frozen forever like this and Wonwoo can’t bear to keep hurting him, so he makes a promise to himself that he won’t anymore. “I don’t know.” It’s the truth because that’s all he wants to give him.

It isn’t Wonwoo that closes the gap between them. Instead, Soonyoung pushes up and into Wonwoo. His lips are cold and… _tingly_? He feels as though he’s just been shocked after rubbing his socks on carpet. They jump apart, Wonwoo due to surprise and Soonyoung due to embarrassment. “Keep safe.” He says again, eyes wide. There’s a plea in them that tells Wonwoo that he’s serious. He isn’t asking Wonwoo to be safe, he’s commanding him to be.

That alone makes Wonwoo’s breath catch in his throat.

☄

“He came!” Jeonghan rises from his seat only to be pushed back into it by Minhyun. “You losers.”

Even as Joshua crosses the empty space between Jeonghan and him, he knows that something dangerous might be happening. _This_ feels wrong. It feels like he’s walking right into Jeonghan’s trap. “He’s quick and clever,” Jonghyun debriefs him simply. “All he wants to do is talk to you, he says, then he’ll let Mingyu go. We have no reason not to believe him, but I don’t know what he’ll say to you. He says that Minhyun and I can’t interfere or the deal is off.” Joshua will be going in there completely alone. “We do have this window to watch your physical movements. If you think you need out, then just wave to us. Minhyun will let you out.” Intently, he’s watching the blond stay a careful distance away from Jeonghan. There’s an anxiety plaguing Jonghyun, but he doesn’t know if it has to do with him or Minhyun or both of them.

Joshua doesn’t think that Minhyun looks like their brawns. So, he’s wondering why he’ll be the one to go in to rescue him if he requests removal, but he doesn’t ask. For some reason, it feels rude. “I’m Jonghyun, but some people call me JR. It is nice to finally meet you, Joshua. I heard a lot about you while you were human.”

“Wonwoo doesn’t like to talk about me now, does he?” He asks quietly. “We fought a lot after he changed me, so our relationship has been pretty volatile.” Talking to vampires other than Wonwoo is a weird experience for Joshua. He had been told, by Wonwoo, that a majority of them were manipulative and dangerous to be around, but he doesn’t think Jonghyun is anything like that. Supposedly, he’s the leader of those who gather and live in Seoul, but he’s much more laidback than expected from a leader.

While Jonghyun doesn’t laugh, he looks like he wants to. “That’s how Wonwoo is. He stops talking about people when he fights with them. I doubt you hear much about all of the vampires, but especially Minhyun. Minhyun had very specific ways that he thought you should be cared for and Wonwoo didn’t see eye-to-eye with him.” He shakes his head. “He never talks about Junhui anymore either. That’s just how Wonwoo works. Everything stays broken with him and most of the time, he blames himself…” This is a man who has known Wonwoo for decades while Joshua has only know him for years. If anyone knows anything about Wonwoo, it is Jonghyun.

“No, I’ve… I’ve never ever heard about Minhyun. A lot of the others… he’s mentioned, but never Minhyun.” Peering through the glass, he can’t imagine how Wonwoo could hate such an elegant person, especially one Jonghyun thinks so highly of. “Then again, he tried to keep me away from other vampires. I guess this is the opposite of what he wanted, isn’t it?” Now, Minhyun’s crossing the length of the room to join Jonghyun and Joshua. That means that he’ll be replacing him in an instance. For some reason, his stomach feels like it falls through the floor. Jeonghan won’t hurt him, but he doesn’t know what he has to say. Without any regrets, he had hurt Mingyu to get to him. Was Mingyu being fed wherever he was? Did he have water? No matter what the cost, he had to see Mingyu to safety. All he wants is Mingyu to be back in his arms.

Steeling himself, he watches Minhyun closely, but not as closely as Jonghyun does. “He’s not hurt,” he breathes a sigh of relief that Joshua thinks is for his own ears only. There’s something delicate about Jonghyun that makes it seem like he could break at any second. “Minhyun,” He straightens when he exists the room, putting on a facade of professionalism that Minhyun probably admires. They are dancing around each other. Joshua can see it clearly and it makes his heart hurt because he knows how it feels to be unsure love. It has to feel worse to have been doing this for centuries. Vampire pining… That had to be an entirely new level of suffering.

“He’s terrible,” Minhyun places a hand on his hip, glancing at Joshua. “Make sure you don’t let him get in close to you. I doubt he’d hurt you, but I have _no idea_ what he wants from you. I know that’s what I was supposed to try to find out, but I tried and he gave away nothing.” Then he looks away from both of them. “Because I was in there, he wanted to talk about me… I couldn’t get him off topic no matter what I said. He’s smart. Smarter than we thought.”

Suddenly Junhui appears beside him. His approach had been so quiet that Joshua didn’t even notice him until he was right next to him. “Baekho cleared out the western and northern area. We couldn’t find him anywhere, so either Jeonghan has his own location or he’s in the east with Baekho’s pup or the south with Wonwoo. Do you want me to rejoin one of those areas?” He’s not taking orders from Baekho, but he is reporting to him. Joshua notes that he’s doing all of this for Wonwoo, but everything Wonwoo’s ever said about him was negative. There’s definitely bad blood between them, Joshua understands that, but that didn’t mean that Junhui was a bad person overall.

“No, you can help watch Joshua and Jeonghan. You know Jeonghan better than any of us. Minhyun will be here to help too. I have to go check in with everyone involved in this effort. This shouldn’t be a dangerous mission, but I can’t guarantee that.” With that, he bows his head and heads towards the hallway. Junhui gives Joshua a small, clipped smile and goes to stand beside Minhyun.

“Okay, enter whenever.” Minhyun says. “Keep your distance and mind the agreements you make with him.”

There are blood oaths that supernaturals could make. Joshua didn’t know much about them, but he thinks they are real things because the book he read about them was in Wonwoo’s possession. If a vampire wrote it, then it had to be true, so Joshua knows what to avoid. As long as the agreements are harmless and verbal, he can’t get in any trouble.

Taking a deep breath, he pushes through the door and into the dimly lit room holding Jeonghan.

☄

_He kissed me…_   
_He kissed me!_

To say Soonyoung is on the moon doesn’t even come close to how measuring his happiness. Of course, there are a lot of confusing emotions rattling around in his chest, but there’s a lot of positive ones too. Being able to feel brings him closer to humanity. When he was alive, he remembers the vivacity of emotions that are quite dull now. In particular, it is hard for him to feel passionate about anything because it all just goes through him. Sadness is his primary emotion because his whole body misses existing as it once had. He couldn’t sleep or eat or drink, but at the very least, he could see and talk and _feel_. He felt Wonwoo’s lips against his own.

“Please stop, as the younger crowd says, _geeking out_ about your fanged friend.” Seungkwan’s not really annoyed with him, but he’s feeling like a third wheel even without Wonwoo. Then, he seems to realize something very important. “That wasn’t your first kiss, was it?” He raises an eyebrow at Soonyoung skeptically.

Soonyoung hesitates for just long enough to answer Seungkwan without words.

“Alright, but that wasn’t your _first kiss ever_ , right?” It isn’t a surprising question, Soonyoung looks young. Honestly, he could be as young as seventeen, but then again, he could definitely be in his twenties. From hours staring at himself in the mirror, Soonyoung is aware of how young he looks to strangers. It has everything to do with his chubby cheeks and delicate complexion. “If it was, that’ll have to be one for the books. You die to have your first kiss with a vampire. You don’t think that’s your unfinished business, right?”

“Well, no door appeared,” Seungkwan doesn’t give Soonyoung time to answer.

“It… _was_ my first kiss ever… My life’s been kind of busy and I got really close once, or twice! But… uh…” He’s totally embarrassed by Seungkwan teasings, but he tries to change the topic to avoid more of it. “I have _no_ idea about my unfinished business. Wonwoo was going to help me, but we’ve been super busy with… vampire things.”

“Vampire things are said to get in the way a lot. They love drama, in my opinion.” He shrugs as they approach the entrance to the hotel. Because it is lunchtime, there are no workers around. Even if there were, it wouldn’t matter because they can’t see either him or Seungkwan. “Knowing your unfinished business is important though.” They stop right in front of the building to inspect it. “If you don’t, then you’ll have a lifetime of questions ahead of you.”

 _Yeah_. Soonyoung thinks that he already has that. “Do you know yours? I’m sorry if that’s a really personal question, but I don’t really know how to start figuring mine out. Maybe you could help me?” Crossing over is necessary. Having unfinished business didn’t excuse him from death. No, instead, it just kept him here awhile longer to figure things out. “Again, sorry if that’s… asking too much.”

Seungkwan looks over at him, then up towards the overcast sky. “I’m supposed to protect the same man that I protected years ago in that bar fight.” He smiles forlornly up at the sky. “It is so silly, but I guess.. I’m supposed to make sure he leads a full, happy life. It is so _silly_. He’s one of the angriest men I’ve ever met and he can’t even _see_ me. It feels impossible to make him happy, but I’m trying.” He holds up the grocery bag. “He still comes in to sing every Thursday and I make sure he has everything he needs…” Then he lowers it, not giving Soonyoung enough time to peer into it. Whatever it is, it is between Seungkwan and that man at the tavern. “I’m hoping to get back soon, so let’s head inside already, alright?”

A lifetime of unfinished business. For some reason, it makes Soonyoung feel like he’s just looked at something very private. “I don’t even know how I died… Maybe it has something to do with that?” He looks towards Seungkwan for approval after falling back into step with them as they entered the shady-looking hotel. “Or maybe it has something to do with my cousins? They meant the world to me…” He might have a role similar to Seungkwan’s. Maybe he is also supposed to protect someone for a whole lifetime. Even though it seems unlikely, Soonyoung has to entertain the idea. There’s just not much that his life consisted of before he died. He took care of Hansol and Chan, went to work, and enjoyed his few hobbies. His life wasn’t a fulfilling one, but it was far from a bad one.

 _Being dead sucks_.

“This place…” Seungkwan shakes his head as they enter. “I’m guessing the elevators don’t work, so let’s try to find a maintenance stairwell or something. I’m guessing that your friend isn’t just going to be tucked away safely in a room with windows.” He leads the way as Soonyoung follows, eyes tracing the faded green of the wall. This place might’ve seen better days, but it looks like it might collapse at any moment now. It has aged with the years, so much so that it hardly has a backbone to its structure. _If it fell on us… would we be hurt?_ Ghosts aren’t fully corporeal, so Soonyoung can’t imagine that it would, but he still finds himself wondering… If the wind blows the wrong way, then they might just find out. While he’s lost in thought, Seungkwan pulls him back. “Over here are stairs!”

They descend into the basement of the hotel, but most of it has already been renovated. It is surprisingly unlike the rest of the building. “Wow,” Soonyoung whistles, turning around to take inventory of all the cleaning supplies and construction materials left around an otherwise spotless area. “I don’t think he’ll be anywhere down here…”

“Yeah,” Seungkwan blankly comments, turning around to climb back up the stairs. “Maybe we should try upstairs?”   
So they do.

☄

Jeonghan doesn’t get up from his chair. Patiently, he waits until Joshua comes closer to him, but with every step closer, Joshua has more anxiety haunting him. _What if I mess up and Mingyu dies?_ Somehow, he’s not sure how, but somehow, he could screw this whole thing up. If Jeonghan could be cunning, then he would know how to torture someone with words alone. Mingyu did it in the courtroom frequently, so Joshua knew what cunning really looked like. Well, at least, he thought he did until he saw Yoon Jeonghan. A couple weeks ago, he had been a nurse, but now he’s way more lethal. And there was the worst part… He was _angry_.

“Hello,” he says, so unlike the person Jonghyun and Wonwoo had described. There is no expectation in his gaze, no heat behind his eyes. All he does is stand and bow politely, then he’s back to being seated. “I’m Yoon Jeonghan.”

Joshua inhales slowly, trying to will himself not to lose sight of his goal. “Where is he?” It isn’t like him to be so forceful and forward, but he doesn’t feel like small talk or introductions. He wants to know where Mingyu is and how to get him back. That’s the only thing he wants: to get Mingyu back to him safely. In response to him, Jeonghan makes a face, then brushes his hair away from his face.

“Safe, unharmed,” he supplies. “I was hoping we could talk about something else for now, then we can talk about him later. He’s safe, I can promise that. I know you are worried about him, but _he_ attacked _me._ I had no other option but to subdue him when he was threatening me.” This is news to Joshua, but it isn’t surprising. After hearing about Seungcheol’s visit, he must’ve tried to take matters into his own hands. _Of course it was that simple._

Apologizing for him won’t fix anything because Jeonghan had wanted Joshua all along. From the beginning, it had been about him, but none of them had understood why. Now, he might be able to figure it out. “Okay, okay.” Joshua takes a deep breath, then exhales slowly.”I’m sorry. What do you want to talk about?” He’s already starting to understand the game, if Jeonghan didn’t want to talk about Mingyu, then he wouldn’t talk about him. As long as he followed Jeonghan’s lead and answered his questions, he’d be able to rescue Mingyu.

Seemingly comforted by Joshua’s words, Jeonghan leans back in his seat. “I wanna talk about us.” He says. “You and I… we’re similar. Neither of us asked for this life, but it was given to us, eternally. I want to _destroy_ them. Vampires shouldn’t have the power to play God like they do. I want to divide them and conquer. My humanity had been ripped away from me and I don’t want to keep living like this. I’m hidden away from the population because I’m a risk to both humans and vampires, but I never asked to be. I don’t want to live forever.” There’s an openness on his face that reminds Joshua of his own feelings. Remorsefully, Jeonghan glances down at the floor, then over towards the window. “They think I’m a risk even to _you_. I didn’t even want to hurt Mingyu, but no one listens to me. I feel like they’ve turned me on, but put me on mute.” It feels like he’s being honest but Jonghyun’s words ring in the back of his mind. He should be wary of Jeonghan. What he is saying might not be the truth.

Still, Joshua feels like it is.

“I feel the same way,” Joshua leans forward, but makes sure to maintain his distance. “I don’t think that we need to conquer them or gain control of them in any way though. They’ll come to accept us. We _are_ a risk right now. I saw a human the other day and I was going to kill her. Sometimes, I’ll sit and listen to the neighbors because I can feel their heartbeats from a mile away.” Just thinking about it makes his throat burn, but he knows better than to try anything other than sympathizing with him. The pain he is experiencing is familiar, but the way he wants to deal with it is not the same as Jeonghan. “I don’t want them to treat me like a child. Wonwoo won’t even let me meet with other vampires because he’s scared of the influence they’ll have on me.”

Dismissively, Jeonghan snorts. “You _need_ blood, you know? Wonwoo is poisoning you. There are ways to drink warm, fresh human blood without killing. Junhui does it. He takes donors and drains them every now and then. It doesn’t kill them. He knows how to revive them and get them back to full health. He especially has to do that because there is only so many people he can hire before the whole world knows about vampires.” He rolls his eyes. “It isn’t foolproof because it hurts people, but it doesn’t _kill_ them. Wonwoo even drinks blood that way.”

“What?” Joshua blinks. Something so torturous and disgusting as draining people’s blood makes Joshua’s stomach turn. To think that Wonwoo is accepting of such abuse makes Joshua feel cold all over. “Wonwoo hasn’t been… He only drinks from… the bagged blood…” Except, Joshua can’t remember Wonwoo drinking any yesterday or this morning. Even in his anxious state, Joshua had needed to drink some to stop feeling so sick. Usually, he doesn’t get it on his own. Every morning, Wonwoo brings it out for him while Soonyoung is drinking. _Did he today?_

It is as though Jeonghan can see his words undoing Joshua already. “Think about how he was when he got home from visiting Junhui. Confident. Calm. You know how going without even the bagged shit makes you feel. It might be the worst tasting blood in the whole world, but you two can’t stand going without it.” Just like that, he’s gotten into Joshua’s head. No real attempt had to be made because his weaknesses were written on his face. “If Wonwoo is okay with drinking blood like Junhui is, doesn’t that just mean that they are the same? Except, Junhui doesn’t lie about it. _You_ are being played by Wonwoo. He’s trying to raise you into a bloodless vampire, but your body is starved of it. When we die, everything reverses and tries to restart, but it all fails. We are broken machines, Joshua!”

The longer he goes on, the more dramatic he gets. By now, he’s standing atop his chair while holding his fist up in the air. Joshua doesn’t know what to think, but he knows that a lot of what Jeonghan says makes sense. Just, he can’t believe that Wonwoo would lie to him and drink blood behind their backs. He had been clean for a century and he threw it all away on… What? A whim? “Can I ask Junhui about it?” Joshua’s voice shakes as he asks. His doubt is evident in the way he hunches in on himself.

“Sure,” Jeonghan shrugs, then signals towards the glass.

It takes longer than it shoulder, but finally the door opens. “What?” Minhyun snaps, gaze serious and intent. There’s no semblance of trust established between them, clearly, but Joshua thinks that it has everything to do with Jeonghan opposing Jonghyun so openly. Anyone in opposition of Jonghyun is immediately Minhyun’s enemy. That’s the way love worked for Minhyun, Joshua guessed.

“Bring Junhui here for a second, please.” There’s nothing but politeness in his tone when he asks, but Minhyun still turns back sharply and calls for Junhui. When Junhui replaces him, his expression is warmer. To Joshua, Junhui is no more than the man who ruined both Wonwoo and Jeonghan, but he knows that there is so much more to him. His hands are shaking, but he tries to focus on Junhui’s footfalls. He counts them. It takes fifteen steps until he’s within arm’s reach of them. “Hi,” Jeonghan smiles at Junhui gently. “Tell the truth when I ask you this, okay?”

Hesitation plays openly on Junhui’s face before he goes expressionless. “Okay.”

“Wonwoo accepted the glass you offered him when he came to visit?” As soon as the question is out in the open, Junhui glances towards Joshua. There’s already an answer on his face. Joshua doesn’t need to know Junhui to know that the answer is yes. It makes Joshua feel sick. Involuntarily, he gags and bends over. Jeonghan glances between Joshua and Junhui, then shrugs. “ Hm… That’s all!” He dismisses him, shooing him away. “See?”

Except, Joshua doesn’t want to see, so he stays curled up in on himself, listening as Junhui leaves. Fifteen steps.

“All I’m asking is that you think about it. I’ll give you Mingyu now, but you give me an answer in a week, deal?” Growing brave, Jeonghan closes the gap between them and grabs Joshua face in his hands. This forces Joshua to look at him, but his stomach is still rolling uncomfortably. The deal seems hasty. It could be dangerous, but Joshua doesn’t want to lose Mingyu. He doesn’t want to risk anything, especially not Mingyu. If all the agreement is about is Joshua turning rocks over in his mind, then he will. He nods, trying to wrestle himself out of Jeonghan’s hold.

When he breaks it, Jeonghan smirks. “Then we’ll meet again in a week.” The agreement is made, but it is just words.

“Where is Mingyu?” Desperation claws at him as he looks to Jeonghan imploringly. Maybe Jeonghan got everything he wanted out of this conversation, but Joshua still felt empty and lost. “You promised. Where is he?”

Leaning back in his seat, Jeonghan starts to tie his hair up. “Wonwoo’s part of the south, right? Then he’ll be finding him soon enough… That Baekho isn’t an idiot at all. I harshly misjudged him.” He shrugs. “Well, it was nice to meet you and I look forward to meeting with you again. I hope next time they let us out of the playpen.” With that, he rises easily out of his seat and heads towards the exit. When Joshua doesn’t follow right after him, Minhyun rushes in to check on him.

“Just tell me when you find Mingyu,” Joshua says, feeling quite sorry for himself as he clambors to the floor, laying his forehead on the cold linoleum. It isn’t comforting in the slightest, but he hopes that it might start to feel that way.  

☄

Seungcheol’s standing at the fucking _entrance_. “Hey,” with a casual tone, he lets Wonwoo pass him and enter the ancient swimming pool. “I was wondering if anyone was going to even show up.” He laughs, but Wonwoo is on a mission. If Seungcheol is here, then that means that Mingyu is too. All of this was just a big joke orchestrated by Jeonghan. It makes so much sense… all along, all he had really wanted was to get Joshua alone. That thought alone made Wonwoo furious. From the beginning, he had known, but once Mingyu was kidnapped, he couldn’t just stand around and wait for Jeonghan to give him back. Vampires didn’t have the same regard for life as humans did.

Humans need to be corrupted. Vampires already are.

If Jeonghan hadn’t been given what he wanted, then he could have just killed Mingyu. It wouldn’t have been smart, but it would have been a common power play made by thoughtless newborns. Even the smartest of them fumble when it comes to negative emotions, especially frustration. “Fuck you,” Wonwoo says, letting Seungcheol guide him into what once was a changing room. Now, all the tiles are cracked and crumbling. This place would take a lot of renovating before it would ever be as it once was. Honestly, if anyone bought it, they should just bulldoze it. It’s just a hazardous mess. Wonwoo doesn’t trust the structure to hold up much longer, especially since there are already holes in the ceiling. Rainwater collects at the bottom of the pool, a sad replacement for the bright cerulean, chlorinated water that people relate to swimming pools.

“I can’t believe you’re taking orders now.” Wonwoo finds himself sneering at Seungcheol. Their relationship had always been somewhat strained, but never were they at each other’s throat. Never did they stand on such opposing sides. To think that Seungcheol would stoop as low as to kidnap a werewolf just to have insurance on a meeting that doesn’t even involve him. Times have surely changed because there seemed to be a new boss in town pulling all the strings and telling everyone when to do what. “Just get me to Mingyu. If he’s hurt, I’ll rip your head off.”

Seungcheol rolls his eyes as though Wonwoo is behaving childishly. Obnoxiously, he claps his hand against Wonwoo’s shoulder and laughs. “You were always the dramatic one, weren’t you?” He shakes his head, not waiting for Wonwoo’s answer as he goes ahead to unlock the cage Mingyu is being held in. It is large enough to hold a fully transformed werewolf, but that doesn’t make it okay to hold a human in it. This is the first time that Wonwoo thinks that Mingyu looks _small_. He’s curled in on himself at the farthest corner of the cage, but he doesn’t appear to be in pain. The smell troubles Wonwoo though. _Werewolf blood…_ He scrunches up his nose, resisting the urge to pinch it. “We let him have bathroom breaks, so he should be fairly clean.” Seungcheol notices the face he’s making, but he knows that Seungcheol can smell it too. Years ago, Seungcheol had been in the war were thousands of werewolves were slaughtered. There’s no way he’s mistaking that smell for feces or urine. It’s metallic and _sour_.

“Mingyu,” Wonwoo croaks, holding himself back from trying to bend the bars to the cage himself. The task itself is impossible because the bars are reinforced to keep _werewolves_ in, so he wouldn’t be able to break into the cage no matter how hard he tried. “Are you okay?” Seungcheol is pulling the chain off of the door, but Wonwoo can’t wait any longer to check on him. Werewolves heal faster than humans, but that didn’t mean that they couldn’t be hurt. When Mingyu doesn’t respond to him, Wonwoo turns on Seungcheol. “ _What did you do to him_?” His tone raises in anger. “Didn’t you think to _check_ on him? How long has he been like this? Huh? _Huh_?”

His hands shake as he tries to swallow the feeling of dread pulsing throughout his whole body. Seungcheol is starting to look anxious too. “I _did_ check on him. He was… _like that_! Jeonghan knocked him out, but I figured he’d just get back up eventually!” Clearly bothered by this turn of events, he starts to pace, running his fingers through his hair. “What do I do? What do _we_ do?” He’s a leader by nature, but sometimes even the greatest leaders don’t know what to do. As he’s questioning his actions, Wonwoo rushes into the cage to check Mingyu’s vitals. He’s used to taking care of corpses, but if Mingyu needed him, then he could try to remember ancient teachings.

“What _you_ do is call Junhui. We need a doctor to examine him and make sure he isn’t suffering from fucking _head trauma_ or some wild sickness that he’s caught in this _disgusting_ place. When you transported him here, you _knew_ he was bleeding, but you didn’t want to check him. Isn’t that right?” Moving Mingyu takes a lot of strength because even though he looks small, he’s not. His limbs are long and his body tough. Because he doesn’t know how injured he is, he moves him just enough to check his heartbeat and to make sure his breathing looks good. From behind him, he can hear Seungcheol give their location to Junhui. He can’t focus solely on that though. _No_ , he shakes his head, running two shaky fingers down the length of his arm to his wrist. There’s a thrumming there, light and heavy at the same time. He moves his fingers to his neck next to try to count his pulse and determine his heart rate. The only oddity is that werewolves had different functions than humans. Their bodies grow stronger to support the transformations that happen every month. Wonwoo isn’t sure what pace his heart should be going at, but he tries to figure it out based off what he knows of humans.

Definitely, he’s still alive and breathing, but he doesn’t know how to evaluate his injuries properly or give him the help that he needs. Years of experience and teachings should have prepared him for this moment, but his mind just feels like a blank slate when he looks at Mingyu’s trembling body. Plus, he didn’t know what he needed from him. Humans and werewolves are too different for him to just assume he knows what he’s doing.

“Junhui’s on his way,” Seungcheol says breathily. It is the anxiety and adrenaline in his body burning up his lungs. Wonwoo can feel it too. “He says to just evaluate his injuries to the best of your abilities.” What Junhui wants him to do is obvious. He could have predicted it, but instead of following those commands, he just sits there.

 _I can’t_ …

 _I have no idea what to do…_ Carefully, with those same shaking hands, Wonwoo examines Mingyu’s body for the source of the bleeding. There’s drying blood on the floor near his upper body, so he starts there. His back and neck look fine, so he dances his fingers up to his hair, pushing aside soaked strands to try to find the root of the problem. Immediately, his fingers burn wildly as though they’ve been lit on fire. He pulls away and his hands are covered in Mingyu’s blood and it _stings_. “Water,” he calls, but the acid in his blood is already eating through the layers of his skin. Werewolf blood, even if not directly from a transformed one, is highly toxic to vampires. Most vampires are scared of werewolves so much that they become hostile towards them. When transformed, they were so much stronger than vampires, but in their human form, they were just somewhat dangerous to them. All of the danger existed within their toxic blood. Especially because if their blood is ingested by a vampire, the vampire could _die_.

Just as commanded, Seungcheol brings him the water and pours it over Wonwoo’s hands. It soothes his skin, but there’s still a deep ache that makes it hard for Wonwoo to breathe. “He has a laceration on the back of his head. I don’t know how deep it is, but it is still damp. I don’t think it is actively bleeding still, but I can’t touch him without gloves.” Seungcheol looks like he doesn’t know what to do. Definitely, he doesn’t want to help Mingyu, but he can’t just cast Wonwoo aside right now. Since he doesn’t know what to do, he just watches as Wonwoo tries to maneuver without using his hands. Luckily for him, Wonwoo’s brain still works, so he doesn’t have to just stand around. “Hey,” he winces, trying not to move unnecessarily. “Go get my roommate. He’s down the street with another ghost. At the old hotel.” Trying to breathe and talk becomes hard. “He needs to know why I’m late.”

There’s a moment of hesitance and in that moment, Wonwoo thinks Seungcheol is going to tell him not to boss him around, but then he’s leaving without a word. All Wonwoo has to do is wait for everyone to get there, then Mingyu could get the help that he needed. Waiting sounds easier than it feels though, especially when Wonwoo’s head feels so heavy. The acid in Mingyu’s skin is singing throughout his body, poisoning him in the smallest dose possible. He feels feverish and faint, the world seems backwards and upside down. In an instance, he’s on his back, staring up at the broken ceiling while light filters in and blinds him.

 

six **.**

Wonwoo is back at home, but he doesn’t remember how he got there.

“Hey...” Soonyoung’s perched towards the foot of his bed, sitting cross-legged. “Junhui brought you back here on his way to the hospital. Since you only touched the blood, it shouldn’t have any aftereffects on you.” He doesn’t help jog Wonwoo’s memory, but he is thankful to hear he’ll be alright. _Hospital_ rings through his head, but he doesn’t know why he was with Junhui or why they were heading towards the hospital. Staring up at his ceiling doesn’t give him any answers, so he turns to Soonyoung, eyes soft as he traces the worried lines of his face. “I’m so glad you are okay.” Before he can ask him anything, Soonyoung is sighing in relief.

He undoes Wonwoo completely. “Come here,” he whispers, itching for some sort of contact between them. His questions all die on his tongue when he can clearly see how he’s worried Soonyoung. For just a moment, they can take the backseat to comfort. Wonwoo thinks he needs that too. So, with his permission, Soonyoung crawls across the ocean of blankets and sheets until he’s able to wrap his arms around Wonwoo’s shoulders. There’s barely any weight to his body, so when Wonwoo holds him, it feels like holding something fragile. Words don’t exist in the space between their bodies, which might be infinite. If Wonwoo never had to let him go, it would be too soon.

Because the world can’t pause for them, the moment dissipates. Soonyoung moves away from him and crosses his legs again. “Junhui called an hour ago to say that Mingyu’s okay, but he’s not awake yet. We can go over whenever since Joshua is there…” Shyly, he toys with the sleeves of his sweater. It is a simple indication of what _Soonyoung_ wants: to see Mingyu and Joshua to check up on them. And as Wonwoo is sitting up, it dawns on him. All his memories are there as though they’ve always been. Absentmindedly, he peers down at his hands to find them clean. Junhui must’ve hastily tended to him before transporting Mingyu to the hospital. He can’t help but to wonder where Seungcheol is. Apparently he had gotten to Soonyoung somehow, but what happened after that? Surely Soonyoung would be able to fill in his missing pieces, but he doesn’t want to ask him. Just the memory of Mingyu’s broken body makes his brow furrow and his chest feel tight. There are some things that a person doesn’t need to know.

Wonwoo doesn’t need to know Soonyoung’s pain.

“Well, what’re we waiting for then?” Easily, Wonwoo climbs off the bed. Vampires recover in hours rather than days, so already, Wonwoo feels healed. Aside from his fractured memories, there’s no proof that he had been injured. “Let me get changed, okay?” His feet hit the carpet and he glances over to Soonyoung who nods faithfully.

But he doesn’t move from his bed. Even as Wonwoo moves over to his closet, Soonyoung still just stays there, eyes not _exactly_ watching him. Already, Wonwoo feels naked, even without shedding any clothes. “Are you sure you are okay to move around?” Soonyoung asks, picking at the thread of his sweater. Clothes that he’ll wear forever because ghosts don’t get the same freedom as the other supernaturals. Werewolves were still alive and only crossed over to the supernatural world once a month. Vampires were dead, but their bodies functioned still. Ghosts lived in between realities and were impossible to understand. Apparently, they could feel, but they couldn’t ever change out of the clothes they died in. Nothing about them was permanent. Visually, they were just a trick of the light.

Those thoughts would never benefit anyone. “Yeah,” he nods. “Vampires and werewolves recover much faster than humans. I only need a couple of hours rest before I’m better while Mingyu will be about the same.” He hopes that he’s reassuring with his words. Right now, Soonyoung needs comforting words.

Thoughtfully, Soonyoung hums. His whole presence is distracting, but Wonwoo has to get changed. Even without turning around, he knows that Soonyoung is watching him. With a deep breath, he reaches for the hem of his shirt and from across the room, he hears Soonyoung’s breath hitch in what he hopes is anticipation. It is incredibly human of him and Wonwoo feels very fond towards that small intake. So, slowly, he rakes his shirt up his chest, focusing on the way the silky material feels when it caresses his skin. Sex, for vampires, is a way to hunt, but touch… Touch  is inexplicably intimate. Just the feeling of skin, fabric, wind, produces a type of pleasure that is lost to them otherwise.

Discarding his shirt, he turns to face Soonyoung to confirm that he’s watching him. His expression is delicate, but intense. There’s expectancy in the air, but it is entirely different from sexual tension. The heaviness threatens to crush both of them, but Soonyoung just climbs to the end of the bed and his eyes flutter to half-mast. “Come here.” His voice is commanding, but it doesn’t shake Wonwoo. Carefully, he takes deliberate steps towards Soonyoung.

It takes two steps before Soonyoung is climbing onto his knees to reach Wonwoo’s height. All of this is inevitable. Wonwoo can feel it in the air, can remember it in the way Soonyoung had avoided him in the kitchen, can still taste it from the kiss last night. Seeking hands run across his chest and he shivers. Wherever Soonyoung touches, goosebumps appear. There’s an impossible coldness in his fingertips, but Wonwoo doesn’t mind it. He steps closer, letting Soonyoung’s hands explore. Within Soonyoung’s gaze is an innocence that Wonwoo’s only seen in other people right before he’s ruined it. “Hey,” Wonwoo urges.

Obediently, Soonyoung looks up at him with that same innocence and Wonwoo’s knees lock like he’s years old, not decades. It isn’t Wonwoo who moves this time either, even though he wants to. With neediness, Soonyoung pulls Wonwoo back onto the bed and lets their mouths meet again. A lot of emotion sits in Soonyoung. Wonwoo finds it hard to sift through them because he’s so human. The way Soonyoung reacts to him is foreign to Wonwoo. Even when he was alive, he never had this type of intimacy with another person. The people he met with before Junhui had never touched him with Soonyoung’s gentleness. Greedy, hungry people had sunk their teeth into him until he unlearned the gentleness of love. Junhui’s love was too complicated for him to understand. It felt just as painful as everything else he had experienced with Junhui.

The way Soonyoung kisses him is methodical. His touch keeps Wonwoo grounded in the moment and it gives Soonyoung control over this. Barely, he pulls away and Wonwoo can feel his breath slide against his skin. Just that simple sensation is enough to make Wonwoo feel overstimulated in the moment. He’s supposed to be getting dressed to see Mingyu and Joshua, but Soonyoung is acting as an anchor, tethering him to the bed. His hands promise that Mingyu can wait, even though, just a minute ago, he seemed desperate to check on them. “ _You_ ,” Soonyoung sighs.

Then he’s back to kissing him, hands roaming down Wonwoo’s chest. “Me?” Wonwoo laughs against his lips. “What about me, huh?” Being with Soonyoung like this is a type of happiness that he’s never been allowed to have before.

“Just… I don’t know…” If ghosts could blush, then Soonyoung would be a brilliant shade of red. “ _You_ … Being with you is a little… _overwhelming_.” _Overwhelming_. It sounds like a bad thing, but before Wonwoo can say so, Soonyoung is pulling him back down, hands still curious. Their lips brush and Wonwoo loses his mind. “I never want to stop kissing you.” Soonyoung whispers, pressing fleeting kisses against his lips. These small pecks slow until their movements become languid and precise. Tongue meets teeth, successfully distracting Wonwoo from Soonyoung’s hands. The way Soonyoung tastes is peculiar because he shouldn’t have a taste yet he’s undeniably sweet. He tastes like the spring air. It makes Wonwoo long for a piece of humanity he didn’t think he missed.

“Soonyoung.” It is a warning. Wonwoo’s voice is level, even though his whole body is shaking.

The sound of their breathing fills up the room. Hardly nothing’s happened between them, but to Wonwoo, it feels like so much. Soonyoung’s hands are hovering now, uncertainty creeping into his touch. “I want to touch you.” His voice is barely audible. Wonwoo might’ve imagined it. _Sex_ is impossible for Soonyoung and he must know it, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t pleasure Wonwoo. Because he definitely could if he tried, but things are moving too fast. Somehow, this all feels wrong.

Slowly, Wonwoo leans down to kiss Soonyoung, but this time it is chaste. No heat urges him on. Just a simple kiss, then he’s pulling away, taking his pants off so he can change. “We have time, Soonyoung.” It isn’t a rejection, but Wonwoo knows that it probably feels that way, to Soonyoung. “Let’s not rush it.” Wonwoo can’t look over at him because he’s scared that he’s hurting him by not giving in. He feels like he’s saying too much, but not enough at the same time. Words rush out because that’s what they have to do. “We can’t keep Joshua and Mingyu waiting…”

“It’s okay,” Soonyoung says, reaching out to slide his fingers down the back of Wonwoo’s arm. His touch gives Wonwoo enough courage to look at him, but Soonyoung’s not facing him. His gaze is fixed on the bed awkwardly. There’s a storm crossing over him. Suddenly, he’s not really here, but he’s not that far away either. Just a penny couldn’t ever pay for whatever his thoughts are right now. “You’re right.” Then he’s gone, leaving Wonwoo to dress alone.

☄

As soon as Wonwoo gets off the elevator, he can hear Joshua’s voice. It is an unusual encounter to hear Joshua raise his voice. In the years that Wonwoo has known him, he has only spoken in quiet, collected phrases. Anger isn’t worn well by Joshua, especially because his anger is quiet too. Soonyoung looks over at Wonwoo, clearly surprised to hear him yelling. Just outside Mingyu’s room, Baekho stands with his arms crossed. “You don’t wanna go in there anytime soon.” He warns as they approach. “They’ve been at it ever since Mingyu woke up. A minute of happiness for an hour of anger.” Rolling his eyes, he pushes off the wall. “I suppose I’m going to head back. Guanlin is in the lobby waiting for me to finish here.” _Guanlin_ , even if Wonwoo hasn’t met him, he knows that that’s Baekho’s pup. He hardly gives him a second thought, especially when Baekho leans in close to him. “Watch out, Jeon Wonwoo. I think you should fear a coup.”

“Huh…?” Soonyoung tips his head to the side, confused by the seemingly harmless word.

Baekho doesn’t offer an explanation either. Once he’s delivered the news to Wonwoo, he heads towards the elevator, not even bothering to say goodbye to Joshua or Mingyu. Werewolves learn to be solitary because they don’t think that they can handle sharing their life with humans. When Wonwoo met Baekho, he had been seventeen and angry. If Jonghyun hadn’t been standing beside him, then Wonwoo would have died. Seventeen years old and already, he was trying to make deals with the vampires to save his pack. That had been the first time he had met up with the Older Ones for decades. Jonghyun had urged every vampire he knew to come so they would understand the pact. It was his first act of betrayal as their leader, or at least, that’s what everyone thought. Wonwoo remembered standing in that room, right next to Jonghyun, and staring at the faces of a thousand vampires who felt threatened by the mere mention of werewolves being able to live alongside them. In that moment, Wonwoo felt respect for a leader who he didn’t accept as his own. It was the first move towards his idealized future. For once, it seemed possible.

Years later and the peace between vampires and werewolves in major parts of South Korea is retained. Newborn vampires end up being the ones pigeon-holding Jonghyun from carving his own future.

“He thinks Jeonghan is going to go after Jonghyun next.” Wonwoo quickly informs Soonyoung before entering Mingyu’s room. All he wants to do is see Mingyu recovering, no complications. Even if he wanted nothing to do with Junhui, he had to admit that Junhui is the only person he would trust taking care of Mingyu. Anyone else would have left him to rot in that abandoned building, but Junhui couldn’t live with Wonwoo’s grief if Mingyu had died.

“— _protecting_ me? You think that that _suicide_ mission was doing _anything_ to—” As soon as Joshua’s gaze finds Wonwoo’s, he bites his tongue, but his anger doesn’t dissipate. If anything, he grows angrier by Wonwoo’s entrance.

However, Mingyu has the opposite reaction. His heated, focused expression turns happy. “Wonwoo! Soonyoung!” He’s already sitting up, but he jerks forward, seemingly wanting to meet them halfway. When he moves, the damage is obvious by the way he clutches his head. “The pain is pretty bad, but the injury wasn’t. Junhui said that with medication, I’ll make a full recovery!” The news itself has Mingyu happy, but Joshua can’t even relax. He wonders if they had a happy reunion or if Joshua had prepared what he wanted to say while Mingyu was resting. Wonwoo desperately hopes that Joshua remembered to take care of him. Even if he didn’t though, Wonwoo’s ready to be forgiven by Mingyu. He takes a step forward, but Joshua slams his hand against him. Immediately, all the smiles disappear. From the corner of his eye, he watches Soonyoung make his way to Mingyu.

“Get the _fuck_ out of here.” Never would Wonwoo describe Joshua as threatening, but this wasn’t a Joshua he knew.

Confused, Wonwoo takes a step back. As a sign of surrender, he raises both hands, only moving slowly. “Why—?”

“I thought I wouldn’t ever be disappointed by you anymore than I was when you changed me, but to find out that you’re a liar?” Joshua rolls his eyes. “You think you can just pretend around all of us?” He’s not making any sense, but if he had just been talking to Jeonghan, then he could have been fed any sort of lie to create tension.

“What’s happened, Joshua?” Soonyoung feels brave enough to step in. From across the room, his gaze catches Wonwoo and there’s a resolve there that promises protection. Wonwoo doesn’t know if he deserves the types of feelings that Soonyoung has for him, but he wants to deserve them. “We got Mingyu back safely, but instead of being happy, you’re angry? That doesn’t make any sense.” He wavers, looking towards Joshua for answers.

Again, he rolls his eyes as though everyone else is being dramatic, not him. “They don’t know? You didn’t tell Soonyoung?” With a laugh, he looks away from Wonwoo to give Soonyoung his answer. “So, when he visited Junhui, he decided that drinking blood wasn’t so bad because it wasn’t killing anyone. Which, I can see… I can understand that. What I can’t understand is you being okay with how Junhui tortures blood donors by draining them, saving them, then draining them some more until they couldn’t possibly survive another round. How…” He’s shaking at this point, visibly shaking, and because Wonwoo has nothing to say for himself, he can’t look away from Joshua. When he accepted that glass from Junhui, he had known where that blood came from. For years, he had been acquiring blood the same way, especially when he stopped hunting. “I don’t know how you could be okay with that, Wonwoo. It doesn’t make any sense. I tried to believe it was a lie, but it isn’t. It _can’t_ be. You threw all of it away for one glass.” When he laughs, it sounds dissonant and strangled. Wonwoo feels three pairs of eyes on him.

When he doesn’t answer right away, Soonyoung speaks up. “Wonwoo?”

He’s backed into a corner and he knows it. There’s nothing he can say to save himself, but he doesn’t know if he wants to lie to the people he cares about the most in the world. “I did,” he says, like this is a confessional. “I did and there’s nothing else I can say. I’m sorry I did it, but I did do it.” Jeonghan had so easily betrayed Junhui and him. To what lengths would he go to obtain Joshua’s trust? Wonwoo didn’t want to know the answer, maybe that’s why he so easily told the truth. If he’s loses Joshua, then there’s no point anymore. The reason why he had turned Joshua into a vampire was because he was Wonwoo’s family. This isn’t a fight that he can let Jeonghan win.

“So, get out.” Joshua doesn’t look pleased with himself for getting the truth from Wonwoo. Actually, he just looks angried. Maybe Wonwoo’s made the wrong choice. For once, being honest doesn’t get the desired effect. “You try to force your beliefs on me, but you don’t even follow them yourself.” It isn’t like that, but that’s how Jeonghan’s warped it to be. If Wonwoo could go back in time to erase the damage, he would. Drinking from that cup had been so pointless. He had been giving in to his thirst while forcing Joshua to live as he wanted to.

He had been too weak. It wasn’t just a disappointment to them. He was disappointed in himself too.

Before Joshua has to tell him again, he turns on his heel to head back through the door. Mingyu’s safe, so he doesn’t have to worry about that. At the very least, they could end up being a family together. His hand touches the doorknob when Mingyu’s voice reaches out to him. It is the first time he’s heard his kindness in weeks. His words break his heart like it’s made of glass. “It’s okay, Wonwoo. One moment of weakness doesn’t change you.”

That’s how Wonwoo will try to reassure himself.   
When he looks towards Soonyoung, Soonyoung turns his gaze to the window. _He_ shatters like he’s made of glass.

☄

The tears hit before the door closes.

“Joshua,” Mingyu says quietly, levelly. Soonyoung’s never heard him sound so calm. “Go for a bit. We’ll pick up the _conversation_ when you feel ready.” Distance doesn’t exist between them, but Soonyoung notices that these recent events have driven a wedge between. They threaten each other with leaving, but neither of them want to actually leave. However, Joshua is a different person since talking to Jeonghan. Even his movements are different, but Soonyoung doesn’t know how he’s changed. Clearly, there’s anger, but something else has crawled underneath his skin to make him act this way. _What did Jeonghan say to him…?_ Soonyoung can’t help but to wonder. Mingyu probably has the same question, but he sees that he won’t get anywhere with Joshua’s vindictive attitude.

As though winning an argument was all Joshua wanted, he listens to Mingyu. Without any urging, he gets up and heads towards the door. Right before opening the door, he pauses. When he speaks, his voice is quiet. “He can’t try to be my Junhui.” Then he’s leaving with the wrong impression about Wonwoo’s intentions. Soonyoung wants to scream at him, to explain to him that it hasn’t ever been like that, but he can’t find his voice between his tears.

After Joshua’s left, Mingyu turns to Soonyoung. He seems to be giving everyone exactly what they need in this moment. Wonwoo needed forgiveness, Joshua needed to be alone, and Soonyoung needs a friend. They’ve never been on the best terms, but Mingyu has never been hostile towards Soonyoung. Their friendship isn’t a close one, but Soonyoung needs him now and Mingyu can see that. “I’ve known Wonwoo for three years and not once, in those three years, did he ever drink blood that he didn’t get from the hospital. He actually has been there for the donation process. It is incredibly risky, but he trusts himself. If he drank blood, then don’t just believe he did it blindly.”

His words make sense, but Soonyoung’s chest still stutters as he tries to breathe and cry at the same time. It feels so real, even though he knows that his body can’t produce tears anymore. His tears aren’t real, but he still feels them sliding down his cheeks. Existing like this, he can’t understand it, but he tries to cope. _Undead_ , he shakes his head. Now isn’t the time for him to be struggling with reality. The reality is that all his friends are hurting and he has no idea how to make any of it better.

“Even if he did it without thinking, without a purpose, you shouldn’t hate him for it. What is one glass when he’s went _a century_ without any blood? He only started drinking bagged blood because I presented the idea to him.” After all the fighting, it is easier for Mingyu to forgive Wonwoo. Wonwoo had been the one to save him, but Soonyoung could tell it was more than that with him. He’s genuinely standing up for Wonwoo, just like Soonyoung should have. “Joshua is resentful and angry. Living a life he never asked for… None of us did, but he acts like he’s the only one who didn’t have a say in it. Wonwoo’s trying to protect him, but he saw those other vampires and he couldn’t see it that way. All he saw was vampires living a lot more peacefully than Wonwoo… The only reason Wonwoo struggles so much is because he’s constantly in pain. Those others, even Jonghyun, they don’t feel that pain because whenever it surfaces, they kill and drink to feel immediate relief.”

Vampires are complicated creatures that Soonyoung will never fully understand. Killing makes them feel painless and _happy_. The parallels to serial killers can be made so easily, but he can’t see Wonwoo that way. He’s only known him for little over a month, but he still has seen him every day. Wonwoo’s not a monster or a murderer, but just the thought of Junhui torturing humans to get blood from them is enough to make Soonyoung feel sick. Wonwoo had known how Junhui acquired his blood and he had willingly consumed it… When Joshua brought it up, he didn’t even try to argue the fact. When did he plan on ever telling them? Is lying just second nature to Wonwoo?

There’s a seed of doubt, but nothing to water it. Soonyoung doesn’t necessarily feel betrayed, but he does feel disappointed. Questions rise to the forefront of his mind, but the answers are unclear. The only way he’ll come to understand Wonwoo is if he tries. Turning his back on him now would never fix anything. So, even though they are dry, Soonyoung wipes at his cheeks. The pressure behind his eyes is still there, making him feel undone, but Mingyu is making too much sense for Soonyoung to disregard his words. “Thanks,” he mumbles, still scrubbing at his face.

Gently, Mingyu reaches out to stop Soonyoung. “He’s complicated, but getting to know him is worth it. I have my own problems with him, but he’d never betray his friends.” Letting go of Soonyoung’s arm, Mingyu turns towards a tray of food that Soonyoung hadn’t even noticed. “We’re all he has.” Mingyu says to his rice. It feels like he’s trying to remind himself rather than Soonyoung.

The whole room goes silent, aside from the sounds of Mingyu pushing around his food. There are four bowls on his tray, but Soonyoung doesn’t care about their contents. If he looks, then he’ll just feel the deep rumble of hunger without being able to fill it. His body is still a mystery to him, especially when he can still feel so much, but he’s nowhere near human. Still, though, he stays there to watch Mingyu as he piles food onto his spoon to feed himself. Watching him is, in a weird way, calming for Soonyoung. It reminds him of times when he could eat, and he definitely ate enough for his short lifetime.

Still though, there’s something that bothers him about the silence. Soonyoung knows that he should just let Mingyu eat in silence, but he doesn’t know where he would go if he left. Staying with Mingyu seems like the best idea. Maybe that’s why he opens his big mouth to tattle on himself. All he knows is that as soon as the words are out of his mouth, Mingyu is choking. “What?” He yells between his sputters. “Say that again. Say it again, right now.”

Wide-eyed, Soonyoung presses his back against the wall, but it only makes him feel more trapped. The words are a lot harder to find the second time. “I kissed him.” It should just be a simple admittance, but Mingyu is blown away by the news. His spoon clatters back down to the tray and Soonyoung can’t tell if he’s mad at him. Is there a reason why he should be mad at him? Whatever he’s feeling, it has nothing to do with jealousy, so what it is? Soonyoung’s about to ask when Mingyu starts laughing.

“That’s… _exactly_ what I thought I heard,” he shakes his head like the news is unbelievable, or maybe he thinks that Soonyoung is the unbelievable one. “ _That’s_ what’s been going on with you?” The news confuses Mingyu, but at the same time, so many things seem to click now. “You had a _crush_ on him. All this time, you were acting so weird around him, but I thought it was just because you were scared of him.”

“Shut up!” Embarrassment ambushes Soonyoung. “You don’t have to say anything about it!” He did a good job at hiding it from everyone, except for Joshua. Joshua had been able to tell, but Soonyoung felt a sense of solidarity with him. Both of them were new to the supernatural world and their questions often felt similar. A ghost and a vampire don’t have much in common, but there’s enough. “I kissed him, so it isn’t like it is a secret anymore!” Shyly, he covers his face with his hands, unable to look at Mingyu’s amused expression. “ _Listen_ , he’s _so_ handsome and smart and caring. When I was… just like dust or whatever, he spent all his free time with me! He told me about being human and he thought of ways to stay in contact with my cousins! He’s…” _Overwhelming_ , he doesn’t say.

Mingyu whistles low. “Huh, Soonyoung. Didn’t take you for that sort.”

Finally, he uncovers his face to give Mingyu a hard expression. It isn’t as threatening as he hopes it will be. “What sort?”

Laughter fills up the room, but instead of making Soonyoung feel warm, it makes him feel annoyed. “What sort?” He repeats, stomping his foot down hard on the tiled floor. “What sort am I taken for? What does that mean?”

“It isn’t a bad thing,” he clarifies first. “I didn’t expect you to be someone who fell in love so easily.”

 _Fell… in love?_  
Soonyoung’s eyes grow wide just at the thought. Was he in love with Wonwoo?

☄

Going home felt wrong, so Wonwoo just heads towards the lobby. The elevator ride feels like eternity, when he steps out, all he can think about is the strangled cry that he’s sure was Soonyoung. Unintentionally, he had driven the wedge between all of them further. He handed Jeonghan the ammunition to threaten their relationships and Joshua had pulled the trigger. But instead of ruining them, what had happened in that room? Mingyu’s words still ring in his ears. It felt like a situation that no one ended up benefiting from, instead, all of them became familiar with pain in one way or another. Wonwoo wishes he could go back and explain himself, but he knows that everyone needs time.

When the elevator doors open, Nayoung is standing there with a clipboard in hand. “ _You_ ,” she exhales, crowding into his space. It gives him no room to exit and that seems to be her intention. “I was hoping to run into you before tonight’s meeting. I know that you don’t go, but we have an agreement with you. I was thinking about expanding it.” Suddenly, she’s all business. While not the leader of anyone, she takes the best care of the vampires. When no one else cares, or greed ends up swallowing them, she takes control with Jieqiong right beside her. Wonwoo doesn’t prefer her to Jonghyun, but he doesn’t hate Nayoung. At times, she’s the most logical of the bunch. She understands the power distribution better than anyone and she respects Jonghyun. “Can we talk now?”

Wonwoo nods, feeling too tired to talk.

Apparently, she doesn’t need words. “Your friends aren’t necessarily protected by your agreement. Jeonghan has every right to talk to Joshua and Mingyu, even Soonyoung, but we could amend it to protect them. Jonghyun and I have been talking about the possibility for awhile. Maybe Jeonghan won’t listen, but Seungcheol has no choice. If he disobeys, then the penalty will be severe for him. I don’t know why anyone else would have a problem with it.” When Wonwoo doesn’t say anything, Nayoung continues. “We just need your approval for the amendments. I’ll be announcing them tonight and Jonghyun said he’ll endorse it. Joshua poses a risk that you understand, I think. Recruiting him was a mistake, but one that we haven’t punished you for. I know you can see why. The recent events should be punishment enough for your spontaneous actions. You know, we wouldn’t have punished you otherwise though. All of us get greedy at some point. Yours just happened a lot sooner than expected. If Joshua is family to you, then we can respect that. Those who don’t… will learn to.”

While she’s taking a deep breath, the elevator opens, interrupting her. Minhyun and a couple other nurses squeeze into the lift and Nayoung presses the button for them. Wonwoo forgets to breathe in the close presence of humans and Nayoung looks pointedly away from Wonwoo, as though they weren’t even talking. Patiently, the both of them wait until the humans exit on the proper floor. As soon as they do, everyone still in the elevator lets out a collective sigh. Wonwoo never knows just how thirsty he is until he’s stuck next to a human without an escape.

His throat burns, but he tries his best to ignore it as Minhyun and Nayoung both step closer to him. “Hello,” Minhyun smiles gently at them. “Is Mingyu recovering well?”

“His charts all look normal,” Nayoung reports faithfully. “I think he’ll make a full recovery by tomorrow. Junhui did expert work on him…” In response, Minhyun nods as though any of this is interesting. Wonwoo’s thankful that he works without anyone bothering him. This type of small talk is obnoxious to him. Nayoung seems to realize that she’s losing Wonwoo’s focus, so she jumps back on topic. “Do you think our agreement with Wonwoo should extend to his friends?” The question is posed towards Minhyun, but she’s looking at Wonwoo.

It doesn’t take much time for Minhyun to form his own opinion. “It wouldn’t hurt. It might reduce some of the in-group fighting we’ve been experiencing. I’m sure Jonghyun is for it. When you left, Wonwoo, all he wanted was for you to be able to live peacefully.” The sentiment surprises Wonwoo. Jonghyun is a gentle, kind person, but he doesn’t usually show his emotions. To understand Jonghyun, a person had to be close to him, but even Wonwoo didn’t know about these feelings. It makes sense though. As soon as Wonwoo left, an agreement had been put into effect to save him from any unnecessary violence or threats made by angry, hostile vampires. After he left, so many of them had a vendetta against him. To defect so easily from a _family_ … It was blasphemy to them, but Wonwoo never thought of them as family. Junhui had been his only connection to that community.

When Wonwoo left Junhui, he also left everyone else.

“What are you thinking about saying?” Wonwoo finally bites. Nayoung’s whole face lights up as she turns her body towards Wonwoo, pressing the ‘hold’ button on the elevator so the doors wouldn’t open. No one could interrupt them now, especially when Nayoung is about to say her most important piece. If she’s not convincing, then no agreement will be reached. That’s how it had been before. Nayoung had expectations that Wonwoo didn’t want to handle. When he left, he wanted to be gone, untraceable. However, Junhui wouldn’t let anyone come to that agreement. It had been foolish for him to try, but he just wanted to be able to disappear.

Their agreement had ended with easy to follow rules:

  1. He had to be able to be contacted.
  2. He could not recruit others.



In return, no one was allowed to harass him or bother him, except for Junhui. Out of everyone, Wonwoo wishes he had agreed on Minhyun to check in on him, but Junhui insisted that he felt responsible for his safety since he was the one who recruited him. Vampires were always weird about recruitings. Either a vampire was close to the one who recruited them, or they never spoke to them again. Minhyun had no memory of who had turned him, but Jieqiong never left Nayoung’s side. Every vampire had a different story of how they came to be, but most of them stuck close to the ones who acted as teachers and guides. That’s what made the most sense.

Nayoung’s amendment to the agreement would be small, but necessary. There’s no reason for Wonwoo to deny it, so he listens to her appeal attentively. “We add on the protection of your family. It is in the same clause that protects you, except we extend that protection to your family, or those you live with. It’ll cover Joshua, Mingyu, and Soonyoung _easily_. It might not control Jeonghan, but it can keep the others under control. He won’t be able to rally them against you if there’s a protection on you.” A protection is only words, but sometimes that’s all Jonghyun needed to give any of them for them to obey him. The way he leads is precise. Once he gives an order, everyone has to follow it, or there will be punishments. Wonwoo doesn’t know what the punishments are and he doesn’t want to.

“That’s it?” Wonwoo asks incredulously.

Nayoung nods solemnly. “That’s all we need.”

Squeezing around her, Minhyun presses the ‘hold’ button again and the elevator continues its trek to the third floor. “Just say yes, Wonwoo. If you doubt her, then come to the meeting, but trust me… None of us want to deal with in-group fighting. The agreement between the werewolves and us has been successful, so why shouldn’t one between a defected vampire and us not be?”

He’s not wrong. There’s little reason for Wonwoo to say no. So he relents. “Fine. As long as that’s it, then I’m fine with it.” Keeping Jeonghan away was his top priority, but he could start small if he needed to. At the very least, it would keep the other vampires away from Mingyu and Soonyoung. If they approach them, there won’t be a threat to their existences. This won’t undo any of the damage that Wonwoo’s done, but it could be a push in the right direction. If he could promise them safety, then he would be able to show them that he cares about them.

One setback did not make him a monster again. Right?

Except, he’s scared that that’s how Soonyoung will see him. Mingyu and Joshua had always seen him as he was, but Soonyoung had believed him to be changed and harmless. Soonyoung had put importance onto him where there hadn’t been before. What had Wonwoo done for him in exchange? All he can think of is how he let him down. He can’t just keep letting people down, so he agrees to try to keep them safe. At the third floor, the elevator _dings_ and both Minhyun and Nayoung exit. “It’ll get better,” Nayoung promises with a wave.

For some reason, Wonwoo can’t believe her yet.

☄

When Joshua comes back to Mingyu’s room, Soonyoung isn’t there. “Hey,” Mingyu sits up, putting the book in his hands down. Joshua notices that it is the poetry book that he bought for him last year. It is hard for Mingyu to find time to read, but he loves it so Joshua always ends up caving and buying him whatever he thinks he’ll enjoy. It takes time, but Mingyu always ends up reading them, so Joshua keeps buying them. He’s so happy to see Joshua that all his anger melts away. He’s been too cruel to the people he loves. What Mingyu needed from him was support and all he gave him was harsh, hateful words. Sometimes, he didn’t even recognize himself. This person that he is becoming isn’t a person he’s happy to be.

“Hey,” Joshua responds quietly, looking at the floor. “How’s your head?”

Mingyu shrugs. “Feels okay. Nothing’s really changed. The nurse came to check on me and she just reminded me to keep taking it easy.” Then he laughs. “Honestly, all the nurses are surprised at how quickly my wounds have healed. I think Junhui is trying to keep the staff switched up so none of them see me more than once.” It wouldn’t be surprising if that is what Junhui’s doing. Hiding supernatural existence from humans is the most important rule. There’s no way that Junhui would try to risk it. Premature unveiling could cause a war between humans and vampires and no one wants that future. Joshua can imagine how it would destroy the world.

“Who’s your favorite nurse so far?” Joshua asks. An apology sits on his lips, but he doesn’t want to lose this moment. Being with Mingyu is how he finds humanity again. Even though he belongs to both worlds, he feels so human. There’s no ropes tying him down, aside from that one day of the month. Mingyu is able to live unrestrained unlike Joshua. He tries not to be jealous, but it hurts to know he gets to live a life that Joshua has to throw away.

Putting a finger against his chin, Mingyu pretends to think about it. “Kyungwon.” _Of course Mingyu knows their names_. If Joshua asked for each of them, then he’d be able to list them. Unlike anyone else he’s ever known, Mingyu is a people person. Being around others just makes him happier. “She’s goofy, likes to joke around. She told me that she usually works with children, but Junhui asked her to check in on me. You can tell that she should be working with kids.” He’s fond of her, but it doesn’t bother Joshua. Being jealous and dating Mingyu would be hard. Naturally, he’s obnoxiously handsome and charming. Everyone’s taken by him and he’s taken by everyone, but just… for some reason, he’s especially taken by Joshua. He can’t imagine how Mingyu sees him because he’s never been able to see himself as special, but Mingyu loves everything about him.

“Kyungwon,” Joshua repeats. “She sounds nice. Maybe you’ll get lucky and he’ll send her back up tomorrow.”

“I’m getting out tomorrow, I think.” That news surprises Joshua, but Mingyu had always been quick to heal. A cut or a bruise would go away in a couple of hours instead of days. At first, Joshua questioned it, but Mingyu couldn’t keep his world from him for long. Telling Joshua about his ‘curse’ was important to him. Even if it seemed like a big joke, Joshua still appreciated his honesty later on. When he told him the first time, Joshua had gotten so angry that he left, but eventually he saw the truth. Quite literally, he saw the scars on Mingyu’s body and saw how he healed. It all started to make sense all of a sudden. Believing him was easier the longer he was with him. Letting go of Kim Mingyu shouldn’t be an option. He’s the most beautiful person on the whole planet. Who would give him up?

Not Joshua. Not in a million years could Joshua give him up.

“That’s soon.” Finally, he crosses the room to sit atop the edge of Mingyu’s bed. “What will you do once you are out?” Small talk is nice, even though Joshua knows they are avoiding the elephant in the room. Their argument had been useless, but Joshua still had said words he didn’t mean. Mingyu deserved an apology even if he didn’t need one to forgive him.

This time, he doesn’t need time to think. “I’m going to go visit my parents, I think.” He admits, hanging his head as though he’s ashamed by his love for his parents. Joshua knows that’s not the case. Instead, he’s scared that he’s upset Joshua with his news. It is obvious that Joshua wants him to stay, but he wouldn’t ever try to stop him from visiting his family. Joshua will never be able to visit his own, so he doesn’t hesitate to encourage Mingyu.

“That’s good. I bet they miss you.” He smiles easily.

His response has Mingyu looking back up at him shyly, a small smile of his own blooming on his face. “I just need time to myself for a weekend. The firm gave me a couple days off to recover, so I want to just get away from _here_.”

Seoul has Jeonghan. It has all of Mingyu’s fears in it. Joshua doesn’t blame him for wanting to take a break from it all, even if it’s just a couple of days. “I understand, I think you should.” Supporting Mingyu, this is what Joshua should have been doing the moment they arrived at the hospital, but instead… he had turned into the monster that he is. “Hey,” he says, quietly, interrupting Mingyu from whatever he might have been about to say.

Needily, he reaches his hand out for Mingyu to take. As soon as he does, Joshua feels stronger. “You don’t have to,” Mingyu tells him, brushing his thumb across the back of his hand. The heat from his skin is comforting. Joshua craves to be enveloped in it. No matter what, his body just doesn’t feel warm anymore. It doesn’t matter that his body functions just as it normally would because he can feel the hollowness in his veins. Being a vampire means feeling impossibly empty. Nothing could fill him up and make him human again. Just as everyone says, it is a curse.

“I do though,” he doesn’t look away from Mingyu even though he wants to. Everyone thinks he’s so unafraid, but he’s terrified, especially of hurting Mingyu. “I’m sorry for treating you like you did something wrong. Just because you worried me didn’t justify me treating you like that.” More apologies could follow. He feels like he should apology for just being himself when Mingyu deserved so much more than just him. If he said anything like that though, he’d just make Mingyu angry. So, he stays quiet. He doesn’t feel like fighting anymore.

Silence settles around them, then Mingyu is closing the distance between them. His lips touch against Joshua’s neck, working their way up to his jawline. The sensation is enough to have Joshua’s knees lock. While squeezing Mingyu’s hand, he lets his eyes slip close. It is easy to fall into him and get lost. Mingyu’s mouth is a thing of wonder, of beauty. His lips speak poetry without the use of words. Joshua can feel the words spun against his skin as Mingyu uses his free hand to guide Joshua’s lips to his. There is a sonnet breathed into his open mouth and Joshua’s exhales answer, beg for more.

“I love you,” Joshua says, turning around to cradle Mingyu’s face in his hands. “I love you so much.”  
There’s something incredibly soft behind Mingyu’s eyes. Joshua feels himself falling in love with him even more. If that’s even possible.  

 


	4. ep. 7 + 8

seven **.**

Mingyu doesn’t realize he’s being followed until it’s too late.

In his rearview mirror, he notices that this sleek red Hyundai has been trailing after him since he left Seoul. The windows are too tinted for Mingyu to see the driver, but he has an idea of who it might be and he’s leading him straight to his parents’ house. The danger is obvious, so he pulls into the closest convenience store. As he sits in the parking lot, he prays that he’s just being paranoid. His gaze doesn’t leave his mirrors though. The Hyundai slows, but doesn’t follow Mingyu into the parking lot. Mingyu watches until it slides completely out of view. It could just be paranoia eating him alive, but he knows that something _feels_ wrong.

He counts to ten in his head, eyes never leaving the street, before he climbs out of his car. Immediately, he locks the doors and starts towards the door with quick footsteps. There’s a nagging in the back of his head telling him to turn around, but he can’t. If he turns, he’s scared that he’ll come face-to-face with his darkest fear.

When he enters the store, the door chimes to alert the petite black-haired girl at the counter that there’s a customer. She looks up from her phone at him, raises her eyebrows, then diverts her attention back to her phone. From what Mingyu can tell, she’s blissfully human and that is enough to put Mingyu at ease for the moment. Taking out his phone, he walks down an aisle to the drinks. His fingers move fast on the buttons, but he doesn’t even know if anyone’s after him. All he does know is that he needs to send Wonwoo a message. Maybe he knows what’s going on. If Jeonghan’s missing, surely someone’s noticed by now.

Just as he’s about to hit send to a hastily written message, the door chimes again. Ducking down, Mingyu tries to make himself small for once. The last thing he needs to be is a target right now. _Is anything up?_ The message might not make any sense to Wonwoo if everything’s okay and he hopes that’s the case. “Hey, sis!” Whoever’s just entered calls towards the cashier. The voice is undeniably young. Mingyu relaxes, moving forever down the aisle towards the drinks. While he’s here, he might as well grab something.

 _Jonghyun’s not at work, but I don’t know why._ Wonwoo replies promptly. Then, _I will update you ASAP._

It doesn’t put his nerves at ease, but he feels comfortable enough to move freely throughout the store now. If someone’s following him, then he won’t be attacked here. At least, he _hopes_ that he won’t be attacked here. Innocent bystanders didn’t deserve to die or be introduced to a world that only exists in fantasy for them. The risk is still a reality, so Mingyu moves quickly. After grabbing a soy milk, he heads towards the counter, now able to see the younger girl. She’s no older than eleven, gazing at a myriad of sweet snacks with temptation high in her veins.

“That’s it?” The cashier tilts her head, reaching across the counter to take the soy milk and scan it. Mingyu nods in a way that he hopes is poilite. She can’t be older than seventeen, but Mingyu can’t really tell. She moves lazily, eyes bright yet bored at the same time. After she’s done scanning his drink, she places it in a bag and hands it back over to Mingyu. “Have a nice day then!”

“You too,” it is easy to smile around strangers, even if Mingyu feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up in fear of the unknown. No threat exists in here, but what if that car is back, sitting in the parking lot? All he wants is for Wonwoo to text him back and tell him that it is just his mind playing tricks on him. It would be so easy to convince him that the red Hyundai was only a figment of his imagination. But the longer he goes without word from Wonwoo, the more paranoid he gets. There could be something going on back home. Jeonghan might not be accounted for.

It could be easy to lose a vampire with so many of them trying to fulfill their responsibilities. Junhui and Nayoung had to go to work, so they couldn’t be left in charge of Jeonghan. Jonghyun and Minhyun were mysteries to Mingyu, but taking care of a whole society of vampires had to be taxing. Any missteps had to be disciplined and covered up. That would leave someone like Seungcheol to watch Jeonghan… If he had been left in charge, then Jeonghan could be anywhere. Without even trying, Jeonghan sways Seungcheol to his favor. For a future leader, Seungcheol is easily led by his fantasies. What did he even want out of Jeonghan? Mingyu wonders, but he doesn’t think he actually wants to know. Vampires, by nature, acted on impulse: sexual or otherwise. It wouldn’t be surprising if Seungcheol had hidden desires when it came to Jeonghan. He had wanted him so much that he gave him immortality… Mingyu can imagine how Seungcheol thinks about Jeonghan and, for once, Mingyu can’t blame Jeonghan. He’d want to tear the world down too if he was treated like an object to be had.

Once in the parking lot, the threat becomes real again. His eyes can’t find a trace of any red cars, but he can’t stop looking as he makes his way to his car. Maybe that’s why he misses it. Maybe that’s why he walks straight into the trap set for him. His fingers reach out to grab his car door, but there’s a sickeningly _click_ at his ear that makes him freeze. “Missed me, right?”Jeonghan says with hands that don’t shake. Having his humanity taken from him, he’s gained foolhardy bravery. The amount of damage he can do is sickening. One wrong move and Mingyu won’t be visiting his parents. In his other hand, his phone vibrates and he can imagine what it reads.

Only, he’s gotten the message too late. “What do you want?” Mingyu’s voice trembles even though he wants to sound strong. It is hard to find strength when the barrel of a gun is aimed at your head. That’s an injury that he wouldn’t be recovering from. Bullets are just as effective on werewolves as they are on humans. His phone vibrates again, desperate, but Mingyu has to ignore it. If he doesn’t turn to ice in this moment, then he doesn’t know how long he’ll last here. Jeonghan wants control of this situation and last time, he had horribly underestimated his game.

This time, he’ll play it right.

“You _know_ what I want.” Jeonghan doesn’t put the gun down, but he steps closer. “Now, get in the car or I’ll show you a murder that you won’t ever forget. We’re going to take a little ride while I tell you how this is going to play out.” All of the control is in his hands, but Mingyu can tell he’s never used it before. Reading people is Mingyu’s job. He knows when someone’s trying to cover up their weakness with whatever’s available. Jeonghan is using his charisma and intelligence to make it seem like he’s a bad person. Except, Mingyu’s sure that before he was recruited, he hadn’t ever entertained a harsh thought. This need for control stems from his anger at being lied to and used.

Honestly, Mingyu understands him, even if he wishes that he didn’t. That’s probably why he lets Jeonghan lead him, because he understands where all these feelings are coming from. His fingers grip around the door handle and his other hand goes to retrieve his keys from his pocket, replacing them with his phone. Carefully, in slow, calculated movements that Jeonghan can easily follow, he unlocks his car and climbs in. Jeonghan waits for him to unlock the rest of the car, then he climbs into the backseat. The bag holding his soy milk gets left on the passenger seat, a cruel reminder of his naivety. Again, his phone vibrates, but he focuses on starting the car and putting it into reverse.

“Just drive anywhere. I know where your parents live so it doesn’t matter if you avoid them or not,” he says. “I did some snooping before I just followed you blindly. You could have been going anywhere, but no, this time you are trying to visit your parents… and you might still be able to, but I need you to listen to me first.” There’s a calm in his voice that scares Mingyu. Vampires are capable of so much, but _Jeonghan_ has another layer of rebellion added onto him. Instead of wishing harm on werewolves, he’s lethal because he wants to eradicate everyone between him and Joshua. The future that he idealizes is a dangerous one, but he gets to be responsible for the justice given. All Jeonghan really wants it to be able to punish those who play with innocent lives. He wants to do the right thing, but in the wrong way. Mingyu knows that he can see this isn’t the way to go about it, but he doesn’t stop. That’s what Mingyu wonders about: if Jeonghan knows there’s a better way to go about this, why doesn’t he take it?

He turns onto the road and tries to ignore the gun fixed on him. “I’m listening.” He promises, trying to maintain a tone that doesn’t sound hostile or sarcastic. The last thing Mingyu wants to do is have Jeonghan annoyed with him. This is a situation that he wants to walk away alive from. Jeonghan’s unpredictable, but calculated, and Mingyu thinks that might make him one of the most dangerous people in the world. Especially in this moment.

Jeonghan exhales, finally lowering his gun. No matter what though, he still has it, so he can still use it. One wrong move and this could all be over for Mingyu. However, killing him can’t possibly be on Jeonghan’s agenda. He wants Joshua to side with him, so he needs Mingyu alive, but that doesn’t mean that he won’t hurt him. It doesn’t mean that if he upsets him enough, he won’t hesitate to kill him regardless of his end goal. If Mingyu has learned anything about newborn vampires, it is that they aren’t mature enough to be trusted. The supernatural world is too much for them to accept at first, but with acceptance comes a sick sort of comfort.

Without Jeonghan’s interference, Joshua is on his way to that comfort. Mingyu can see the way he’s constantly changing to try to accept himself as a vampire. The change is hard. Becoming a werewolf is similar, but the rules are different. The human dies alongside the rise of the vampire, but a werewolf still can hold tight to humanity. On most days, Mingyu can’t even feel the difference between before and after his attack, but Joshua has to face the horror of waking up undead for the rest of his existence. Mingyu imagines that it’s the same for Jeonghan.

“It’s simple,” he says. Something changes in his voice. Now, he sounds broken and tired. “Encourage Joshua to meet with me on Friday. I just want to talk to him. Last time, that’s all I did and that’s all I want to do this time.”

That would be an easy promise to make, except Mingyu knows that talking with Jeonghan changes Joshua. The way that Jeonghan talks is persuasive. Anything he says can seed a blooming thought, then everyone else waters it so it grows. Joshua’s never been easy to influence, but he’s also never been in this type of situation before. He’s never known anyone like Jeonghan before. _I can’t_ , Mingyu wants to say, but he knows that’s the wrong answer. There’s no way for him to walk away from here without agreeing to talk to Joshua. To agree to _urging_ Joshua towards danger.

Putting Joshua in danger is the last thing Mingyu wants to do, but he’s already done that.

When Mingyu doesn’t say anything, Jeonghan continues. “That’s why I followed you out here, really. Just to get you to entertain the thought of Joshua meeting with me. I know that he’s probably against the idea, but he said he would think about it and if he doesn’t want to work with me, that’s fine, but I need to hear it from him. Don’t you understand?” It isn’t something so simple that Mingyu just gets it, but he thinks he understands, somehow.

“I love him,” Mingyu whispers, turning down his parents’ street. “He has to stay safe.”

Jeonghan nods. Mingyu watches the movement in the rearview mirror. “I know. He loves you too, which is why I can’t kill you or kidnap you again.” Then, he’s running his fingers through his hair as though this conversation is stressing him out. “Don’t tell Wonwoo or Joshua that I met you here. Don’t even mention that you saw me. I’ll make something up on my way back… but just ask him to meet with me when this weekend ends. That’ll have been a week exactly, just like our agreement said.” He turns towards the window and watches the houses as they pass them. “Drop me off wherever. I need to think about some things.”

If Mingyu had thought about it for an extra minute, then he would have realized the danger in letting out a vampire into the middle of the neighborhood. But he sounds and looks so human right now that it is hard to see him as a monster. Lately, Mingyu’s been catching glimpses of the best parts of the creatures he despises the most. He has Joshua to blame for that, especially with Jeonghan because they share the same haunting look of despair.

There’s just a little bit of humanity left in Jeonghan that Mingyu can see.   
Maybe that’s why Mingyu makes the agreement.

☄

When Wonwoo left, he left no clue as to where he might go. Soonyoung finds out that missing him is the easiest thing he’s ever done. Most of his thoughts are centered around Wonwoo, but Joshua interrupts him with his own anxiety. Jeonghan’s disquieted their household and completely divided it. Any wrong move could fracture them further, but each one of them is trying their best to mend it, to mend _themselves_. Whenever Soonyoung’s alone with Joshua, he can tell that all of this is haunting him more than Soonyoung ever could. A mistake for Joshua is twice as dangerous for them. Does he talk to Jeonghan to try to make peace? Does he ignore him instead? No one knows what the right answer is.

“Have you heard from Mingyu?” Joshua asks while Soonyoung is making dinner. When Soonyoung looks up from his skillet, he notices that Joshua’s buttoning the cuffs of one of his nicer shirts. An alarm goes off in his head, but Soonyoung hardly has any control over Joshua and his decisions. Only… Soonyoung’s _pretty_ sure that Joshua still isn’t supposed to leave. Exposure to humans is still something he should be avoiding. Maybe nothing happened at the hospital or with Yewon, but Soonyoung doesn’t like the risk. Joshua seems to read Soonyoung’s mind, “Jonghyun’s picking me up for dinner. We’re out of blood and he can get me into the hospital. Without…”

 _Wonwoo_. Soonyoung wishes that his name hadn’t suddenly been banned. If Joshua could just _say_ his name, then he could take baby steps towards actually talking to him again. Still, Wonwoo aside, Soonyoung’s not sure that it is a good idea for Joshua to go out with an Older One. “So, I’m cooking for no one?” He asks playfully, throwing flour onto Joshua who is a lot less affronted by the gesture than Soonyoung expected.

He wipes the flour off, leaving behind white streaks. “You aren’t going to ask to come?”

Spending the whole night with two vampires drinking blood sounds pretty awesome, but Soonyoung has to pass. “I trust you,” he says, not really knowing if it is a lie or not. “We have to learn how to trust you and if you are with Jonghyun, then you’ll be fine. Just make sure to be home before eight.”

Joshua waits for Soonyoung to laugh, but he doesn’t. There’s no punchline to his words. “You’re giving me a curfew?” Incredulity seeps into his voice. “I’m an _adult_.” It is unusual for Joshua to put up a fight, but most of the time, everyone is treating him like a untrustworthy little kid. Soonyoung doesn’t blame him for being upset at the prospect of being told to come home at a certain time. Still, he’s not joking. Without Mingyu or Wonwoo here, Soonyoung’s in charge. He’s not going to let Joshua put himself in danger.

“I’m serious.” Soonyoung says. “If you don’t come home before eight, then I’ll be starting _so much shit_ that you’ll be embarrassed to ever go out again.” It isn’t a threat, but a promise. Soonyoung isn’t playing with anyone’s safety anymore. They almost lost Mingyu just a couple of days ago… There didn’t need to be anymore close calls.

Whatever fight Joshua has leaves him with one exhale. “Sure. I shouldn’t be out too long anyway.”

“Good,” Soonyoung smiles at him, flicking more flour towards him. This time, Joshua dodges it with a sidestep. Both of them laugh abruptly. The whole house stands silent aside from their antics in the kitchen. This is the loneliest that Soonyoung’s felt in awhile. Even when he first died, he didn’t feel like this. He can feel the emptiness in each room. When Joshua leaves, he knows that he’ll just barricade himself in Wonwoo’s closet until someone comes home to rescue himself from the silence. While they’re laughing, Soonyoung spies a bright golden glow in the corner of the room, but it turns into dust before he can even process it. Being a ghost is weird.

Before he loses Joshua to the night, Soonyoung places his bowl down and turns to him. “Can we talk before you leave?” He asks, gesturing towards the table. Joshua doesn’t seem to have a problem with it because he pulls out a chair and sits down without an argument. They both know what they’ll be talking about, but it is a conversation that has to happen. If Joshua can’t even say his name, then their problem is bigger than they thought. There’s so much in between Joshua and Soonyoung knows how hard it is to process everything, but Mingyu’s words rang true and loud in his head. If they don’t forgive Wonwoo, then they are turning their back on him. They are all Wonwoo has.

After Joshua’s seated, Soonyoung takes the seat across from him. He’s thought about this conversation thousands of times, but he still doesn’t know the right words. If Mingyu were here, then he’d be able to get Joshua to see, but this is all up to Soonyoung now. With everyone else gone, he has to take charge. He’s never been much of a leader, but he knows how to take care of others. Right now, they all need someone to take care of them, but Wonwoo is off on his own and Soonyoung’s trying to save himself for later. Everyone else needs him now more than he needs them. That’s why he’ll make a sacrifice in this moment. There’ll be a time when they will reach out to him like he’s doing for them… _trying_ to do them.

“So…” Joshua starts, looking as awkward as he must feel.

Because he doesn’t want to keep Joshua here all night, Soonyoung decides to fumble with his words. So long as he gets all his thoughts out there, then he’ll have made a step towards making everything right. “Wonwoo made a mistake.” He won’t deny that. “You thought of it as betrayal, but I _know_ he didn’t do this to hurt us. I talked to Mingyu about it and… _Centuries_ without a mistake is amazing for a vampire. His mistake shouldn’t be overlooked, but it doesn’t need to suddenly define him.” Mingyu had made so much sense to him, but Soonyoung just feels like he’s grasping for straws. He doesn’t want to excuse Wonwoo’s behavior, but he knows Wonwoo better than this fake picture that Joshua and Jeonghan have constructed. “We can’t just throw him away… kick him out of our lives…” Desperate, Soonyoung starts to chew on his lip. Words are difficult for him, especially when he doesn’t know if Joshua plans on making Wonwoo suffer for only a little while longer or not.

Slowly, Joshua leans back into his chair. “I know.” Soonyoung just stares at him, unable to comprehend him. It is like he’s speaking latin. _I know_. The words sit hollowly in Soonyoung’s lap. It is such a useless answer. To Soonyoung, it means next to nothing. _I know_. Feeling angry is still so easy for Soonyoung, but he doesn’t want to fracture their relationship anymore. All the pain has to stop somewhere. If they aren’t going to try to understand each other, then what’s the point?

“You know?” Soonyoung asks, shaking his head. “ _Of course_ you know we can’t just throw him away. That’s not what I want you to walk away with understanding from this, though. I want you to understand that we need him and he needs us. We are _supposed_ to be _together_! Can’t you see that? He saved your life in the only way he could, but you hold that over his head because it is easier to hate what you’ve become and blame him than it is to learn to cope and grow.” With his breathing controlled, he maintains his tone. Growing angry will only turn him into a hurricane. There’s no peace within the aftermath of a hurricane, just more pain than what they’ve started with. Soonyoung thinks that they’ve all been hurting enough. Trying to play human like this… All they are doing is disappointing themselves and injecting false hope into their veins so they don’t face reality until they crash.

His words seem to have stunned Joshua into silence. For a second, he actually believes that he’s gotten through to him, but then there’s a knock on the door. That interruption is all Joshua needs. In an instance, he’s up, nearly knocking his seat down in his haste. Soonyoung can see that he’s angry, but Joshua doesn’t really emote anger well. All of his anger is quiet, internalized. “I have to go. I’ll… I can’t make any promises about Wonwoo.”

When he answers the door, Jonghyun waves to Soonyoung. To him, everything’s better now, but to Soonyoung, nothing will be fixed until he has a full house. “Keep him safe,” Soonyoung warns and Jonghyun gives a smile that is more of a promise than his words will ever be. The door shuts.

Soonyoung has never felt more alone.

☄

It isn’t raining outside, but Seungkwan shows up on Soonyoung’s doorstep with an umbrella in hand. “You live in the middle of _nowhere_ ,” Seungkwan huffs, cheeks expanding with frustration. The statement itself is odd because there is no way that anyone would describe _this_ as the middle of nowhere. From his apartment, Soonyoung can easily get to a convenience store, a grocery store, the hospital, and some important type of building, probably. He’s never really ventured far, but he would have never moved into a neighborhood where he wasn’t at least twenty minutes away from a grocery store. Living near food is important.

Ghosts don’t need to be invited in like vampires, so Soonyoung just moves out of the way for Seungkwan to enter. “Did you have a hard time? I made the directions myself.” When they were in the hotel last week, Soonyoung had scribbled instructions for how to get to their house from the tavern. Most of the notes were just whatever he could remember on the spot, but even if it seemed a little confusing, he managed to put all the important landmarks in there, so if he found them at least, then he’d be able to find Soonyoung’s apartment eventually.

“A GPS would have been twenty times more helpful than your chicken scratch,” Seungkwan informs him. “Still, I made it, so they weren’t impossible to follow…” When he enters, he takes inventory of both the kitchen and the living room. It is almost like he’s deciding where to unload himself. Finally, he turns into the kitchen and on impulse, Soonyoung starts to brew tea. A fond smile appears on Seungkwan’s face as he watches him, but he doesn’t instruct him to stop. Seungkwan has been a ghost for so many years that he’s probably learned how to detach himself from the everyday tasks that Soonyoung gravitates towards. Or, maybe he doesn’t because Soonyoung remembers him mentioning his unfinished business. If he has to take care of someone and he does their grocery shopping, then maybe, sometimes, he cooks him food and fixes him tea.

Leaving the tea to boil, Soonyoung takes a seat at the dining room table, motioning for Seungkwan to take the one across from him. “Sorry, but I’m glad you made it!” He beams at Seungkwan, genuinely happy to have him here. The house had been too quiet without Joshua, so when Seungkwan decided to show up, it was a happy surprise. No more awkward silence for Soonyoung to struggle with, instead, he gets a friend to sit with. Talking to Seungkwan always helps him out more than he realizes. “How have you been? Is everything well?”

It has only been a week since they’ve seen each other, so not much should have changed, but things are constantly changing for Soonyoung. He hopes that Seungkwan doesn’t have as much trouble as he does. Knowing that life is still kind to the undead is the only kind of news that Soonyoung wants to hear. Seungkwan’s answer is preceded by a smile, so Soonyoung expects good news. “Everything’s great, as usual. I’ve been incredibly busy, but I’m delighted to say that I think I might get to see him sing again. He had always been the better singer, in my opinion, but he had admired me. _Me_! Even though I was younger than him, he still thought so highly of me…” In an instance, Soonyoung has Seungkwan transported back into the past. It happens all the time to Soonyoung, especially when he’s alone. Just the other day, he had been sitting in the living room and he swore that he heard Chan’s laughter.

When he’s alone, he misses living the most. Having Joshua, Mingyu, and Wonwoo around keeps his mind away from all the memories, but Seungkwan has to constantly live with his. Soonyoung doesn’t know how he would cope if his existence turned to that. His unfinished business better have something to do with finding out how he died or helping a lost puppy find his home. There’s no way he’d be able to exist until Chan and Hansol are grown. If the universe had that in store for him, it would be a sick type of torture. He wants to be able to ensure his cousins safety, but there’s no way he could dedicate his life to being their guardian angel. Never again would he be able to hold them or play with them. All he would do is watch them grow up and try to look out for them.

Seungkwan’s a guardian angel of sorts. Just his existence is pure and calming. Soonyoung could never be like that. Even if all he’s ever wanted to do was keep his cousins safe, there’s no way he could live like Seungkwan does. Soonyoung finds himself admiring Seungkwan for working so hard to keep close what is so precious to him. At the end, he’ll be able to cross over _with_ his tavern singer. They’ll be together for eternity, for whatever happens after death and after crossing over. Soonyoung shudders just to think about the unknown. If he has to meet the men with sticks and rope again, then… He’d rather just stay how he is.

“He sounds great… I’m a little jealous of you,” he laughs. “You sound absolutely _smitten_ with him.”

He’s just teasing, but Seungkwan’s face visibly falls. “He’s… great, but he’s also constantly angry and resentful. _All_ the time, he talks about how he wishes it was him. Having me around like this… I think he _knows_ I’m here. I never thought he was a person who believed in ghosts, but sometimes… Sometimes he _talks_ to me.” So easily, Seungkwan bares his troubles to him. There’s nothing for them to hide from each other. They are just ghosts. In supernatural society, they just aren’t important. What could they do? What kind of drama could they start? What is even important to them? Feeding doesn’t need to happen. They don’t transform. All ghosts are are semi-permanent beings. The only thing Soonyoung’s ever wanted out of this life was companionship. He’s starting to think that ghosts might be the loneliest creatures… Without knowing another supernatural, they hardly exist.

Apparently, Seungkwan has his own horrors to deal with too. He’s been through almost a century of pain, but luckily, his end is foreseeable. Does that make it scarier or not? Soonyoung finds himself wondering. Not knowing when his door will appear doesn’t hurt him. As long as he doesn’t know, he doesn’t have to worry about it. He hopes that his unfinished business is just something he accidentally does. Counting down the days, even if the number isn’t defined, would be terrifying. Constantly, he’d feel anxious and unable to _live_ as an undead.

“I’m not very smitten with him, but I do love him,” Seungkwan continues. “Watching him being so… _hateful_ towards himself kills me, no pun intended. I wish I could help _more_ than I do. I can only do so much… No matter what, I can’t cure his loneliness.”

Ghosts can hardly interact with humanity. Objects are easy for ghosts to manipulate, but they can’t just sit down and talk with a human. The only exceptions might be those people who _swear_ they can hear and see ghosts, but Soonyoung’s never had that experience. He hopes that he’ll never run into someone like that either. A strange human seeing him is worse than him just being unable to be seen by anyone. “Have you written to him?” Soonyoung asks, getting up to get the tea. He’s memorized the seconds before the kettle screams. Just as he’s standing, it goes off and Seungkwan shrugs.

“Don’t you think that’ll scare him to death?” Seungkwan asks, watching as Soonyoung pours two cups of tea. He even accepts the cup that Soonyoung offers. No one encourages Soonyoung to stop pretending he’s human, so he doesn’t. It is just a very intricate game that stops him from breaking down. It makes time pass easier. Since Soonyoung can’t sleep, he has to find things to do to keep busy. Insomnia doesn’t touch ghosts, but Soonyoung can still feel his head swimming whenever he’s unoccupied. Being a ghost requires patience and that’s something that Soonyoung never had much of to begin with.

After he’s back in his seat, Soonyoung returns Seungkwan’s shrug with his own. “Maybe? Probably not. If you think he believes that you are around, then I’d say to go for it. Either he’ll write back to you or he’ll just ignore you.”

At least, if he tries, he’ll be able to communicate with him. If Soonyoung gave a message to Chan or Hansol, then he’d just be shipping them off to therapists. Their parents wouldn’t want to deal with them claiming to be able to talk to their deceased relative. It would do more damage than it would good. If Seungkwan has the option to try to talk to someone who is important to him, then Soonyoung thinks he should try it.

“What would I say?” Seungkwan whispers, eyes wide. “I’ve thought of about a million different things to say to him, but really… I don’t know what I would say....”

From behind him, Soonyoung pulls a piece of paper out of the nearest drawer, then he grabs a pencil. “I bet you haven’t done this in fifty years, so let’s do it together.” The smile that overtakes his feature is bright and Seungkwan finds himself returning it. However, from behind Seungkwan, there’s a brilliant golden flash again. There’s no real shape behind it, but it still draws Soonyoung’s gaze towards it. But just as quick as it appeared, it disappears, leaving Soonyoung with a thousand different questions stirring in his chest.

☄

The door opens at seven forty-one. “Hey,” Joshua calls out into the house. Automatically, Soonyoung appears in front of him from somewhere else in the house. Whenever he rent-a-ghosts, no one knows where he’s coming from or going. Maybe that’s the point of it. Rent-a-ghosting is one of the main things that Joshua doesn’t understand. He knows the science behind it. Hastily, Mingyu had tried to reason it out to him, but he couldn’t think about it as a scientific concept. To him, all it was was a ghost teleporting from one place to another. Which, that’s pretty cool, but Joshua is a little upset that he can’t do it. It gives Soonyoung a way to be lazy, even as a ghost. Joshua wishes that all supernaturals could have cool powers like ghosts have.

“Hey,” Soonyoung chirps, in a better mood now. There’s no telling how his mood improved, but Joshua hopes it has nothing to do with Wonwoo stopping by. While he was out with Jonghyun, he heard about Wonwoo spending his time between the hospital and Junhui’s place. In Joshua’s mind, staying with Junhui wasn’t a step in the right direction. If anything, Joshua thought of it as an extension of his betrayal. Wonwoo couldn’t stay with them right now, so he’d move back to Junhui… Even though he knows better than to entertain the idea, Joshua has to wonder if Wonwoo’s drinking blood that Junhui’s procured. The temptation has to be constantly present. Joshua knows that if he were surrounded by blood, then he wouldn’t be able to deny it for long.

It’s wrong of him to toy with Soonyoung, but he can’t resist trying to turn him against Wonwoo. There’s just so much anger within Joshua that he feels like he has to have an outlet somewhere. For now, Wonwoo seems to be his outlet. He hates that he’s treating Wonwoo like this, but it is so easy to blame him for everything. Jeonghan might be the villain… but Joshua finds him relatable. Their experiences line up so easily. He knows that how Jeonghan is going about this is wrong, but he wants to help him still somehow. Just… _not_ like this.

While shrugging his jacket off, he informs Soonyoung. “Wonwoo is at Junhui’s place, apparently that’s where he is staying until further notice.” It’s fucked up that Joshua enjoys the way that Soonyoung’s smile falls, but he does. There’s damage in his blow, even if Soonyoung won’t admit it. All Mingyu and Soonyoung see is their friend, Wonwoo, but Joshua sees him in a different light. Dragging him into this life… Wonwoo is so familiar with this thirst, yet he gave this pain to someone else. Jeonghan makes sense when he talks about how these older vampires feel too comfortable bringing others into their world. There should be some system to it…

“Can I text him from your phone?” Soonyoung asks, tone falling into a whisper. It is such a simple request, but his voice is quivering. Joshua wonders if that’s his own fault for being so uncaring. In the hospital room, Mingyu had told him about Soonyoung’s feelings for Wonwoo, but he couldn’t imagine them being so permanent. All Soonyoung wants is Wonwoo to come back home. Desperation threatens to break him. Joshua had figured out Soonyoung’s feelings before anyone else did, but getting the confirmation from Mingyu… It felt surreal. All those open looks that Joshua had thought he read too much into. Soonyoung really did have feelings for Wonwoo.

Even though he wants Soonyoung to hate him, he knows that he’d do anything for Mingyu. Even if Mingyu turned completely against him, he’d still try to talk sense into him to get him back. That’s why he hands Soonyoung his phone, Wonwoo’s contact information already pulled up. As soon as Soonyoung has it, he places the phone in his pocket and rent-a-ghosts away from Joshua. “Hey!” Joshua yells to the emptiness. “You have to bring that back!”

“I will!” Soonyoung calls in response from somewhere upstairs. Joshua can’t help but to smile.

☄

Trying to keep tabs on Jeonghan is a hard task. Jonghyun and Junhui refuse to keep him caged up, so he’s able to freely travel, but Wonwoo thinks that just makes him a greater risk to all of them. No one can be sure who is on his side and who isn’t. Jeonghan could be plotting with Nayoung and Minhyun over tea and no one would know any better because they are giving him the control that he doesn’t need. So easily, Jeonghan could go and kidnap Joshua or attack Wonwoo. There’s no reason to trust him, but still, everyone seems to. In the morning, Jeonghan disappears from Junhui’s house only to come back three hours later claiming that he just couldn’t stand staying in one room for any longer.

Wonwoo doesn’t believe him. The message from Mingyu on his phone proves that something had scared him, but even when Mingyu tried to reassure him that he was just being paranoid, Wonwoo couldn’t believe him. Something happened on his way to see his parents _and_ Jeonghan had been nowhere to be found during that time… The pieces are too easy to fit together for Wonwoo to ignore it. Even if no one else wants to come face-to-face with the realization, then he will. Their agreement will hardly mean anything to Jeonghan if he has something planned. Words are just words. No blood oath has been made or will be made on his behalf. All they can do is trust one another blindly. Wonwoo’s never been good at trusting the vampire society to uphold any law. Mingyu shouldn’t have gone alone. Not when Jeonghan’s able to freely move around. He’s too sneaky to be given their full trust.

Why couldn’t anyone else see that?

After he comes back from his three hour absence, he disappears twice more without telling Junhui or him where he’s going. Junhui’s staff never know either, or if they do, they’ve been threatened to keep their silence. Being so close to Jeonghan, Wonwoo hoped he could do more to protect Mingyu and Joshua, but instead, he’s just constantly miffed by Jeonghan’s wild antics. One minute, Jeonghan’s in his room, then the next he’s fifteen miles away. It is too hard to keep up with him when he doesn’t want to be found.

It is eight when Wonwoo realizes that he’s home alone for the third time. Just as he’s getting ready to question the maid about Jeonghan’s whereabouts, his phone vibrates. “Nevermind,” he says, waving her on as he excuses himself into the waiting room. When he pulls his phone out, there’s a message from Joshua sitting there unopened. Just the thought of Joshua messaging him makes his heart sink down into the depths of his stomach. Anxiously, he taps the screen to open the message. _Call me when you are free. - Soonyoung_

 _Soonyoung_. His whole being reaches out for him. All he can think about is that sad noise that he made when Wonwoo confessed to drinking blood. It had ripped through him and caused him to quake. Wonwoo longed to go back to him after he had left, but he knew that he couldn’t repair anything then. What everyone needed was distance from him. Even he needed distance from himself, but that was impossible. Finally, someone other than Mingyu is closing the distance that he’s put between them. Somehow, Soonyoung got a hold of Joshua’s phone. Wonwoo just hopes that this is a good call, not one that furthers all this drama. Their fear doesn’t need to be fed anymore.

Immediately, his fingers maneuver around until he’s calling Joshua’s phone. “Hello?” It takes one ring for Soonyoung to answer. He sounds breathless or maybe he’s just nervous. Either way, he makes Wonwoo feel the same way. All the air in his lungs escapes him and he’s left struggling to relearn such a simple function.

“Hello,” he whispers back. If only he could be sitting right beside Soonyoung. The longing is almost too much for him to bear. It is easy when he doesn’t think about him, but hearing him has Wonwoo physically shaking. _Go to him_ , his mind urges, even if it isn’t the right thing to do. “How are you?” It has only been days, but days feel like eternities without any contact between them. Just a message from Mingyu has him desperate to repair things, but he knows he has to take this at _their_ pace. Specifically, he has to deal with this at Joshua’s pace. When Joshua wants to forgive him, he’ll be forgiven. Until then, he’s stuck here, with Junhui and Jeonghan. Stuck with the fear that something’s about to change, but he has no idea when it will happen. Every night, Baekho’s words ring in his ears.

Who is safe?

Soonyoung, still sounding nervous, giggles. “I’m okay.” His voice is so much smaller on the phone. Wonwoo had imagined him with a boisterous energy while on the phone, but he’s quite tame and even a little timid. “How’re you? Are you with Junhui right now?” He asks, and it isn’t a secret, but Wonwoo is surprised to find out that Soonyoung knows where he is. Either Joshua or him must’ve done some snooping. Jonghyun, Junhui, Jeonghan, and Mingyu were the only ones who knew about him being here, but it wasn’t hard to guess either.

“I’ve been better. Junhui’s still at work, so I’m not with anyone.” He admits. “Jeonghan has been in and out, even though I’m supposed to keep my eye on him, I’m not supposed to follow him or stop him from leaving. So, I’m basically just here to watch him leave and come back.” It isn’t funny, but Wonwoo chuckles. Instead of being funny, it’s sad. Wonwoo has no power to protect anyone, no matter how much he wants to. He’s just uselessly sitting here, waiting for something to happen so that he can try to hold onto those most important to him.

Even though he probably doesn’t think it is funny either, Soonyoung lets out a noise that is strangled. “I miss you so much.” It’s said abruptly and with no tact, but Wonwoo doesn’t mind. “Please come home, please. Mingyu and I aren’t upset at you. We forgive you and Joshua will learn to… He needs time, I’ve talked to him… _Please_.” The conversation takes a quick turn from friendly small talk to what Soonyoung really wants to say. “Come home tonight. Mingyu will come back tomorrow night and we should all be together. We’ve been apart for too long. I don’t want any of this to turn permanent just because we won’t take steps to fix it. If Jeonghan does something, we need to all be here for each other. Wonwoo, we need you.”

All Wonwoo can do is listen. Every other bodily function he has freezes to allow his ears to pick up and process every intake of breath, every word, every small sound from Soonyoung. He can’t afford to miss any part of this moment because, for once, he’s needed. For once, he’s forgiven.

“I need you,” Soonyoung whispers, exhaling heavily. “Everything is too much and I need you to be by my side.”

There’s no outpour of emotion. It is quite simple to understand: Soonyoung needs Wonwoo, and Wonwoo needs Soonyoung. Maybe it has always been like this, or maybe one day it just snuck up on them. Either way, they aren’t there for each other and that has to change. “I’ll be there,” Wonwoo promises, knowing that when he gets there things will be complicated, but he hopes that they’ll be able to overcome them. Joshua and him can’t sit with all this animosity between them forever. One day, it’ll have to change, but it won’t ever if they don’t make some changes.

“Promise?” Soonyoung asks, sounding so delicate.  
The answer is so obvious to Wonwoo. “Promise.”

☄

Joshua and Wonwoo don’t talk.

At first, Soonyoung can’t tell that they are avoiding each other, but then it becomes obvious. The game that they are playing with each other is intense. Wonwoo utilizes his improved hearing to listen to Joshua’s footsteps so that wherever Joshua is, Wonowo isn’t. Also, they stay in their respective rooms… _A lot_. That little detail was hard to miss, but Soonyoung is pretty gullible, in all honesty. He completely believed Joshua when he said that he was painting in his room and he was with Wonwoo most of the time, so he didn’t need to hear his excuses. Soonyoung just guessed (or hoped) that he wanted to spend time with him. It isn’t until lunchtime that Soonyoung gets them together. The whole process being a lot easier than he thought it would be.

“Hi.” Joshua freezes in the middle of the kitchen when Wonwoo walks in. Pretending to pay no attention to the coincidence, Soonyoung reaches into the highest cabinet they have. It is quite the struggle to reach what he needs, but neither Joshua or Wonwoo moves to help him. This is exactly why things need to change. When Joshua and Wonwoo are around each other, nothing else matters except for whatever is sitting in the open between them. Soonyoung’s tired of tripping over it, so they had to start cleaning up their mess before it got too out of hand.

Finally, Soonyoung manages to grab the flour and he topples over, knee sliding off the counter that he was working on climbing onto. A bag of flour is very similar to a water balloon or a harmless bomb. It just needs the appropriate detonation. For a bag of flour, Soonyoung discovers that all a person really needs is a top shelf and a short person. When the bag hits the floor, the room erupts in white. _A whole bag…_ Soonyoung can’t even believe how much flour has been wasted in his fumble. It coats Wonwoo and Joshua’s pants alongside the floor. When Soonyoung laughs, he doesn’t even mean to. It just slips out because this seems like a scene straight from a movie.

Wonwoo and Joshua turn to Soonyoung, who is _definitely_ also covered in flour, but just… not as much. He hadn’t been in the middle of the impact zone. “Oops,” he says, trying his best to look apologetic. In reality, the more he thinks about it, the funnier this scenario gets. “I thought I could reach it!”

“Clearly, you could reach it!” Joshua yells out, unable to keep back his smile. There’s flour in Wonwoo’s hair, but no one says anything about it. “Why didn’t you just ask for help?”

“You two were busy staring at each other like aliens!” Soonyoung shoots back, unintentionally raising his voice. Flour is covering his palms as though he’s been working with it all afternoon. He wishes that were the case.

His outburst quiets Joshua, but Wonwoo falls into laughter. Immediately, Joshua turns to look at him, expression hard. “What?” Wonwoo asks, clutching his stomach. “He’s not wrong.” Because Wonwoo is laughing, Soonyoung starts laughing again. This whole situation is too funny to take seriously. They never have any fun, instead, they are just always yelling or fighting or running away from each other. It is about time that they laughed together.

Awkwardly, Joshua stands in the midst of the them, looking around at the mess. It is as if he’s taking inventory of the damage caused. Maybe he’s angry at Soonyoung, but no one else will have to clean it up. It doesn’t matter because this is Soonyoung’s mess for once. Not Joshua’s, not Wonwoo’s, not Mingyu’s. This is the sort of damage that Soonyoung can do. It’s harmless. Everyone can laugh it off. Even Joshua ends up joining in, unable to believe that this is really happening. He’s honestly standing in the middle of a kitchen dusted in flour.

When Mingyu comes home, this is how he finds them.

☄

A week passes too fast for Joshua. Jeonghan’s promise still rings in his ears whenever he’s alone. Just agreeing to _think_ about meeting could have been taken as a rebellious act, but no one cared to talk about it with him. On this subject, Joshua had to form his own opinions. Wonwoo couldn’t guide him to the right answer. For the first time since becoming a vampire, Joshua had to decide for himself. Whatever he wanted to do, he could do it. No one else had a say in it. Except, Joshua wishes that someone would say _something_. He’s desperate for some guidance. Would meeting with Jeonghan ruin things further? What if he could convince Jeonghan to let all of this go? Maybe Joshua is the key to ending all of this animosity between the Older Ones and the newborns. He also could be a catalyst.

“Mingyu, can we talk?” Avoiding Wonwoo has become tiresome, so he’s done with that game, but that doesn’t mean that he wants to go to him for advice. Mingyu is probably the only person he can talk to in this apartment. He’s well-educated on the supernatural world and wildly intelligent otherwise. Joshua trusts Mingyu’s guidance more than he trusted his own parents. Mingyu’s logic always made sense to him. It’s so easy to go to him when he has a problem. This is a problem, so the answer is simple: go to Mingyu.

He traps him in the bathroom during their morning routine. Usually Mingyu showers while Joshua brushes his teeth and then they switch. Other times, they do the activities together. Today they are switching on and off, toothbrush hanging just out of Joshua’s mouth, toothpaste coating it in an appropriate amount. “Yeah?” He says, seemingly confused by Joshua asking to talk instead of just doing it.

When he agrees, Joshua closes their bathroom door, reveling in the privacy. “Do you think I should meet with Jeonghan today? I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I know… I know how dangerous it could be, but I think that it could be worth it. I want to try to talk him out of this… What do you think?” He’s asking for Mingyu’s honest opinion. Anything less than that is a worthless answer. Deciding whether or not to go is a question that’s been playing in Joshua’s head on an endless loop for a week. Even now, he doesn’t know what to pick. If he goes, what could it hurt? He sees the cons of not going more than he sees the pros. If someone doesn’t try to stop Jeonghan, then something bad _will_ happen, but if they reach out and try to find a better way to go about this…

There’s a part of him that wants to protect Jonghyun just as much as he wants to protect Jeonghan. This doesn’t have to end in death or bloodshed. Jeonghan doesn’t have to overthrow the Older Ones just to get his voice heard. Whenever Joshua talks to Jonghyun, he feels his voice being heard. Jonghyun helps him just as much as Wonwoo has tried. He’s their leader and he does a good job at keeping them safe. Maybe, with Jeonghan, he’s trying too hard to keep him safe and not trying hard enough to keep everyone else safe from him. Joshua has sat across from Jeonghan and he knows his capabilities. If Jonghyun didn’t think of him as a threat, then Joshua should trust him, but he doesn’t think he can. Jeonghan has something stronger than all of the Older Ones: real anger. If he’s trying to seek judgement after placing blame, then he could destroy them all.

The game they are playing is a messy one. Joshua thinks that he’s the only participant taking it seriously.

“I think you should do what you want,” Mingyu says, voice muffled by the running of water. The answer is too simple. Joshua knows that Mingyu has been thinking about this too, especially when he could be putting himself in danger. There’s no telling what Jeonghan’s going to do with him when he tells him that he doesn’t want to be apart of his plans. Still, he has to tell him somehow, someway.

Making an annoyed sound, Joshua starts to vigorously brush his teeth. It isn’t like it matters. The teeth he has are the teeth that he’s stuck with for the rest of his existence. Brushing his teeth is just a familiar motion that he wants to hold onto. Mindlessly, he wonders if Wonwoo still brushes his teeth. Is that a thing that vampires did? Shaking away those thoughts, he pulls the toothbrush out of his mouth so he only has to talk around the toothpaste. “Real answer,” he demands. “What would _you_ do?”

Silence greets him in answer, but Joshua gives Mingyu a minute. Maybe this is something he still needs to think through. If Joshua and Mingyu swapped places, then Joshua wouldn’t know what to say. There’s not always a right or wrong answer though. Sometimes it just is messy and confusing. This time, Joshua just wants to do whatever he can to try to keep things peaceful between the Older Ones and the newborns. As long as a rebellion is avoided, then Joshua will considered himself successful. All he needs is to find a peaceful way to end this all.

“I’d probably end up going… There _is_ a chance that you can empathize with him and if you are the only one, then there’s nothing else we can really try.” Mingyu peeks his head out of the curtain just as Joshua’s spitting. When he raises, he doesn’t catch his own image in the mirror, but he can see Mingyu there clear as day. Forgetting their current conversation, Joshua reaches out to press his palm against the mirror. “All we can do is try at this point.”

“Yeah,” Joshua whispers, agreeing. It is what he had thought from the beginning. This is something that he has to try to deal with, even if it is impossible to stop Jeonghan. If he won’t let anyone else but Joshua in, then Joshua will have to try to make his mark. “I’ll make sure you and others know where we meet up.” He moves his gaze away from the mirror. His mind is made up, there’s no going back now. After breakfast, he’d send a message off to Jeonghan to let him know he’s serious about this. Tonight, they would be meeting again, but Joshua would fix things this time. “Thank you,” he says to Mingyu, turning to give him a kiss before leaving him alone to finish his shower.

☄

_See you at 7, Josh. Address attached. I’m glad we get to meet again._

 

eight **.**

There are times when the world just stops. Everyone experiences it at least once in their life. One second, everything is normal, then the next, everything is suspended in space. It becomes impossible to breathe. Time has only froze for Joshua once before this moment: when he saw Mingyu in his transformed state. He had walked with death then, almost reaching out his hands to welcome it. At that time, he was the only motion in a motionless world. Only, that wasn’t the reality of the situation. In a flash, time caught up with him and he was being thrown across the length of the forest. Everything was a blur, then it was nothing. He wondered if now would be like then.

Jeonghan lays his hand on the back of Joshua’s neck and he feels the world stop as his stomach plummets to his feet.

“Hello there,” he says, pulling him into a hug. Poison is in his touch, but Joshua knows better than to pull away. One wrong move and his whole point of meeting with him will be meaningless. There’s no script for this, so he’s depending on himself. “I’m so glad you made it.” His voice is at Joshua’s ear. Just a whisper. It causes the tectonic plates below Joshua’s skin to shift. His body is an earthquake underneath Jeonghan. When he pulls away, it feels too soon. There’s something magnetic about him that draws Joshua in.

Awkwardly, Joshua rubs at the back of his neck, feeling empty at the loss of contact. “I’m glad I decided to come,” he admits. The smile Jeonghan gives him at his confession makes him feel like he’s supper. He turns away, leading Joshua through the abandoned hotel they are at until they get to room seventeen. While maintaining eye contact, Jeonghan unlocks the door, pushing through it. The room smells musty, old. When Joshua enters, he feels the presence of decades old visitors. Jeonghan closes the door behind him and they both take a seat at a precarious looking table that is meant to mock a dining room. It doesn’t have the same feel, but sometimes all people need is a mirage.

At the corners of the room, the carpet is peeling up. Renovations started at the basement and on the structure of the building. Joshua thinks that the workers look lazy and uncaring. There’s barely a future for this hovel, but still, they have to work on restoring it. “This is where they took Pinky to recruit her, years ago. All she could remember about the room is the number and the ceiling. She said that she stared up at it just hoping that it would crack, that the whole building would collapse.” This isn’t Jeonghan’s story to tell, but Joshua is hooked on it. “This building is still standing. She says that she can’t stand to walk past it. Instead of tearing it down, someone bought it to renovate. ‘Too many happy memories here.’ What an idiot… Hotels are never that happy. Who in their right mind relates hotels to happy memories? When I traveled, I spent all my time in hotels and they were just shitty temporary homes. I always longed to be with my family after a night in one.” Bitterly, he laughs. “Do you want to know about me?”

Even though Joshua doesn’t think he wants to hear about it, he nods. It feels like he’s watching a car crash in reverse.

“Junhui invited me out for dinner. He was my boss, so I didn’t think it was polite to decline. Plus, he’s _so_ handsome. You’ve never worked under him, but all the nurses are always talking about how dreamy him and Minhyun are. I never really thought much about him, but I would have a story to tell my coworkers after that night. They would be so, so jealous and maybe I’d get a pay raise from it…” At that, he snorts, moving a piece of his hair behind his ear. “Such an idiot… I was so _stupid_ for thinking that I’d get anything good from that encounter. It was just an abuse of his power. I didn’t mind much, about dinner, but afterwards…” For a second, he grows silent, staring off into the distance. “He took me home, all gentlemanly, but I invited him up for a drink. _For a fucking drink_.” Again, there’s that laugh that is full of so much bitterness. Hatred floods Jeonghan’s words as he shares his story. “When he agreed, I could have never imagined that I was really asking what he wanted. One second, we’re laughing over drinks, then the next… The next I’m just laying on the floor of my living room. When he moved in close to me, I thought he was going to kiss me, but then I felt his blood running down my neck, then he was clasping his hand over my mouth. There was an instance that I thought he was going to murder me, but then… It was so much _worse_ than that.”

He closes his eyes and Joshua can feel the pain he’s thinking about it. His whole body throbs at the memory. “I was in the forest. I can’t remember much because before that… before that I was attacked by Mingyu.” Just trying to conjure up the memory of his changing is hard. Two types of pain bore down on him. It felt like he was being torn apart from the outside in. All he could remember clearly was the blood. It was everywhere, staining him and the forest. Wonwoo told him later that his head had split on impact. “The next thing I remember is waking up at home, our things in boxes. We had to move… Because Wonwoo didn’t want to get in trouble, he didn’t take me anywhere. Our neighbors called the landlord about how loud we were always being. Just… endless screaming and loud music playing to try to cover it up…” His story isn’t anything like Jeonghan’s or Pinky’s, but he still feels emotional recounting it. When he woke up, his whole life was different. He became a different Joshua, one he hardly recognizes now.

“Minhyun was recruited in a dirty bathroom at some shitty bar. Jonghyun laid next to his dead friends for days. Seungcheol woke up screaming in the trunk of a car. Nayoung was recruited while illegally studying medicine. Junhui finally made a name for himself and then they took it all away from him. Wonwoo woke up beside a monster. We all have these fun stories… They are threads that connect each one of us, but the Older Ones just let their pasts rot. I don’t want to forget how helpless they made me feel. I don’t want to forget how they took my life away from me because they had _no right_ to do that.” At this point, he’s leaning across the wobbly table, getting visibly upset. “Don’t you see how we are just toys to them? The Older Ones just handpick us and turn us into these _monsters_.”

His words ring true in Joshua’s head, but his story isn’t the same. For him, there was no handpicking. Joshua had been recruited because Wonwoo didn’t want to let him die. As hard as it is for Joshua to understand Wonwoo, he knows that he can’t blame him for wishing this life on him. All Wonwoo wanted was Joshua to cheat death. If Wonwoo hadn’t recruited him then… He wouldn’t be here now. Mingyu would have murdered him. Then, what would have happened after that? Everything he imagines is terrifying. He’s happier that he’s alive, even like this.

“I wasn’t… That didn’t happen to me, Jeonghan.” Joshua says quietly. From the beginning, Jeonghan’s seen himself in Joshua, but Joshua doesn’t know if that’s how he should be looking at it. Their feelings aren’t the same. Even if they are both angry, it doesn’t match up. Joshua’s anger is directed towards himself, towards the world, wrongly towards Wonwoo for making an impossible decision, while Jeonghan’s anger is saved solely for the Older Ones. If Joshua wanted to align himself with Jeonghan, he couldn’t. They aren’t even on the same page. “I can’t join you. Whatever plans you have? I can’t be apart of them.”

Immediately, Jeonghan is drawn back into his seat. “Without hearing about them, you’ve decided?” His voice shrinks. The fight is over before it even begins. There’s something in Joshua’s gaze that makes Jeonghan hesitant.

“I don’t need to hear your plans,” he tries to sound sure of himself. That magnetism of Jeonghan’s threatens to undo him though. In an instance, Jeonghan could pluck the right words to make Joshua feel his anger, but Joshua knows that they are too different to stand side-by-side. Never would he have agreed to his ideas, but there had been a part of him reaching towards Jeonghan. Having someone to understand him… That’s all he wants from Jeonghan, but what Jeonghan wants from him is so much darker. “I will listen to you, but I can’t follow you. We aren’t… _This_ isn’t right. If I joined you, then I wouldn’t be fighting for your cause. We’re different.”

As though it is possible, Jeonghan tries to draw back further. This isn’t how he wants the conversation to go, Joshua can see it written all over his face. For once, Joshua has the upperhand, but he doesn’t know what to do with it. “We’re different…” Jeonghan repeats hollowly, holding his hand up to this mouth.

 _We can be more than this,_ Joshua wants to say, but that’s a promise he doesn’t know if he can make. “I want justice for myself _from_ myself. You want to get even with the people that have hurt you. Our paths aren’t even similar. I want to torture myself, but you want to torture everyone.” In an instance, his last syllable still falling off his tongue, Jeonghan gets his hands around Joshua’s neck.

“I _do_ want to torture everyone,” Jeonghan says, digging his nails into his skin. This can’t kill him, but a rush of terror and panic attacks Joshua. In such a situation, he should be calm and still, but no one knows where they are. No one could hear him if he screamed at the top of his lungs. If Jeonghan decides to rip into his flesh, there’s nothing Joshua can do except fight back. Is that what Jeonghan wants from this? Joshua’s never been one to put up a fight. “Should I start with you? Huh?” Pressure is added, but he’s meticulous about his movements. All of them are measured. He’s ready for whatever the future has in store for him. When he makes his move, he plans on being the strongest in the room. With whoever might stand behind him, he will do some sort of damage.

Going slack in his arms, Joshua reminds himself not to fight against him. “You won’t hurt me.” It is hard to keep his tone even when he’s terrified, but this moment is important. This is where one wrong move will change everything. “Because no matter what, even if I don’t want to be apart of it, I want to help you.”

The pressure lessens, then disappears. Suddenly, Joshua’s on the floor, staring up at Jeonghan. “Go on.” He commands. “Tell me what you mean by that.”

“Whatever you need from me, I’ll do it.” Joshua says, fear driving him to make an agreement he won’t ever be able to keep. Anything that Jeonghan wants from him is dangerous, but if there’s no opening to talk Jeonghan out of this, then Joshua has to make sure to stay on his good side. Last time, he hadn’t protected Mingyu, but this time, he would. “As long as you promise to keep Mingyu safe. He’s not apart of any of this.”

This seems to be what Jeonghan wants to hear. He flashes a dark smile and extends his hand. “Deal.”  
Joshua feels like he’s made a mistake.

☄

For awhile, it’s too calm.

Wonwoo understands the feeling that so many authors try to capture. In the air, there’s a heaviness that threatens without explaining why. Something is on the verge of happening, but so many factors are unknown. One crack would be all it takes to expose Jeonghan’s plans, but no one’s cracking. Even Joshua gives nothing away from his meeting. He just meets everyone’s questions with shrugs and blank gazes. Either he knows nothing or too much, but no one can tell which it is. The marks in his neck tell a story, but they don’t give away the ending.

“Seungkwan says that worrying can still give vampires wrinkles,” Soonyoung warns, laying on his stomach across the length of Wonwoo’s bed. The book in his hands is probably close to ancient, but Wonwoo doesn’t mind when Soonyoung messes with his things. He gives them more use than Wonwoo does. Even his bed is more used to Soonyoung’s body than it is to his. At his voice, Wonwoo drags himself away from his closet, opting for his bed instead. Lightly, he pushes at Soonyoung’s body so he can lay beside him.

Laughing, Wonwoo turns over onto his back. “Seungkwan didn’t even know a vampire until me.”

Very seriously, Soonyoung gives him a look that is supposed to be stern, but Wonwoo just thinks it’s adorable. “He read it somewhere.” He informs him, as though Seungkwan is a professional on vampires.

“Where? Vampires’ Life?” He’s still laughing. Never, in all the centuries he’s been alive, has Wonwoo experienced his body changing. While mirrors can’t change his reflection, he can still look at himself in semi-reflective surfaces. Plus, if he started forming wrinkles, then Junhui or Jonghyun would say something… Actually, they’d probably have them too. Especially Jonghyun.

Annoyed with his laughter, Soonyoung pushes against his shoulder. “You _jerk_ ,” he whines. “Listen to me, I’m being serious. I think I see a wrinkle right here.” Soonyoung’s finger presses against Wonwoo’s skin, but there’s barely any pressure behind it. His touch traces an invisible line on his cheek and that simple motion quiets all the thoughts in Wonwoo’s head. “What are we going to do about that? Should I have Mingyu pick up some anti-aging cream?”

The book falls from Soonyoung’s hand, merely an afterthought now. Squirming, he manages to position himself so he’s hovering just above Wonwoo. Fondness sits openly between them. Wonwoo can’t help the smile that Soonyoung brings to his lips with his little pout. “No, no. I like being old. Maybe if I have some wrinkles, I’ll start to look my age.” His hand brushes against Soonyoung’s side, drawing a path to his neck. He wants to anchor Soonyoung to this moment, but he knows that he could disappear right underneath his fingertips if he wanted to. Wonwoo just hopes that he never wants to put distance between them. The way they are now feels like a dream.

“ _Gross_ ,” Soonyoung makes a face, sticking his tongue out. “I couldn’t kiss you if you looked like a _corpse_.”

Humming, Wonwoo leans up to lick at the tip of Soonyoung’s nose mockingly. “A corpse? You wouldn’t kiss a corpse? I—”

“If you are about to compare kissing _me_ to kissing a _corpse_ , then you are going to be sorry.” Soonyoung warns, dipping low to press a kiss against Wonwoo’s neck. “Life would _suck_ without my kisses.” Slowly, he works his way up Wonwoo’s neck until he’s at his chin. There, he pauses until Wonwoo’s eyes flutter open. “ _You_ ,” he whispers.

Emotion is sitting plain on Soonyoung’s face. Wonwoo can hear the _I love you_ underneath all the rest of the noise. “ _You_ ,” Wonwoo parrots, rubbing their noses together. “I couldn’t imagine life without you. I don’t know how I’ve lived until now, unless I was living just to end up here.” His words are unnecessarily sweet, but honest.

To Soonyoung, this is bigger than an _I love you_. “Wonwoo,” he whispers, but his voice is barely audible. “I’m not even _real_.” There are so many arguments he could have prepared, but Wonwoo doesn’t want to hear any of them. All he wants is _this_. What they have between them is something that Wonwoo has been searching for for a long time. He thought that he might get there with Junhui, but that had turned so sour that his tongue fell off. _This_ , this is sweet, this is perfect. Wonwoo could get lost in it.

“To me, you are the realest thing in this world.” Softly, Wonwoo presses his lips against Soonyoung’s, lingering there for only seconds before laying back down. His fingers brush through Soonyoung’s hair. “For _centuries_ I’ve never experienced anything like this. This emotion between us? It makes me feel _human_. When I lie with you like this, I don’t feel like a monster. All my life, I’ve just been used and manipulated. If not by others, then by myself, but you don’t hold any expectations. You just have all this love and you give it so freely. I’ve never met anyone like you.” Soonyoung doesn’t look away from him as he speaks. His words aren’t captivating, but he wants to hold Soonyoung’s attention forever. Being at the center of his universe makes Wonwoo feel like the most important person in the world. He can only imagine how Soonyoung treated his friends and family. If this is the type of love he gives, then he surrounds them. Nothing about his love is suffocating.

A noise slips free from Soonyoung’s throat. It sounds so lost and broken that Wonwoo freezes, brow knitting together. “If I could turn back time…”

Wonwoo shakes his head, leaning up to press their foreheads together. “If you did, we wouldn’t coexist like this. Maybe all this suffering was supposed to happen so that I could reach you.”

Drawing back, Soonyoung starts to chew on his lip as though he’s trying to think of how he wants to phrase his thoughts. Because he’s patient, Wonwoo waits, absently playing with the neck of his sweater. “I’d never wish any of your suffering on you, you know that, right? If you _had_ to suffer to get to me, I’d rather you find happiness some other way, but since… since we are like this now and you did suffer to get here, I want you to know that I’ll never ask you to suffer again. If you have to, then you can share the pain with me. I’m pretty tough.” He giggles, wrinkling his nose up. Wonwoo’s never been more in love.

“I think I could take you on,” Wonwoo teases, knocking their noses together. Still giggling, Soonyoung swoops down to pepper kisses against Wonwoo’s lips. This simplicity is what he isn’t allowed to have anymore, but he’s found it with Soonyoung. If only the rest of forever could play on like this. No unfinished business to figure out, no vampire drama. Just being totally drenched in love and happiness for an eternity. Soonyoung deserves that.

Across the room, Wonwoo’s phone rings, tearing them apart. “Jonghyun?” Soonyoung asks, climbing onto his knees and watching Wonwoo as he crosses the room to check it. “He was having problems the other day, wasn’t he? With Seungcheol?”

When he reaches his phone there’s a message from Jonghyun asking to meet up. _Seungcheol has defected. Hospital._

“Yeah, it is Seungcheol again.” This time when Wonwoo goes into his closet, he pulls out a change of clothes. “Jonghyun wants me to meet him at the hospital, so I guess I’ll head over there.” While he’s changing, he can hear Soonyoung move around the room, picking the book up and placing it back on Wonwoo’s bookshelf.

“Is it safe to meet with him?” Soonyoung asks, tapping his fingers against the window. Periodically, they can hear the sound of rushing water which means that Seokmin is probably out watering his flowers again. “Can I come?”

Wonwoo wants to say no, but Soonyoung doesn’t react well whenever he denies him. _If it is safe, then why can’t I go?_ He can hear his response now, see how he would put his hands on his hips. The only reason he doesn’t want to bring him along has to do with Jeonghan still being out there and unaccounted for. In an instance, they could be under attack and when it happens, he doesn’t want Soonyoung to be around. Ghosts can’t sustain injuries usually, but supernaturals tended to bend the rules. While he doesn’t know if Jeonghan can banish him, he does know that some vampires have the power to call upon the men with sticks and rope. Never would Wonwoo subject Soonyoung to meeting them again. Plus, they only ever let someone cheat death once. Soonyoung doesn’t get a second chance if they find him.

“I’d prefer if you didn’t, but you can,” Wonwoo doesn’t look at Soonyoung when he answers. “I doubt it is dangerous, but we don’t know what Jeonghan’s planning. If Baekho is right and he wants to stage a coup, then he’ll make his first attack on _his_ time. All we can do is keep our guard up.” Once he’s dressed, he turns to Soonyoung.

“Seokmin’s so cute,” Soonyoung smiles down at him. “I had the _biggest_ crush on him until I met his wife.” Then his gaze is directed towards Wonwoo. “You ready?” There’s no talking him out of it, even with honesty.

Were all ghosts this brave? Wonwoo remembers how Minki wouldn’t turn away from any challenge and how Seungkwan does anything he can for his friend. Maybe ghosts needed to start teaching the other supernaturals. “Yeah, let’s get going then.” He tilts his head towards the door and Soonyoung bounds towards it, but Wonwoo lingers by the window to peer down at Seokmin. When he does, Seokmin catches sight of him and waves.

“Don’t worry,” Soonyoung calls from the doorway, stealing Wonwoo’s attention. “My crush on you is _triple_ that size.”

☄

No one knows where anyone else stands. Wonwoo finds that out when he goes to meet with Jonghyun. Weakness is spreading through them, contaminating the trust that they had supposedly established. Seungcheol started a power struggle to try to spark Jeonghan’s plan into action, but Jonghyun hadn’t fallen for it. Procedures under their law are always carried out swiftly. That way, there’s no opening for arguments. Anyone who didn’t agree with Jonghyun would be annexed. After that, they had two options: start their own coven or live on their own. Usually the ones who wanted to lead lives apart from vampire society removed themselves, but the other group usually staged rebellious acts to get attention. Wonwoo can’t blame Seungcheol, especially when controlling Seoul would make him the strongest vampire in South Korea.

“Nayoung?” Minhyun’s voice drops to a whisper. Soonyoung, Mingyu, Wonwoo, and Joshua are huddled close around Jonghyun and him. Their conversations have to be quiet, especially with other vampires lurking around. There’s no one who can be trusted outside of them, and Wonwoo’s not sure that they can truly be trusted either.

To his inquiry, most shrug, but Mingyu has thoughts on all of them. It makes Wonwoo wonder if he’s been keeping a close watch on them all this time. Being kidnapped must’ve made him paranoid. “Nayoung’s trustworthy and respectable. She’s safe, but I can’t say the same for Jieqiong. Any newer vampires haven’t had enough time to establish trust with you. I’d say to detain her before she can cause any problems. If Jeonghan’s gotten into her head, then she could take Nayoung’s kindness for manipulation.” Mingyu was made for strategy, plus he knows about Baekho’s warning. They all should be trying to reason out who will stage the coup and who is the target.

Obviously, it should be Jonghyun, but Wonwoo could reason out why they would target Minhyun or Nayoung. Their next step after detaining Jieqiong should be to make sure Nayoung, Minhyun, and Jonghyun are safe or surrounded. “She’s at reception,” Jonghyun informs them, then turns to Minhyun. “Go with Mingyu and get her. We’ll put her in your territory, Minhyun.”

After receiving his orders, Minhyun is in motion. He doesn’t even wait for Mingyu to catch up to him. Almost a century of loyalty to Jonghyun and he still jumps whenever Jonghyun says to. With time, he had detached more and more from Junhui, but it is the opposite with Jonghyun and Minhyun. Wonwoo can’t help but to wonder if it has to do with the recruitment process. Are they so close because Jonghyun saved him while he was a vampire? If Junhui hadn’t been the one to change him, would he be more receptive to him?

Wonwoo turns back to Jonghyun after Mingyu and Minhyun disappear from view. “Are you sure he didn’t say anything important in your meeting?” Jonghyun’s asking Joshua. There’s no telling what Jeonghan and him had discussed during their meeting. Not even Mingyu heard about it afterwards. Joshua had met with Jeonghan, then closed himself off from everyone. Something about his behavior makes Wonwoo doubtful of him, but he knows better than to voice his worries concerning Joshua. He didn’t need another fight to break out among them just after they’ve started to make amends.

“He did a lot of talking, but nothing about his plans.” Joshua is convincing now, but when Wonwoo had asked him, he couldn’t even look him in the eyes. Maybe that’s why Wonwoo didn’t fully trust him with this. “Are Mingyu and Minhyun going to be okay?” He changes the subject easily. It softens Jonghyun.

“They’re smart and strong,” Jonghyun answers confidently. “I trust them to get the job done safely, although it might take time. The location they’ll be holding Jieqiong at is… quite far from here. It might be an hour before they are back. Do you want to go into the archives for a bit?” The last question is directed at all of them. Soonyoung looks at Wonwoo for an answer, but Joshua decides for them with a nod. “Alright.” Jonghyun smiles easily, “Come with me.”

He leads them into a room that Wonwoo is familiar with. While he’s never worked here, Jonghyun is always found in the archives. Shelving files seems to be his life’s greatest pleasure. The job grants him silence and loneliness, which he doesn’t mind. Wonwoo relates his job to Jonghyun’s even though they aren’t too alike. Both of them are solitary occupations: Wonwoo’s only companions are dead bodies and Jonghyun’s are uncategorized files. When they enter, Wonwoo takes inventory of the room and discovers that it looks exactly the same as when he last came in. Absently, he runs his fingers over a stack of folders nearest to the door. “These for the morgue?”

“Incorrectly sent here,” Jonghyun nods. “I was going to send Junhui down with them today, but you can look through them. A couple of them are years old, while most are from a couple months ago. The last mortician didn’t like to keep the files like you do, I guess.” He shrugs, pulling a chair out from underneath a stack of precariously placed folders. They all scatter when he moves the chair, but it just gives him more work for later. Joshua and Soonyoung look lost, standing in the middle of the room. “Take a seat wherever you can find one.” Jonghyun instructs, pointing towards a couple chairs hiding in plain sight underneath the weight of files.

Moving unsurely, Joshua and Soonyoung obey him, but both of them opt for civilly clearing the chairs. After they’ve sat down, Wonwoo returns his attention to the files, flipping through the names. “I don’t recognize any of these names,” he whistles, moving onto the second stack, the more recently deceased. “Why would they send them up here? There’s so much more room downstairs… Plus these won’t ever be needed again.” Record of the deceased weren’t usually required unless there was an ongoing investigation. Most morgue patients ended up there because there was no telling what killed them. Wonwoo’s job was to find out how a person met their untimely end so that their story could be finished. Without an ending, what would a story be?

There’s a name that causes Wonwoo to freeze, vision tunneling.

“Can I look through these?” Behind him, he can hear Soonyoung, but he can’t process much else. Jonghyun’s reply sounds muffled, as though Wonwoo’s suddenly been submerged. His hands shake as he pulls the file out of the stack. The rest of them clatter to the ground around his feet, but he pays them no mind. _Kwon Soonyoung_.

“Wonwoo?” Jonghyun’s voice reaches him, tearing him back into the present. “What’d you find?” Interested, he inclines his head towards it, leafing through some stray papers on a cart next to him. “Anything interesting?”

Joshua and Soonyoung are watching him carefully, following his movements. He’s only looking at Soonyoung though, unable to look away. “You don’t remember how you died?” His voice is fragile when he finds it. The anticipation is killing everyone in the room, Wonwoo can feel it. There’s something in his hands that answers a question that has went unanswered for far too long. “This is yours.” He’s only talking to Soonyoung. As he reaches the file out towards him, Soonyoung realizes it too.

“My…” His eyes get bigger as he stands to cross the distance between them.

Even Joshua and Jonghyun are interested now, leaning forward in their seat. The papers that Jonghyun was looking through are forgotten on his lap. “Go ahead,” Joshua urges, pressing a supportive hand against his elbow. “You’ve been wondering about it for too long.” Wonwoo doesn’t think that knowing how he died will change anything, but there’s a lot of weight underneath it all. What if he was murdered? How does a ghost cope with the fact that they were murdered? It is likely that Soonyoung already thinks that’s what happened to him since the police had been called in to investigate the circumstances around his death. No details were released, so there still could be an ongoing investigation. Knowing how he died would show him if murder was likely or not. Wonwoo finds himself holding his breath as Soonyoung flips open the file folder in his hands.

It takes him a minute to read through it, then another to process it as he rereads it. Wonwoo follows the path of his eyes, trying to categorize each micromovement. He’s desperate to know how this’ll effect Soonyoung. “Oh,” Soonyoung whispers, letting his file fall out of his hand. It slides close to Joshua, but he doesn’t move. All eyes are full of expectation and trained on Soonyoung. “A gas leak killed me.”

☄

When a vampire dies, their whole body burns from the inside out. Wonwoo’s never seen it before, but everyone else has: the memory of it still haunting them. For them, it acts as a reminder that they are not permanent. It’s a fact that Wonwoo understands without the experience. He doesn’t need to see anyone die to understand that nothing can stay. The world has always maintained that rule, even the impossible existence of the supernatural can’t truly defy it. Werewolves, ghosts, vampires all would meet their end eventually, but a deal with the universe was a deal. The curse exchanged for eternal life. Some thought that was fair, but Wonwoo could only see it as torturous.

He’d do anything to take away all this pain and replace it with happiness. These people that surround him aren’t the people that made dealings with the invisible forces of the universes. Jonghyun, Nayoung, Jeonghan, none of them asked for eternal life. Greediness invited them into this world and fear of death kept them anchored. It is the same for Wonwoo. This life isn’t fair, but it is the only life they have. Wonwoo would gather have this than nothing.

Or, he’d rather have _this_ but safe. The stake at Junhui’s throat threatens to destroy everything in an instance. It makes them look like jokes. All along, Jeonghan’s target hadn’t been Jonghyun. The type of revenge he wants is directly merited to the person who has hurt him the most, _Junhui_. “Don’t fucking move or I’ll kill him.” Seungcheol threatens, pressing the wood hard against Junhui’s throat. From all the way across the morgue, Wonwoo can see Junhui swallow anxiously. In two hundred years, death has kept its distance from Junhui, but now it comes in close. With Junhui’s death, would happiness come? Wonwoo is conflicted, but he obeys Seungcheol.

Familiar with the consequence of missteps, Wonwoo just waits and watches. Soon enough, there will be an opening and he can figure out a way to end this without that stake ending up through Junhui. Beside him, Joshua is shivering, but it isn’t because of the cold. “Let him go,” Jonghyun says from behind them, tone even. There’s a strength in him that Wonwoo can’t even comprehend. “It’s me that _you_ want, isn’t it? Jeonghan might want to hurt him, but your plans are so much bigger than his are.” Against his commands, Jonghyun steps closer, placing himself in front of Wonwoo, Soonyoung, and Joshua. It is almost like he’s trying to keep them safe. _Why_? Wonwoo wonders because he knows that he’s not worth Jonghyun’s life.

“I said _stay back_ ,” Seungcheol growls, stepping forward and pushing Junhui along with him. In his hands, Junhui is just a puppet. All his life, Wonwoo had wanted to see Junhui powerless, but now that he does, he feels sick. “And shut the fuck up, you don’t know what you are saying. You know _nothing_ about me. All these years we’ve spent together, but all you’ve done is sidelined me.”

Wonwoo can _hear_ how Seungcheol is. There’s no care left in his voice. _This_ Seungcheol isn’t the one that Wonwoo used to talk to over drinks. No, that Seungcheol is too far gone. He’s lost to the past now that Jeonghan’s gotten in his head. “You know that’s not true. I’ve never depended on anyone more than you. When I can’t lead, you are the one who takes over. Everyone trusts you.” Not even a trace of anxiety is in Jonghyun’s voice.

“Junhui sure trusts me, doesn’t he?” Seungcheol turns to look Junhui in the eyes. Terror sits in Junhui’s gaze and everyone can see it. Beside Wonwoo, Soonyoung steps closer and tries not to breathe. A life is dangling in the air. Everyone can feel the suspense and horror, except for Jonghyun who takes cautious steps towards Seungcheol. As if sensing him, Seungcheol turns back and holds the stake out, hands not leaving Junhui. “You _need_ to learn to take me seriously, Jonghyun.” The weight of the threat hits Jonghyun finally and he stops.

Tension held in the air starts to spark, threatening to ignite the whole room.

For once, Seungcheol commands a whole room without Jonghyun’s permission. Wonwoo thinks that it must feel like playing with fire: dangerous yet delightful, addictive. “Wonwoo,” Soonyoung whispers, but it ends up echoing in the silent room. Any interruptions to Seungcheol’s show are met with anger. This time, he begins to angle the point of the stake against Junhui’s skin. Where it touches, it burns. The smell of seared flesh quickly floods the room.

The situation isn’t funny, but Seungcheol still laughs. “I’m a joke to all of you, aren’t I?”

“Yeah,” comes a voice from behind him, knocking him off his feet in one swift movement. “ _Fucker_.”

As soon as Seungcheol lets go of him, Junhui puts as much distance between them as possible. The stake is now in the stranger’s hands, but Wonwoo doesn’t find himself scared. “Minghao, toss it aside,” Jonghyun instructs, but Minghao holds fast to it. This time, however, it is trained on Seungcheol.

Wonwoo catches Junhui as he stumbles towards him. “Are you okay?” He asks Junhui, fingers running over his seared skin. Soonyoung places a hand on his arm and probably feels the rush of adrenaline and fear pulsing through his body. “Who’s Minghao?” Wonwoo finds himself asking after he’s ascertained that Junhui’s healthy.

“He’s the leader of the largest coven in China and probably the oldest vampire in the world.” When Junhui speaks, his voice wavers and he shrinks in on himself. “I called him when things started to get bad. Other than Jonghyun, he’s the only one who has any real _power_ , you know? I thought he could help balance things, but he got here too late. Seungcheol and Jeonghan were past the point of conversation.” Because he’s too absorbed in trying to decipher what Junhui’s saying between his gulping breaths, Wonwoo misses his chance at stopping Joshua’s attack.

In his absence of movement, Soonyoung is a hurricane. “Joshua!” He calls out to him, trying to grab hold of him. In retaliation, Joshua slams his side into Soonyoung and knocks him backwards. His path is set and he’s not letting Soonyoung interrupt him. Wonwoo moves quickly to replace Soonyoung. Throwing himself at Joshua isn’t the smartest plan to execute, but there’s not more he can do to stop him from reaching Jonghyun. Luckily, his legs are long, so when he propels himself forward, he’s able to cross more distance than he thought possible. With his arms outstretched, he tries to take Joshua down to the ground before he can get his hands on Jonghyun.

When they hit the ground, both of them cry out in pain. “Get off me,” Joshua warns, voice low, but he doesn’t scare Wonwoo. “Get _off_!” He thrashes around, but Wonwoo holds tight to him. If he can’t soothe him, so be it, but he’s not letting him go. Seungcheol’s failure doesn’t get to mean Joshua’s success.

“Why would you?” Wonwoo asks, letting Joshua’s hits land wherever. This anger will pass because Joshua never feels anything for too long. “What are they holding against you? How is it more important than us?”

Joshua pushes forward and Wonwoo is so weak, but he presses down against him in an attempt to knock him down. “I can’t let them get Mingyu again,” he says and for the first time since Mingyu’s kidnapping, Wonwoo sees just how exposed Joshua feels. The only thing he has left in the world keeps being threatened and he’s desperate to keep him safe. “If I help them, then they’ll leave Mingyu alone and that’s enough for me, okay? I don’t care about any of _this_ , I only care about _him_.” The look in his eyes scares Wonwoo because it tells him how serious he is. If it is for Mingyu, then he’ll destroy the whole world. “ _You_ changed me into this monster. Before, I wouldn’t have so much as _thought_ of hurting anyone, not even a murderer, but now I can’t even be _happy_ without my hands around someone’s neck.” There’s something wild about him, but Wonwoo knows better than to let go of him. He’d rather be his punching bag then see what kind of damage he could do to protect Mingyu.

Some distance away, Minghao is digging his knee into Seungcheol’s back while Jonghyun tries to talk to him. Directly to his right, Junhui and Soonyoung are standing near each other but not talking. Both look worse for wear with their wide eyes and trembling frames. How they look is how Wonwoo feels. The whole scenario feels surreal. Everything is moving too fast and too slow. It makes Wonwoo feel nauseous and light-headed. All he wants to do is close his eyes and be back in his room with Soonyoung laying next to him. None of this pain should exist.

“Take him,” Wonwoo throws Joshua towards Soonyoung. “Before Jonghyun realizes what’s happening and tries to detain him too, take him back to the house. If you swaddle him in your sweater, then you’ll be able to rent-a-ghost with him.” His speech fastens as he realizes what will happen to Joshua for this betrayal. Siding with Jeonghan right now is dangerous. At the end of this, if Jeonghan isn’t the winner, then Jonghyun’s punishments will be cruel. Above all, he was born during the war and he knows how to tear vampires apart just as easily as men.

This is where the sickest game starts.

 


	5. season finale

nine **.**

Soonyoung’s hands are grasping onto Joshua, but for the first time, he actually feels like a ghost. Instead of holding onto him, his hands just seem to disappear through him. Still, Joshua thrashes against him, fighting to be released from a hold that barely traps him. This happens from time to time, whenever he’s too far away from his apartment, he starts to lose his dimension. In another hour, he’ll merely be an outline. That’s why he has to act fast. Wonwoo’s instructions are still ringing in his ears, but he doesn’t understand them. _Swaddle?_ He looks down at his sweater, then back at Joshua who won’t stay still. _With my sweater?_ There’s no way that he’s getting Joshua to stay completely enveloped in his sweater no matter how large it is. He can try to appease Wonwoo, but the probability of this idea working is slim to none.

“Please let me do this,” Soonyoung isn’t above begging as a tactic to get Joshua to calm down. “If we don’t get you home, then…” _Then what?_ Something bad will happen, but Soonyoung doesn’t know _what_. All he knows is that when Wonwoo threw Joshua over to him, a panic overtook him. In his eyes, Soonyoung saw the future of what could be if they didn’t take this into their own hands. Playing this game is dangerous, maybe that’s why Wonwoo wants them to take things into their own hands. Joshua’s actions will have consequences and Soonyoung can only imagine what they might be. Protecting him has become the main objective at the moment. There’s always someone willing to protect the Older Ones, but no one is here to protect Joshua. If they had been there, then this miss would’ve never happened.

Carefully, Soonyoung tries to hide Joshua in his oversized sweater. There’s no way this will work, but he’s willing to try. Directing his body is hard, but for some reason, Joshua is strangely compliant. When Soonyoung asks him to bend, he does, but it just feels silly. “Try to wrap about my body.” Soonyoung changes his tactic, trying to give Joshua more room to fit. Their main issue is his legs, but maybe they can work something out so his sweater fits over him _just_ enough that rent-a-ghosting is possible. All he needs to do is get them home.

It’s hard for Soonyoung to concentrate, but eventually he gets it. His sweater is stretched to its absolute maximum, but he’s not worried about ruining it. Actually, it seems to have grown to accommodate his swaddling. Odder things have happened during his time as a ghost, so he could believe that his sweater has suddenly warped to fit Joshua. When Wonwoo had first introduced swaddling to him, it had just been in passing, but he mentioned that all ghosts could do it. Their outfit didn’t matter, just their goal. Pulling on his sweater had made it grow, but he couldn’t explain how. Science just continues to fail him. Supernaturals should warn humans that the laws of science aren’t as real as they explain them to be. Slacking off in science class is definitely a viable option, especially for a future vampire, ghost, or werewolf. _Well, maybe not for a future werewolf since they have everything to do with the moon and gravity and like, tides or something_. Absentmindedly, Soonyoung shakes himself out of his thoughts.

Rent-a-ghosting requires extreme concentration. Soonyoung has to be able to visualize the place he wants to be. If he doesn’t, then he just appears a couple feet to the left. At first, learning how to properly rent-a-ghost annoyed him. No matter how much he practiced, he would only appear to the immediate left of wherever he was. Now, he’s much better at it, but he’s still not a professional. Most of the time, he ended up where he wanted to be, but he did have a few glitches. If too many things were on his mind, sometimes he’d end up somewhere totally different than where he wanted to be. That’s why he never is surprised to open his eyes and find himself elsewhere.

However, their apartment is easy to imagine. _Home_ , just the concept alone, belongs to Wonwoo’s bed with its downy softness and happy memories. Conjuring an image of it is too easy. When he opens his eyes, Joshua and him are on the floor of Wonwoo’s bedroom like magic is real. Immediately, Soonyoung uncovers Joshua, separating them from each other now that they are back at the apartment.

“That’s amazing,” Joshua says, so much calmer now than he was before. “How do you even do that?”

“Swaddling,” he answers as though it is that simple. “It is a bit like teleportation, but Wonwoo says that if I cover someone up, I can rent-a-ghost with them as long as I swaddle them in my clothes. It tricks the universe into thinking you are a part of me.” There’s probably a flaw in his explanation, but that’s how Soonyoung understands it.

Both of them sit there for a minute, collecting themselves. Miles away, Wonwoo is fending for himself and miles away from him, Mingyu is working for the very people that will want to punish Joshua for his actions. All Joshua wants is for him to be safe, but Soonyoung thinks that siding with Jeonghan might be counterproductive. Honestly, he wouldn’t be surprised if they took Mingyu captive until Joshua stepped forward. Hopefully, Wonwoo can get to Mingyu before they do.

After Soonyoung catches his breath, he lightly touches the inside of Joshua’s elbow. “You okay?” That question is always a loaded one, so he knows the risk in asking Joshua. Anger hadn’t been an emotion Joshua wore until today. Seeing him act on pure emotion alone was alarming and terrifying, but hearing his reasons why, Soonyoung can’t help but to relate to him. He can’t imagine what he’d do in Joshua’s position, but he can imagine how he’d feel. Desperation is a friend of Soonyoung’s. It sits beside loneliness and makes his insides turn with a sickness that doesn’t have a cure. All it does is fester until Soonyoung’s rotting from the inside out. Does Joshua feel it too?

“No,” Joshua laughs. “I’m going to try to call Mingyu.”

At his announcement, he stands to leave the room while digging his phone out of his pocket. In his absence, Soonyoung lays down on the floor so he can stare at the ceiling. When this was his room, he had constellations etched there with glow stars. He had studied maps until he could replicate the positioning of the brightest ones. After he died, his cousins had collected them. His head had felt so heavy as Chan plucked them off and made wishes as he dropped them into the box Hansol was holding. Each star was a bigger, more desperate wish that could never be granted. All Chan had really asked for, in the end, was Soonyoung to be with him again.

The tears slide down his face without him even realizing. To Soonyoung, it is bizarre that he can still cry. Most of his functions had been taken away from him, but he got to keep the moisture behind his eyes. Out of everything… Soonyoung always had hated crying. His emotions had complete control over him, so much so that whenever he felt something, he felt it completely, then usually ended up crying. Happiness made him cry just as easily as anger and sadness. His emotions ruled him completely and he never was able to regain control of them.

He wishes that he could call out for Wonwoo. Even though their apartment isn’t empty, Soonyoung can still feel Wonwoo’s absence. Slowly, he picks himself up off the floor and runs his fingers against Wonwoo’s comforter. Just this morning, they had been absorbed in each other, but now something dark was brewing, threatening to destroy the family that they are trying to build. Soonyoung doesn’t like the idea of being without any of his roommates. Even though they’ve only been together for a short time, Soonyoung finds himself hoping that they won’t lose each other. This shouldn’t be strong enough to break them, even though he knows that it is so much bigger than they can handle.

Lost in thought is how Joshua finds him. “Mingyu says he’s leaving now. I told him not to tell Minhyun where he’s going, just to leave.” His voice shocks him so bad that Soonyoung jumps out of his skin. “He _has_ to come home safely, Soonyoung,” Joshua whispers, looking away towards the window. “All this mess… I don’t know if it is my fault or if it isn’t, but I’ve only made it worse. I’m sorry for dragging you into this. I should have stayed away from Jeonghan when I had the chance… At least, that way… That way we wouldn’t be _here_.”

All his troubles are showing in the way he’s holding himself. Anxiously, he wraps his arms around his body. Soonyoung wishes that he could comfort him, but he doesn’t know what Joshua wants to hear. He thinks that the only real comfort would be the ending to all this. Soonyoung wants to get there too. “It’s too complicated for you to be making apologies. This… _this_ …” He gestures to the space between them, trying to get him to understand what he means without explaining it. “It isn’t meant to be easy. We aren’t supposed to make the right decisions. This life of ours is supposed to be pain and suffering. It isn’t your fault for being brought into it… All of this just accumulates until it becomes too much. One day or another, someone was going to explode. Just make sure it isn’t you.” In this world, they have to find a way to survive and maintain happiness. No longer would they just find it hidden among everything else. No, as cursed creatures, they were supposed to suffer. Fighting against that is their choice and it will always have consequences. Life, for them, is just a bomb that goes off, then resets for an unknown date. This time, it just happened to be now, interfering with the years Wonwoo’s stolen and disguised as humanity.

“Okay,” Joshua says with a faraway look in his eyes. The pain is still crushing him with its weight, but Soonyoung tries to alleviate some of it. Until Mingyu and Wonwoo return, all they could do was fret and hope. As long as they keep themselves safe, then eventually, they’ll be able to call themselves a family again. Behind Joshua, there’s a faint glimmer and it seems to be outlining something rectangular, but just as Soonyoung moves towards it, it is gone.

What they had could never last, but they all would try to retain it for as long as they could.   
No one could blame them for that.

☄

When Nayoung arrives, Minghao is ready to transport Seungcheol to wherever they’ve sent Jieqiong. Soonyoung and Joshua’s absence is seemingly unimportant for the moment, but Wonwoo still holds his breath in anticipation for Jonghyun to turn on him. When he does, he’ll have to lie to protect them, but they are worth it. They are worth everything to Wonwoo, so that’s why he switches his mission from helping Jonghyun to protecting what is important to him. He can’t be looking out for both Joshua and Jonghyun, even if he wants to be. Joshua’s actions had forced him to choose a side and he’ll always pick the family that he’s fabricated over the people who made him feel like he was stuck in a prison cell with no escape. Those people had shunned him after he left, but even after recruiting Joshua, Mingyu didn’t turn his back on him. Joshua’s feelings were valid and Wonwoo understood that there would be a change, eventually. These people loved him. Forgiveness would bloom between them, but it would take time. Which, fortunately, is something that they have plenty of now.

With the whole council there, they are able to move together. Wonwoo can imagine the type of punishments waiting for Seungcheol and Jieqiong when they meet up with Minhyun. All Jonghyun has been raised on is war, so he’s calm about this. _This_ is the easiest part for him. All they have to do is find Jeonghan and it can all end. He’ll be able to write the ending with his iron bars and poisonous touch. Wonwoo can imagine that there had been a time when Jonghyun was feared. Time is bound to repeat itself.

“Since you’ve already sent away your friends, come with us,” Jonghyun's gaze is steely as he passes by him to lead the way to the parking garage. “If I can’t keep an eye on them, then I can watch you, at least.”

His words aren’t that threatening, but they terrify Wonwoo. The damage that Jonghyun is capable of is massive. Wonwoo should know better than to mess with him, but no one is safe from Jeonghan. If Jonghyun thinks that he’ll risk the safety of those most important to him, then he’s become delusional. Even as a leader, Jonghyun operates on what is best for Minhyun most of the time. An absolutely selfless leader doesn’t exist, especially in this world. Vampires are selfish by nature of birth. Greed, wrath, and lust rule them and control their decisions. And when a vampire feels _love_ , the most selfish emotion in the world, they can’t help but to become addicted to it.

Junhui follows after Jonghyun, gesturing for Wonwoo to walk with him. Minghao, Seungcheol, and Nayoung follow after them. The walk to the parking garage isn’t long, but Wonwoo has a feeling that today it will feel like an eternity. Behind him, he can hear Nayoung’s anger overflowing. With Jieqiong being imprisoned by her friends, Nayoung has turned into an inferno. One touch and Wonwoo’s sure that he’ll catch fire. “What do you get out of this, Seungcheol?” She asks, feeling the most betrayed by a friend she’s known for decades. This is the second time he’s turned his back on her and the first time he’s sucked Jieqiong into it too. Maybe she could have ended up rationalizing Seungcheol’s actions if Jieqiong had been left alone, but he had went behind her back and corrupted the person most precious to her. Recovering from that would be nearly impossible. Wonwoo knows that kind of betrayal lasts a lifetime because all the trust that had once been shared between them is vacuumed away. After this storm passes, they won’t be able to get their friendship back. Going back to normal wouldn’t be an option for Seungcheol. Wonwoo doesn’t want to know his punishment because what he’s done is unforgivable.

For the first time, Wonwoo might see a vampire die.

“Like you would _ever_ understand,” Seungcheol spits the words at Nayoung. Jealousy is high in the air, but it always has been. Nayoung, Jonghyun, and Seungcheol are supposed to be a trifecta of sorts, but Jonghyun favors Nayoung considerably. Her calm demeanor and intelligent tongue impress everyone she talks to. Wonwoo knows because he thinks she’s impressive too. She was recruited while pretending to be a boy so that she could study medicine. Now, she can say she’s been studying the human body for almost two hundred years. Forwarding science is her job, but she has to find new, creative ways to share her findings so that she doesn’t get caught. Plus, since vampires don’t photograph, she has to avoid important galas and conventions. She’s legendary, but the world doesn’t even know her real name, her real story. This life gave endless opportunities, but there is always a cost.

“Shut up,” Jonghyun commands, not even bothering to look back at them. “He doesn’t deserve to be spoken to right now. Unless he’s telling us what Jeonghan’s next move is or where to find him, I don’t want to hear from him.”

Bitterly, Seungcheol laughs. “Kinda like how it was before, huh?” Wonwoo hates that he’s standing between them because he knows that if Jonghyun were crueler, he’d attack him. Even though he belongs to war, he doesn’t always act like it. This situation doesn’t fluster him in the slightest. Every movement of his is calculated and relaxed. When a challenge presents itself, he takes it on. Maybe it is because he knows he’s bulletproof. Wonwoo can’t help but to wonder what would have happened if Joshua put his hands on him. The kind of strength that’s lurking below Jonghyun’s surface could have been enough to throw him across the length of the room. For more than three hundred centuries, Jonghyun learned how to exist as this creature. By now, he’s more familiar with Jonghyun the vampire than Jonghyun the human. Vampires always reach that point, but Wonwoo never wants to.

Somehow, Junhui still has his humanity wrapped around him. He surrounds himself from relics of the past to remind himself that there was a _before_ for him. Everything stays the same for Junhui because without similarity, he would start to forget how he was when he was still warm and whole.

“What did I say?” Jonghyun asks, still not turning around. His voice is hardly recognizable to Wonwoo’s ears. For decades, he’s grown used to the voice that Jonghyun uses when he’s being casual or while he’s reading aloud. This is the voice of a leader. Minghao’s voice, while higher pitched, commands the same amount of attention. These are the monsters that Wonwoo fears that he will one day become. “Minghao, keep him quiet, if you will.”

There’s a sound that brings a sour taste to Wonwoo’s tongue. Even as a vampire, bones still make the same noise when they crack. The only real difference is how quickly they heal. There’s no way to kill a vampire by breaking any of their bones, even their neck. Somehow, their body will find a way to fix itself. Beside him, Junhui grabs onto Wonwoo’s hand and it reassures him that some of them are just imposters. They are just pretending to be monsters because they’ve been dragged into the cast and given a role.

Nayoung huffs. “That’s one way…” Silencing Seungcheol is an easy task for Minghao because apparently he believes in the use of force as a means to an end. Wonwoo refuses to turn around and check on him. Not only would Jonghyun snap at him, but he’d have to see Seungcheol’s unconscious, slumped form being carried by Nayoung and Minghao. Hurting others isn’t how Wonwoo operates. Even hunting is a difficult task for him to carry out. Most nights, he is forced to remember all the people he’s murdered and he hates himself for all the pain he’s inflicted. So many innocent people were murdered by his hands, by his mouth. That’s the greed and the lust intermingling to create a monster that is senseless and emotionless. That’s the monster he never wants to become again.

It is the monster he’s surrounded by now.

☄

Going from the hospital to Minhyun takes almost an hour. By the time Nayoung turns the car off, Wonwoo is exhausted mentally and physically. There’s so much tension and anger in the car that he feels constantly on edge. Somehow, he’s seated next to Minghao and Seungcheol’s limp form, blood oozing from his head wound. Every bump brings Seungcheol closer to him, regardless of the seat belt trying to keep him in one place. The whole experience makes Wonwoo feel sick. He had never been close to Seungcheol, but the way they are treating him doesn’t sit well with Wonwoo. It is one of his weaknesses: empathy. Though it may be hard to see without knowing him, Wonwoo is naturally empathetic. Maybe he can’t always find the best in people, but he tries to understand them before condemning them. There’s a real problem between the newborns and the Older Ones, but no one is opening the discussion for it. Instead, toxicity just spreads wildly, like a disease.

When they arrive, Jonghyun calls Minhyun to find out where exactly he is. While he’s doing that, Wonwoo is forced to help Minghao carry Seungcheol. As soon as he’s out of the car, he can see that they are standing in the parking lot of a prison facility. _Minhyun’s location_. It makes sense to Wonwoo. This is Minhyun’s hunting ground, it is where he is most comfortable. Plus, there’s no better place to keep Seungcheol and Jieqiong for the time being. Prisoners are kept in prisons, and Wonwoo knows that’s exactly how Jonghyun feels about _them_. For the act of betrayal, they will have eternity to suffer. Surely Jonghyun isn’t that cruel though. This is the man that taught Wonwoo everything he could about the supernatural world. Starry eyes had shone too brightly, it seems though, because he never saw how Jonghyun really was during that time. Just as helpful as he is, he’s dangerous.

Surviving all those centuries takes strength that Wonwoo overlooked just so he could idolize Jonghyun.

“Minhyun’s in the basement.” Jonghyun announces, sliding his phone into his back pocket. “Let’s get moving before Seungcheol wakes up.” At his command, everyone moves. Wonwoo can’t help wondering if Minghao listens because this is no longer his domain. He belongs a continent away from here with millions of other vampires. Age and location seem to be the biggest factor in the chain of command between Older Ones. The domain they belong to is the one they command while their age forces them to be respected wherever they travel.

The basement of the prison is underground. Just the thought of it makes Wonwoo feel claustrophobic. With Jeonghan still out there, he can’t imagine putting himself in a position where he could be attacked with no direct exit. _Underground_. Wonwoo has a bad feeling that warns him that there has to be something up Jeonghan’s sleeve. If Joshua is obeying him, then that’s not his focus anymore. He’s moved on from Junhui too since he’s unattainable.

Who would he be going after next? His strategy should be more predictable by now, but Wonwoo can’t wrap his head around it. Clearly, they are being followed, but Wonwoo doesn’t know _how_. If Jeonghan is trailing them, then he’s nowhere to be found which means they are most likely being bugged. Is someone here helping him? Or did he have contact with one of them long enough to infiltrate their plans? With one arm around Seungcheol, Wonwoo starts looking around as though the answer will just appear to him from thin air. Still, his thoughts seem paranoid since no one’s seen or heard from Jeonghan. No one else is worried about what Jeonghan’s next move might be. _Why_ is no one worried about it? Unintentionally, he freezes in the middle of the parking lot.

Minghao’s still trying to walk, so when he steps forward, he’s yanked right back just like snapping a rubber band. “What—?” He bites out, glancing over at Wonwoo with detestment. “Keep moving.” It is a command that Wonwoo shouldn’t challenge, but he can’t keep his anxieties internalized any longer. Maybe it is only him, but he thinks something bad will happen if they storm into the prison. Jeonghan has to know they are here. If he didn’t, then his next step would have already been made. This is something that Jonghyun should know, should _expect._

“Why aren’t we worried about what will happen in there?” Wonwoo’s voice shakes when he asks.

Jonghyun turns around to fix him with that steely, evil stare. It reminds him of dying. “Minhyun won’t betray me.”

Then he turns back around and continues on his way. Minghao seems to take that as answer enough too, pulling hard on Seungcheol in an effort to get Wonwoo to continue. However, his words have seeded doubt in Nayoung and Junhui who slow their pace. It takes her until they reach the door, but it ends up bothering Nayoung so much that she speaks up. “What if it isn’t Minhyun that is the problem? What if Jeonghan had followed us?”

Her questions go unheard by Jonghyun. Never before had Wonwoo wanted to challenge his leadership, but he’s putting his own confidence ahead of the safety of the group. Jeonghan could have recruited his own army just to attack him, but he doesn’t stop to consider any other route. His mind is made up, no matter how dangerous this path might be, he’s walking it. But that doesn’t mean everyone is willing to go along with him. Nayoung digs her toes into the ground. “I’m not going to the basement with you. I’ll stay in the lobby and monitor. Wonwoo’s right though, we don’t have a strategy and I’m not about to die today.” She holds the door for the others, then when she enters, she heads over to the unmanned desk. “I’ll have my phone on me, so I’ll text you if I notice anything, okay?”

Her defiance doesn’t appease Jonghyun, but he doesn’t challenge her either. Instead, he just waits for the others to follow him down the stairs to meet up with Minhyun. Each stair feels like a step closer to tragedy. In London, Wonwoo had heard about a whole coven cleaned out by greedy, angry newborns. Even though the Older Ones are stronger, they often can’t handle the sheer number of newborns that rise up to test them. If Jeonghan had an army, then they’d all be dead, but Wonwoo doesn’t think that Jeonghan wants to bring anyone else into this life.

Wonwoo’s behind everyone, so he hears Minhyun before he sees him. “Jonghyun!” He yells, voice cracking with the effort. Pain seems to be coating his tongue, but Wonwoo can’t see the damage. “Stay there,” he instructs just as Wonwoo’s feet hit the solid floor that stretches out at least a good mile. Minhyun’s the only thing illuminated, even Jonghyun is residing in darkness. It’s amazing that Minhyun even knew it was him without him coming into the light. “He’s here. I didn’t know until I got off the phone with you.” He sounds so scared.

“It’s okay, I’m here,” Jonghyun tries to reassure Minhyun, but there’s laughter from the darkness.

“Too late,” says the disembodied voice. His tone is haunting. Not even Minhyun sounds as pained as Jeonghan does. Living this life has ripped every ounce of humanity from him and corrupted his soul. There’s no redemption for him because his anger is enough to burn the whole city down. “You are _always_ too late, Jonghyun. Too late to instruct _them_ that it isn’t recruitment season. Too late to step up to lead. Too late to save what matters most to you.”

There’s a tiredness in his tone that enthralls Wonwoo. The way he talks makes Wonwoo feel like he’s _bored_. “How does it feel to be a failure, Jonghyun? I’m familiar with the feeling, but I want to see how it makes others feel.” Minhyun stumbles forward and Jeonghan is finally visible. His long hair is tied up in a messy ponytail and his eyes are blank. “You should have just let me kill Junhui, you idiot.”

No force on earth can stop Jeonghan from driving the stake in his hands through Minhyun’s chest. The scream it rips from Jonghyun though makes it seems like he’s the one that’s been impaled. “This doesn’t make you a failure.” Minhyun chokes out and Wonwoo can see how his fingertips are already turning to ash. “Jonghyun, nothing could ever make you a failure.” His last words are trying to reassure Jonghyun of something he’ll never be able to believe now. “I would’ve always died for you. This was always going to happen one way or another.”

Jonghyun’s collapsed, but it doesn’t stop him from crawling towards Minhyun’s rotting body. Clumps of ash fall down around him, but Jeonghan doesn’t look pleased by his murder. Instead, he is still wearing that same bored expression that makes Wonwoo think he’s given up. “Come to him, lover boy.” Jeonghan turns away from them, “Feel what it is like to lose everything that you’ve worked to protect.”

Wonwoo is unable to look away from Minhyun and how he’s exploding in a silvery smoke. As sickening as it is, it is also captivating. That ash stains Jonghyun’s fingertips with parts of Minhyun that cease to be. The death of a vampire is a cruel joke. Finally, the stake that had been buried deep within Minhyun clatters to the ground in front of Jonghyun. “You couldn’t even give him the decency of last words.” Jeonghan rolls his eyes, not leaning down to collect the stake even though he knows the risk he faces leaving it with Jonghyun. “He begged me not to hurt you, you know? _Begged_. He said that he couldn’t live without you. It made me realize how important he was to you. All these years, you’ve protected him and pampered him, but you’ve been walking around with your eyes closed.”

As he talks, Wonwoo watches Jonghyun’s hands reach towards the stake. He’s trying to be secretive about it, but now that he’s out in the open, his every action is on show. Each tear that escapes him is captured in high definition. His pain is a show for everyone. “I thought killing him might wake you up. At least, if you’ve woken up, then we can have a leader that actually looks out for everyone. Seungcheol could be that, you know? I didn’t really care about his plans, but I knew he could be better than you. Maybe he’s a little illogical, but that’s what _you_ have Minhyun for, isn’t it?” He shakes his head, stepping in front of Jonghyun.

“If you are going to try to kill me, then you only have one chance. You better make it count.” Now, he’s taunting him.

It works though, and Jeonghan doesn’t even move as Jonghyun digs the stake into his chest, just underneath his clavicle. There’s no climatic quote screamed at the top of his lungs. All that happens is a flurry of movement, then Jeonghan’s collapsing onto the floor and for the first time, Wonwoo sees him smile. _This is what he wanted all along_ , Wonwoo realizes. Being stuck in _this_ world was too big of a curse for him. Some are unable to process this life, but they learn to cope because they have an endless amount of time to adjust, but Jeonghan would have never adjusted. With years, he’d just get more vindictive and dangerous.

When Jonghyun turns around, there isn’t triumph in his eyes. No, instead Wonwoo can feel the sadness radiating off of him. Except Jeonghan was right. Finally, it seems like Jonghyun’s woken up to the world. Life is no longer a dream he traverses through. A light has been turned on behind Jonghyun’s eyes and he’s ready to face reality. In the absence of Minhyun, he’s left broken, but more whole than he’s ever been.

“Put Seungcheol in a cell,” He commands calmly. Wonwoo realizes that this is the end.

 

ten **.**

Watching Joshua gets _boring_. All he does is stare at the door, trying to cut a hole into it with the intensity of his gaze. Soonyoung knows that he’s waiting on Mingyu to come through it, but Soonyoung’s waiting on Wonwoo and he doesn’t feel compelled to gaze longingly at the _door_. The door has nothing to do with this. It is just an object standing between them and the world. In here, they can lose themselves and forget the world, but as soon as that door opens, they have to face everything. They aren’t protected anymore when the door is open, so Soonyoung likes when it is closed. It is easier to keep his mind off of Wonwoo while it is closed. Instead, he can cook dinner and trick himself into believing that Wonwoo and Mingyu will be home to eat it in a couple hours.

“Can vampires eat garlic?” Soonyoung pokes his head out of the kitchen to ask Joshua who is still sitting on the stairwell. “Is that like a myth?”

With tired eyes, Joshua turns to look at Soonyoung. He’s starting not to look like himself, but Soonyoung thinks it is just a trick of the light. “Wonwoo’s been eating pizza for years, so I’d say myth.” He answers with a shrug. “I’m far from a vampire expert, but I can smell some garlic and see if it totally disgusts me or not.”

That idea seems so good that Soonyoung rushes back in the kitchen to find some garlic powder. _Better to start with powder rather than actual garlic,_ he tries to rationalize. He doubts that garlic would kill Joshua, but he wants to stay on the safest side possible. If Wonwoo was here, then he could just ask him, but because he can’t, he just tests it out with Joshua. Careful not to spill it, Soonyoung passes over a container of garlic powder that Joshua immediately places underneath his nose. He takes slow inhales, trying to waft the smell. “It’s fine,” Joshua says, passing it back, wiping at his nose absently. “Honestly, it just smells like garlic. It makes me crave pasta.” For the first time that night, Joshua laughs. “Do you know how to make noodles?”

“Uh, maybe? We are out of flour still though.” Laughter is shared between them at the memory of the flour coating the kitchen. Soonyoung had stayed up late that night to clean it all up. By the time he was finished, the whole house was asleep. In the morning, Wonwoo had brushed flour off his nose and kissed him sweetly. That morning felt like heaven. Soonyoung wishes he could go back in time and replay it over in slow motion: Wonwoo’s laugh, the sweetness of his kisses, the feeling of Wonwoo’s lips turning up into a smile during their kiss, how Wonwoo smelled like toothpaste and had the messiest bedhead. Soonyoung wants to run his fingers through Wonwoo’s hair.

Maybe not even cooking can keep his mind completely off Wonwoo. “Damn,” Joshua shakes his head. “Are you making meat, at least?” While vampires don’t _eat_ humans, Soonyoung’s discovered they are very fond of meat. He remembers Wonwoo reminiscing about how he used to never like meat, but since he’s been recruited, he has strange cravings for it. “I want to grill out…” He pouts, probably being transported back in time with the mention.

“We could grill out! It is getting late, but the sun’s still up. You just have to grill the meat… because if Seokmin sees the meat floating, he’s _never_ going to recover.” Soonyoung can imagine several different responses that their neighbor could have towards floating meat and none of them are positive. Ghosts didn’t need to belong to Seokmin’s world. He’s happy smiles and bright sunshine. He’s expecting a daughter in six months and has never said a swear word. This horrible, horrible world of supernaturals didn’t need to live next door to him. Humans deserved to retain their humanity, especially when they were so delicately human. If Seokmin met this world, then he’d shatter into a million pieces. To some, all this world is is pure toxicity.

Joshua chuckles again, then finally stands from the stair he’s been seated at all night. “Okay, you’ve sold me. How can I help right now?” Brushing off the invisible dust from his pants, he joins Soonyoung in the kitchen. “We’re going to—” Just as he enter the kitchen, there’s a jingling of keys and the front door opens, interrupting his train of thought. Both of them rush out to crowd the stairwell so they can greet Mingyu. When the door opens, Mingyu steals Joshua into his arms and Soonyoung thinks that the force of his affection could crush Joshua’s lithe frame.

“Never again,” Mingyu mumbles into his hair. “Never ever again will you try to do anything like that for me.” His words don’t match the relief and happiness in his voice. Knowing that Joshua would give up everything to keep him safe ends up undoing him. Soonyoung knows that Mingyu would do anything to keep Joshua safe too. To give them privacy, Soonyoung excuses himself back into the kitchen, starting to prep the chicken so they can grill out. Now Mingyu can help them too. Hopefully, Wonwoo would be home by the time they were done so they could all enjoy dinner together. Thinking about cooking is the only way to calm his nerves because there’s no way to tell if Wonwoo is okay and safe or if he’s in danger. No one is there to take care of him except for Junhui, but Soonyoung doesn’t know if he can rely on him. Soonyoung doesn’t know if he can rely on anyone except for Wonwoo at this point. He’s sacrificed everything just so they could be safe. Soonyoung wants to know what he can do for _him_ now.

“I couldn’t lose you again,” Soonyoung can hear Joshua crying from the kitchen. It makes Soonyoung feel teary-eyed. All this time he’s been with Mingyu, Joshua, and Wonwoo, he’s just been getting closer and closer to Joshua. So, Joshua’s pain feels important to him. Inside his pain, Soonyoung can find pieces of himself. “I’d do anything for you, _anything_.” It is hard for Soonyoung to focus on seasoning the meat when he’s trying to eavesdrop at the same time. There’s some part of him that yearns to be held like Joshua. He wants the surge of relief to flood his system and he wants to be able to start protecting Wonwoo too, especially for all the times he’s protected him.

There’s some laughter, some silence, then Mingyu and Joshua enter the kitchen. Quickly, Soonyoung grabs what he believes is a knife and an onion. It is the best cover-up to hide that he’s been crying. “Uh,” says Mingyu and Soonyoung turns around to face him. “Why do you have a ladle and a potato…? I thought we were grilling out.”

 _Oh, yup. That’s a potato and a ladle_. Embarrassed, Soonyoung puts them both down on the counter and dabs at his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater. Being able to cry is still weird for him. He’s always been an easy crier, but when he died, he thought he’d never have to worry about his ugly crying face ever again. Sadly, he was mistaken. “We are! Can you get the meat and go start kindling or whatever you do to start a fire?” He hands over the meat, somewhat seasoned, and then a pair of tongs. “I’ll do the veggies and stuff!”

Even though they know he’s crying, they give him distance. Except, right before he leaves, Joshua leans in and presses a kiss against Soonyoung’s forehead. “He’ll come home.” He whispers, and Soonyoung can’t help but believe him.

☄

Wonwoo doesn’t care to stay around to find out what will happen next. “You can all leave now,” Jonghyun announces to them with traces of Minhyun lingering on his open palms. This is the image of a man broken beyond words, beyond description. His words lack the strength that he had moment ago. Instead, he’s deflated into the barest form of himself. All he wants is to be left alone, but no one leaves. The whole hallway is still after Seungcheol is in a cell, except for Wonwoo. It feels like there’s a spotlight trained on him. It feels like he’s leaving them all over again. This never was his home, so when he’s here, he’s only a temporary visitor.

While he’s gone, he knows that punishments will be merited out. Later, they’ll come to deal with Joshua, but Wonwoo clings to the agreement that protects his family. Maybe it won’t hold up this time, but he hopes it will. All he wants to do is to be able to go home to those who love him. The people he’s around now are imposters who are selfish monsters who aren’t scared to hurt others. Wonwoo’s never been like them. He’s just been dependent on them for far too long. It is time for him to stop relying on them.

They don’t value him and they don’t need him.

“Wonwoo,” Junhui catches him by the elbow before he heads upstairs. “Let me drive you.” His eyes are wide, scared, and Wonwoo sees the farewell in them. It feels like the end here too. Maybe that’s why he allows himself this weakness. He nods, letting Junhui lead him up the stairs. This is the last time he’ll follow in his footsteps.

It isn’t until they are outside that Wonwoo feels comfortable enough to speak. In his head, Jeonghan and Minhyun keep turning into that silvery ash. Whenever he closes his eyes, he can see them dying again and again. It is an endless loop that he can’t stop. All his other thoughts quiet to center around it. “What’ll happen to them?” It is only natural that Junhui assumes that he’s talking about Seungcheol and Jieqiong.

“Jieqiong never did anything, technically, so she’ll get a slap on the wrist. A stern talking to or something. As for Seungcheol…” Junhui shrugs. “I think we’ve had enough death, so…” Trailing off doesn’t give him the answer he’s looking for, but he doesn’t think that Junhui has the right answers either. It is better if they just let Jonghyun deal with Seungcheol in whatever way he feels fit. Something reassures Wonwoo that he’ll see Seungcheol again someday. Death isn’t going to be the punishment that he’s given. Losing another person would be too hard on Jonghyun, so it is better if they find another way to deal with the situation.

“Joshua?” Wonwoo’s mouth is dry, but he has to ask.

The van is close, so Junhui pauses and gives Wonwoo a look he can’t decipher. “I think you’ll finally be able to get some peace.” He decides, turning back to unlock the car using the remote. “Tell Joshua not to worry, but if he wants to apologize, then I’m sure Jonghyun would understand.”

Wonwoo climbs into the passenger seat while Junhui gets into the front. When they are both in the car, Junhui reaches over and places a hand against Wonwoo’s shoulder. Before Junhui can find the words, Wonwoo asks. “You are saying goodbye, aren’t you?” He asks, resisting the urge to start chewing on his lip. Being able to think of himself as a separate entity from Junhui is both terrifying and freeing. Wonwoo wants to exist without him, but he knows that he’ll eventually grow to miss him. Junhui’s always been a strength and a weakness to him.

“I”m going back to China with Minghao tonight. I’ve made a lot of mistakes while here, so I think it is time I go somewhere else.” His touch disappears and Wonwoo feels the loss. A part of his heart leaves with it. “I wish we could meet in another world, in another lifetime. I’ll be a dancer and you can be anyone you want to be. Maybe we won’t find love there either, but you’ve always meant the world to me. I hope I’ll see you again, but I don’t think I’ll be seeing you around for awhile.” There’s an openness in his expression that reminds Wonwoo of why he felt so much for him in the first place. When they met, he had thought he was incredibly honest and kind. He is that still, but he just loses himself within his own corruption.

Words are hard for Wonwoo. Goodbyes aren’t his forte because he’s had to leave so many people already. By now, it should be an art for him, but he still is giving everyone pieces of himself when they leave him. “I’ll miss you pestering me,” he admits, letting Junhui drive him home. “I can’t believe you are really leaving…”

“I can’t either,” Junhui laughs. “Jeonghan made me realize some important things…”  
Wonwoo doesn’t ask for the what because that’s for Junhui. He’s just glad that they can start to move on now.

☄

Only one image replaces the death that clings to Wonwoo’s brain: Soonyoung’s smile.

His whole entire face lights up when Wonwoo comes around the back to see what they are cooking. It’s too dark to be grilling out, but there’s smoke rising up from their enclosed backyard and he can hear Soonyoung’s giggles on the other side of their fence. When he opens that gate, Soonyoung looks at him like he’s the most precious person in the whole universe. His feet don’t move fast enough to bring him into Wonwoo’s arms. Behind him, Mingyu and Joshua are huddled around the grill, trying to make dinner. They greet Wonwoo with smiles that tell him that he’s home.

 _Finally_. Wonwoo thinks, letting Soonyoung pepper kisses across his face. He’ll have to tell them what happened, but for now, he can just exist right here in this moment. With Soonyoung’s lips and hands and arms and eyes reminding him of why all this fighting was worth it. _This_ is what he gets to come home to now, every day. Junhui had promised peace and Wonwoo wants to believe that he’ll be able to live like this for Mingyu’s lifetime or however long it takes Soonyoung to fulfill his unfinished business. His expectations might be too high now, but he believes that Junhui’s right. It feels like everything is coming to an end, and this is where Wonwoo is going to make his new beginning.

After Soonyoung’s done hugging him, Joshua approaches him with trembling eyes. Anxiety is apparent in the way he carries himself. “I’m sorry about earlier. You shouldn’t have had to protect me like that. I shouldn’t have ever put you in that position.” His words are thoughtful, like he’s been trying to decide how to best approach him. Honestly, Wonwoo’s just happy that Joshua’s willing to talk to him. After all their animosity, he just wants things to go back to the way they were before Wonwoo ruined it all.

“When I recruited you. I did it because I wanted you to get a chance at life.” Wonwoo tells him, reaching out his hands to pull him closer. When he wraps his arms around him to hug him, it feels foreign. They’ve never been close before this, but now they can start healing in their own ways. Wonwoo hopes that he chooses to stay with them. Losing Mingyu and Joshua wouldn’t break him, but he doesn’t want to think of a life without them. Not for a couple of years at least. This is his family and he doesn’t want to see it split up until it needs to be.

Joshua sighs against his shoulder. “I know. I was just so mad at everything and everyone,” he admits. “You were trying to protect me in the only way you could. I understand. I’ve been there too now.” His laugh is sad and tired.

“Come help us finish dinner!” Mingyu yells, calling him over with his voice and his hands and the magnificent smell of his cooking. It is rare for anyone other than Soonyoung to cook and while Wonwoo loves Soonyoung’s cooking, Mingyu is a master in the kitchen. Just the smell makes Wonwoo’s mouth water. It welcomes him in just like Mingyu’s arms do. He’s never been one for hugs, but everyone seems to want to get their hands on him now that he’s home and safe. Touch comforts them, reassuring them that he is safe and whole and _here_.

Maybe this life could be start to be beautiful.

☄

At the hospital, they have a memorial for Minhyun. Everyone writes memories they have with him, but there’s no picture to be shown. All he is now is a name and some happy, half-baked memories. No one has too much to say about him, except Jonghyun. Wonwoo walks by the board every single night and sees Jonghyun’s messy handwriting scrawled across the length of the entire memorial. This is for him more than it ever was for Minhyun. So many words had been trapped inside him, seeking release, but he never got to say any of them to him. All he could do now is write the words to get them out of his head. Wonwoo wonders if it makes it any better, but he won’t ever ask Jonghyun about it. No one even sees him anymore, except during the meetings that he calls every month.

Joshua goes to the meetings and talks over some of the ideas with Wonwoo, but Wonwoo doesn’t make time to go. Honestly, he’s scared to see Jonghyun. Time will start to age him now, but not in the usual, human ways. Wonwoo doesn’t want to see the wearing of his face and of his will. Even if Joshua say he hasn’t aged much, Wonwoo knows that he’ll see it all so clearly. The pain that Jonghyun’s experienced isn’t the type of pain he can just turn away from him. For the rest of his life, he’ll be opening cabinets and this will pop out. This memory is worse than a ghost because it’ll haunt him without ever giving him a break. Maybe one day he’ll move past it, but that day won’t ever come soon enough. It is better that Wonwoo doesn’t see him. If Joshua wants to form a connection with him, then Wonwoo won’t stop him, but he doesn’t want anything to do with the Older Ones anymore.

With his nights at the hospital and his days at home, Wonwoo starts to pave his new beginning. Most days, he spends with Soonyoung. It is easy to be with him, especially now that he has nothing holding him back. He goes back to stealing blood from the hospital and letting Soonyoung be what he’s addicted to. It’s too easy to be with him.

“I love you.” Soonyoung says it a lot. This time, his fingers are carded through Wonwoo’s hair. It is rare that Wonwoo takes a bath, but they’ve discovered that with Soonyoung’s hands on him, he can feel the heat of the water and the relief flooding Wonwoo’s system. Actually, Soonyoung is able to feel most sensations like that. Taste is nicest one because whenever someone’s eating, he can just put his fingers on their temples and remember just how his favorite foods used to taste. It allows him to try his own creations. “I love you so much,” he says, pressing his lips against Wonwoo’s bare shoulder.

His touch is cold and it makes Wonwoo shiver. “I love you too,” he chuckles, reveling in the feeling of Soonyoung’s hands in his hair. They’ve discovered that this is the most effective way of making sure Wonwoo’s actually bathing himself because otherwise he just forgets to take care of his body. Soonyoung understands that vampires don’t really need to shower everyday, but he likes bathing Wonwoo. Taking care of Wonwoo becomes one of his favorite tasks because there’s a sensuality in it. It only brings them closer and Wonwoo’s spent so much time on his own that he finds himself desperate for someone to care for him.

“Chan always says that it is important to tell a person you love them whenever you are thinking it,” Soonyoung says, picking up a cup to start rinsing the soap from Wonwoo’s hair. His hands are so gentle that Wonwoo could fall asleep at his touch. Unconsciously, he lets his eyes fall closed, just listening to the soothing sounds of the water and Soonyoung’s voice. “Chan used to tell me it while I was cooking. Almost every meal was accompanied with an I love you.” The story makes Wonwoo smile as much as Soonyoung. Even though Wonwoo might never get a chance to meet Chan and Hansol, they sound like good kids. Wonwoo was never good with kids, but he loved them. They always had something spontaneous up their sleeves and that was such a beautiful charm.

“If I followed Chan’s words, then I’d never stop telling you.” Wonwoo informs him sweetly.

All he gets in response is Soonyoung splashing him in the face. “You cheese,” Soonyoung laughs. “Don’t try to flatter me with your _lies_.” He narrows his eyes at Wonwoo, finishing his hair and moving on to his back. He gets a washcloth from the edge of the sink and lathers it with soap. For some reason, Soonyoung likes to do this, so Wonwoo just lets him work. Their conversations ebb and flow. This is as peaceful as life can get.

“I’m not lying and you know it.” Splashing water up at Soonyoung does nothing to him, but he still yelps, trying to move away from it. “I love you and I’m always thinking about how much I love you.” Now that he’s listening to himself, it _does_ sound cheesy, but he’s not taking the truth back. He’s finally happy. That’s all he’s ever wanted.

This isn’t something he’s willing to give up now.   
No more drama, it is time for him to live _this_ life.

☄

“That looks good,” Seungkwan says, letting himself into the kitchen. Everyone starts to see Seungkwan a lot more, especially on the weekends when his tavern boy is busy. Usually, he helps Soonyoung in the kitchen or takes Soonyoung outside for a walk around the city. He’s the best friend that Soonyoung’s never really had. Caring for his cousins had ended up taking up too much of his time, he realizes with Seungkwan’s help. If he had stepped back before, he might have been able to balance relationships with caring for them, but because they were always the most important people in his life, he never gave anyone else a chance. Without him, what would they be? He had always asked that question, but now he has to face it. Without him, they finally get to grow into their own people, just like he’s able to blossom now. “Is it ready to be iced?” Seungkwan jostles him out of his thoughts, looking into the mixing bowl at the buttercream frosting sitting there.

As a reply, Soonyoung nods. “I just took it out of its pan about an hour ago and it was almost cool then, so I could imagine that it’s ready now.” While he’s talking, he grabs the two layers of the cake and moves them to the dining table. It’ll be easier for them to work now. “Wonwoo!” He calls, then turns back to Seungkwan. “Are you ready to help?” He asks, reaching for a piping bag. “You said you know how to do this.”

As he’s preparing a bag, Wonwoo enters with Mingyu and Joshua trailing behind. Cake, in this house, is a luxury item that never remains for more than one day. Seungkwan takes the piping bag from Soonyoung and starts to scoop some of the icing from the bowl into it. “I know how to do _this_ ,” he says with a smile on his face. It doesn’t do anything to quell Soonyoung’s nerves. These cakes have to look like his cakes, but being the saint he is, he invited everyone to help them if they wanted. Since they wouldn’t be getting any of the cake, he might as well let them help. It’s the least he can do when everyone’s such a big fan of his cakes.

“Oh!” Wonwoo smiles when he realizes what it is time for. “Do you want me to go find the candles?” He asks and Soonyoung nods, pointing towards the cupboard he thinks they are in. “I’m on it,” Wonwoo reassures him, pressing a kiss against his forehead as he passes him. Mingyu and Joshua helped in the baking process, but he can imagine that they are here just to see how they turn out. Soonyoung hopes it turns out well, but he can’t help but be anxious.

Seungkwan cuts the tip of the bag and heads over to the table to start on the task he’s been assigned. After several _hours_ of reassurance that he’s one of the best cake decorators he knows, Soonyoung finally lets him help him. After it is iced, all they will have to do is deliver it. While Soonyoung doesn’t know if they’ll be able to keep the cake, at the very least, he’ll have tried. All he wants to do is stay in contact with them because they deserve to know how loved they are. He can’t guarantee that their parents are treating them kindly, that they’ll even celebrate today, but Soonyoung plans on cake being on their doorstep when they come home from school. The trick is to get it out there before they get home, but every minute is precious now. The cake has to be perfect, but it also has to be delivered.

While he’s feeling a breakdown coming on, Seungkwan is piping a bit of buttercream between the layers of the cake, so he can put it all together. Wonwoo digs out the candles and faithfully hands them over to Soonyoung. By the time he looks back at Seungkwan, he’s smoothing buttercream around and atop the cake. It’s green, Chan’s favorite color. From here, it almost looks like the color of grass. He can remember playing in the yard with them. Their laughter still lives out there, but he finds it easier to push those memories aside so he doesn’t get lost in them. The process he’s been making might be microscopic, but he’s proud of himself. Getting lost in his thoughts of his cousins could hypnotize him for days, so he’s glad he’s able to remember them fondly. There’s no more intense longing that makes him want to turn into a hurricane of emotion. His storms are so much more quieter nowadays.

“I’m going to put a rocket ship on this,” Seungkwan says, but it sounds like a question.

Soonyoung laughs. “Sure! I don't know what he likes. It changes every week.”

“Rocket ships are cool,” Seungkwan reassures him, making sure there’s little to no crumbs peeking through. The decoration is always where Soonyoung ends up ruining it, so he’s thankful for Seungkwan’s existence. After he’s finished with the first coat, he adds another thin layer before piping the border in bright blue. “This cake is going to be so cool.” He whispers, aware that Soonyoung is watching him like a hawk.

Eventually, Soonyoung gets the hint and backs off. “I’m going to prepare the box and card!” He turns away from Seungkwan, busying himself elsewhere in the house. Mingyu’s already put the box together, but there’s still a card to be written. Just the thought of being able to communicate with them again is enough to overwhelm Soonyoung.

Joshua and Mingyu try to bounce around ideas, but none of them stick. He doesn’t want his cousins to actually think it is him because he’s scared they’ll think he’s still alive somewhere. Instead, he just wants the card to be simple. His cousins just need to know they are loved, so incredibly loved, by someone. They can’t come to him anymore, but they should be able to know he’s still thinking about him, even if they don’t know it is _him_ thinking about them. What he settles on is cheesy, but he’s never been good with words so it doesn’t matter. _Just a reminder that you are so much more loved than you realize._ There’s no signature, just a gaping blank space that Soonyoung relates to.

“He’s young anyway,” Joshua says to him. “Eventually, you might be able to write more complicated things. For now, it should just be simple. If the cake tastes like yours, then they’ll remember you. Let’s just hope they don’t think you’ve been ordering them cake for their birthdays.” He laughs, but Soonyoung’s too nervous to join in. This is so important to him that it has to be perfect. At the end of the day, he’s wants his cousins to remember him positively with warm thoughts of love and memories of them playing together and that time Soonyoung appeased them and tried to cook gummies and almost started a fire in his new apartment.

It takes Seungkwan no time to finish the cake. The rocket ship isn’t beautiful, but looks more professional than anything Soonyoung could have ever made. “I started making cakes for Jihoon. He doesn’t love sweets, but he likes them enough that he eats them when they are ‘delivered.’” He smiles and Soonyoung can’t help but to smile back at him. “Chan will love it. Let’s go add the candles together and get this thing over there.”

They are running low on time, but with everything pretty much finished, Soonyoung doesn’t worry. Swiftly, they add the candles, counting them twice before boxing the cake up and sending it away with Mingyu and Joshua. Except right as they reach the door, another appears right beside it. It appears in a brilliant golden flash that makes Wonwoo freeze. “No,” he whispers, unable to look away from the ancient oak of a door that doesn’t belong here.

Softly, Seungkwan gasps, rubbing his eyes as though he’s dreaming. “Soonyoung,” he says, but it isn’t really happiness in his tone. He seems conflicted and confused, but also excited at the same time. “It’s your _door_.”

 _Oh_. It suddenly becomes very hard for Soonyoung to think. _This is my door_. Somehow, his unfinished business has become finished and he’s supposed to be ready to move on now, except he doesn’t feel ready in the slightest. When he turns, he looks for Wonwoo and feels his breath catch in his throat at the sight of his tears. Joshua and Mingyu don’t move. No one knows what to do in this moment. Well, no one except for Soonyoung. He’s supposed to cross through that door and into the afterlife. What would happen after that?

“Wonwoo?” His voice cracks as tears find their way through. “Is that really—?”

“Yeah,” Wonwoo laughs bitterly, looking up towards the ceiling to stop the onslaught of tears that accompanies his reply. “ _God_ , yeah, that’s your door.” It seems unbelievable to him. They’ve only been given a month of peace. He’s only had three months with Soonyoung.

Soonyoung bawls, unable to process this fully. The reality is too heavy. “What am I supposed to do?” He sobs, gaze flitting from Wonwoo to Joshua and Mingyu, then to Seungkwan. “Am I supposed to go through it?”

Expecting Wonwoo to answer, he’s surprised when it is Seungkwan. “You _have_ to, Soonyoung. That’s _your_ door. If you don’t go through it, then who knows when you’ll have another chance… and that’s if the men with sticks and rope don’t come after you for evading the afterlife again…” There’s a tiny ounce of fear in his voice, and Soonyoung understands why. Just the mention of those men have Soonyoung stepping closer to his door.

“Am I ready?” He asks, looking only at Wonwoo now. “What did I finish? I feel like I’ve done nothing!” The tears are making it hard for him to see, but he can still make out shapes. He can still tell that Wonwoo’s crying. Unable to calm himself down, Wonwoo covers his eyes with his arm. The noises that slip from his mouth are broken and scared. If Soonyoung could will the door to disappear, then he would. “All I did was bake a fucking cake!”

Everyone laughs, but sadness suffocates them back into silence too quickly. The weight of this is unbearable. Wonwoo can’t stop crying long enough to talk to him, but Soonyoung can’t leave without goodbyes. “Is this goodbye?” Joshua asks, his voice finally cracking underneath the pressure of his question. “Are we really about to say goodbye to you for good? So soon after meeting you?” Just the thought of life after Soonyoung is too much for them. In the short time they’ve spent together, he’s become irreplaceable.

Mingyu steps forward because he’s always been the bravest out of all of them. “You deserve rest, Soonyoung. Just because we don’t get any doesn’t mean that you don’t.” He smiles, eyes shimmering. His tears are rare, but Soonyoung knows that his eyes aren’t glistening with happiness. “It was nice to meet you.”

“I’ll never find a friend like you, you know that?” Seungkwan says, crying just as easily as everyone else. “I’ll have to help Jihoon out for a couple more years, but when I pass over, I’ll find you somehow.”

Next, Joshua pulls Soonyoung into a hug. It seems to be more for his own comfort than for Soonyoung. “I’ve always wanted to help you cross over because I thought it was the right thing, but now that we’re here, I’m so upset we didn’t do more. I wish that Wonwoo could change _you_ into a vampire to save your life, but you don’t deserve this life. You always just deserved the absolute best. I’m so sorry that we couldn’t give you that.” A violent sob beats against his insides and Joshua ends up clinging to Soonyoung, unable to pull away from him so soon.

His words make Soonyoung laugh. “You guys gave me the happiness I never knew. You did give me the absolute best, I just wish I could have had this for longer.” He says, words mixing with his sobs. “I hate that fucking cake.” This time, no one laughs because they are too busy trying to swallow their tears. Wonwoo gulps for air in between shallow weeps. More than anything, Soonyoung wants to be able to comfort him, but he doesn’t think he’ll be able to. This is something that is inconsolable. This is a goodbye that is heavier than gravity.

Because he’s not moving, Soonyoung goes over to Wonwoo when he’s done with Joshua. “I love you,” Wonwoo whimpers, hands easily finding him and latching on. “I love you,” he repeats it and repeats it until his lungs might burst with the need for oxygen. This isn’t how either of them saw their future, but life never acted in the way that one hopes it does. Sometimes two people have to say goodbye way too soon.

“I can’t imagine not knowing you,” Soonyoung’s hands find Wonwoo’s cheeks. “You made my life _meaningful_. You taught me a type of love that I never knew and drowned me in it. I’ve fallen in love with you and I’ve never thought about saying goodbye to you, but I know you aren’t going to let me stay. No matter how much you want me to stay, you won’t let me.” To say everything he wants to, Soonyoung has to take gulping breaths. “ _You_ …” He presses his nose against Wonwoo’s even though their faces are wet. At that exhale, Wonwoo laughs, but it is just a breath of air.

“ _You_ …” He leans in, pressing their lips together. Everyone’s watching them, but neither mind. Their love was never any type of secret. If these few last minutes are all their granted, then they are going to take advantage of them. For as long as they can, they’ll stay right here and fight the universe’s laws of motion. “I can’t imagine life without you, Soonyoung.” Wonwoo admits, fear apparent in the way he’s holding onto Soonyoung. “I’m so scared.”

When Soonyoung laughs, it isn’t demeaning. “You’re braver than anyone else I’ve ever met before. You don’t need me. I know you want me and I know you love me, but you don’t need me. One day we might be able to meet again, right?” Vampires don’t pass over, but Soonyoung hopes that that’s fake news. The world can’t keep them apart. It might take some time, but they’ll find each other again. “I love you. I love you so much.”

Burying his face into his neck, Wonwoo starts crying in earnest again. “I love you,” he cries, clinging onto Soonyoung as tightly as possible, but he’s always been just air. One second he’s there, then the next he’s gone.

His hand touches the door and it pushes open easily. “Goodbye, everyone.” He purses his lips, unable to stop crying even at the end. Strength would benefit him here, but he can’t pretend to be anyone else other than himself. So, tears are what will accompany onto whatever is next.. Before he leaves, he meets Wonwoo’s eyes again. “Take care of yourself. Find me in the little things. In return, I’ll end up finding you someday.”

But Wonwoo doesn’t want to have to find Soonyoung in the little things.   
No, he wants to find Soonyoung in the here, in the now.

Putting his bravery to the test, Wonwoo lurches after Soonyoung, intertwining their fingers together. Soonyoung’s free hand presses gently against the door and it creaks open, filling the room with brilliant light. “Wonwoo…?” Soonyoung asks through his tears, momentarily blinded by them and the light. “What—?”

“I’ll come with you.” He says it so simply. As if the world has ever been simple to them. Everything they’ve wanted, they have had to fight for. “Maybe I could find you in the little things, but I don’t want to have to do that. I’ve lived for so long without you that I can’t just let you walk away, but I can’t let you miss this chance either.” Soonyoung feels the pressure of Wonwoo’s hand around his. It is probably risky to cross over with another person. There’s no telling what the men with sticks and rope will do if, or rather when, they find out that someone’s crossed into their domain that isn’t supposed to be there. But the more Soonyoung thinks about it, the less he cares.

He squeezes Wonwoo’s hand, a silent agreement.

With his consent, Wonwoo’s gaze drifts towards Joshua and Mingyu. Soonyoung can’t imagine what they must be feeling in this moment. Maybe the past months have been tense, but they’ve forgiven each other. All of their wounds are starting to heal too. Eventually, they would be able to find what they once had, but if Wonwoo follows him through this doorway, then they’ll never have that chance. Before Soonyoung crosses that threshold, he has to know that Wonwoo is sure about his decision. If they are crossing over together, then they are crossing over together without any regrets left behind them. One day, Mingyu and Joshua might end up beside them. They might have to wait a long time for that day, but it wouldn’t be like they would be separated forever. All of this is temporary.

Mingyu smiles, eyes still glittering with emotion. “Go,” he urges. “We’ll miss you, but you’ll miss him way more than that if you stay here.” This is a person who knows Wonwoo inside and out. Not only that, but he wants what will be the best for Wonwoo. None of this is about him or Joshua. Of course, their feelings are important, but that isn’t all that matters. To Mingyu, Wonwoo’s happiness is the most important thing.

Beside him, Joshua nods. “You’ll end up regretting it if you stay here.” Then, Mingyu and Joshua are looking at each other quickly, communicating silently between each other. “You deserve so much better than this.” Hearing that from Joshua probably means more than Wonwoo will ever admit, but he doesn’t say anything back to them. Instead, he just pouts his lips in a way that Soonyoung thinks is endearing and adorable.

Almost forgotten, Seungkwan adds in. “Go on, you two. This chance might never come again for either of you. Just save us all a spot in whatever slice of heaven you get.” There’s a playfulness to him still, but he’s weighed down by emotion. Somehow, he’s conjured a tissue from seemingly nowhere and is dabbing at his eyes pitifully. Soonyoung really wants to hug him just to reassure him that he’ll be able to have his slice of heaven soon too, with Jihoon. All he has to do is be patient and Soonyoung knows that Seungkwan can be patient if Jihoon is involved.

“Then this is goodbye,” Wonwoo says, wiping at his eyes. “I’ll miss you. Thank you. I love you.” Usually, he’s eloquent, but he trips over his tongue when he has to say goodbye. “Keep each other safe.”

Soonyoung laughs when Joshua swats his hand through the air at Wonwoo’s instructions. “Make sure you get that cake out and tell my cousins what an awesome person I was.” He feels like he has to leave them with something too. To cover his bases, he turns to Seungkwan too. “Tell Jihoon to be nice to you. Tell him I said so.”

“Threatening,” Seungkwan chuckles.

It feels like they are just leaving after a friendly get together. This doesn’t feel like the end of anything. When Soonyoung turns to Wonwoo to see if he’s ready, he pitches forward. With his hands on his hips, Wonwoo guides them through the entryway and kisses him hard on the other side. Here, he still takes like fruit and air, but he’s more solid somehow. Wonwoo’s fingers feel like they are sliding against cushiony skin. And Soonyoung _feels_ more solid. His fingertips don’t glide anymore. When he reaches for Wonwoo, he’s able to anchor and grip. Excitement thrums in his veins just at the feeling of being more human-like. His giddiness is why he refuses to let Wonwoo go now that he has him all to himself. Their lips come together softly again and again and again and again. Each time they meet, the meeting is softer and sweeter and slower. Soonyoung’s head spins from sensitivity overload.

He laughs against Wonwoo’s mouth, moving his hands up to squeeze his cheeks. “To think a goodbye could be this happy,” he whispers. “What will we do now with all this time?” In between his words, he peppers Wonwoo’s face with tiny butterfly kisses, spoiling him thoroughly. _Does time even exist here?_ Soonyoung doesn’t know what’s in store next, but he knows that he has Wonwoo beside him for every step along the way.

“Whatever we want,” Wonwoo’s laughing too now, returning each kiss happily. “Maybe it won’t be as easy as we hope, but we can’t lose each other now.” Not even the men with sticks and rope could reach them here. If they came for them, then Wonwoo would be ready. The hallway they are standing in seems to stretch on forever, but Wonwoo knows that it has to end somewhere. At that end, they’ll be able to take their first step.

This isn’t the ending that Wonwoo had been looking for, but it works.  
It leads to the beginning of an eternity soft enough for love.

**Author's Note:**

> if you made it to the end, congrats!!! 
> 
> honestly, i don't know how i made it to the end... i'm so proud of both of us. (but no, i'm so happy that you decided to stick with it all the way through because i don't know how i did) if anything was confusing, then fldjafkldf FORGIVE ME... i had a lot to work with but not as much time as i thought... i overestimated everything. the only thing i think i did a shoddy job on was "rent-a-ghosting" idk it is a being human term. ya just teleport. it's for the ghosties only club. and you can like... transport others if you swaddle them in ur clothes i literally have no idea
> 
> if you haven't watched being human (uk!!!) then watch it for annie, she's an angel


End file.
